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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Pregnancy

Pregnancy after late loss of baby

20 replies

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 15:10

Can anyone tell me their experiences of getting pregnant again after a late loss? I lost my little boy at 21 weeks due to very rare complications around 9 weeks ago now, and it absolutely broke my heart. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. I'm starting to come to terms with it now and we've decided to start trying again, but I'm absolutely terrified of something going wrong again. For those of you who have been through something similar, how did you feel when you got pregnant and did you cope ok with the worry? How did things turn out?

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happygojo · 09/06/2015 16:01

I haven't had a late loss, but maybe someone on the 'Best shit place to be, TTC after MC' board on the conception boards. Also there may be someone on:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2371607-Another-posifrickintive-thread-for-those-pregnant-after-miscarriage-4

who may be able to help

Be kind to yourself, it may take some time to heal xxxx

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 16:04

Thank you happygojo, I'll have a look x

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amyboo · 09/06/2015 16:50

I lost my DS2 at 37 weeks in 2012 so I can really empathise with some of the things you're feeling. I can't honestly say that the pain has ever gone away, but I did manage to get pregnant again 3 months afterwards. DS3 was born at 30 weeks, but apart from that he's absolutely fine and healthy (now aged 2.5). I'm also currently 20.5 weeks pregnant with DC4. Pregnancy is stressful for me - especially when it comes to worrying about movement, but my DH is very supportive and I have a fantastic doctor who keeps a very close eye on me. FWIW, I was diagnosed with hashimotos (under active thyroid) early in my pregnancy with DS3 and they think this is why I lost DS2 now.

Good luck

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 17:30

Thank you for commenting amyboo, it's reassuring to hear stories of others who have gone on to have a successful pregnancy. I'm very sorry about your DS, it's awful, I don't think you realise how bad it is until you go through it yourself. Best of luck with the rest of this pregnancy, hope it's a happy one and everything goes smoothly for you!

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S2b16 · 09/06/2015 17:58

I know a girl who lost a baby at 21 weeks due to a problem with her thyroid, she's due again next month. She said she's really anxious at every scan and has had a lot of scans. She's also having a section at 37 weeks, the mw/consultants etc are really taking care of her. Sorry I can't be any more use with how she is emotionally x

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 18:05

Thank you s2b16. Keeping everything crossed for your friend!

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S2b16 · 09/06/2015 18:52

Thank you. X

TheWildOnes · 09/06/2015 18:59

I suffered a late loss last June. I got pregnant again last August and now have a 3 week old baby. Although this pregnancy was pretty textbook i was very anxious from the second i found out until i held him in my arms. I didnt enjoy the pregnancy and worried every single day, obviously he was worth all the worry but i am sad that the pregnancy couldnt have been the exciting time my previous ones were.

Flambola · 09/06/2015 19:05

Hi Lola. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have some experience myself - my son was stillborn in December and I'm now 18 weeks pregnant. It's terrifying, I'll be honest. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm scared every single day but I'm being well-supported by my midwife, consultant and GP. I got pregnant again very quickly as I thought my anxiety would be the same whether I got pregnant now or in a year - what you've experienced never leaves you. If you want, there's a ttc thread on the conception board called 'Angels and Rainbows'. There's a couple of women who have gone through similar to you and they are a wonderful support.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 09/06/2015 19:07

I lost my daughter last May at 35 weeks though she had a fatal foetal abnormality. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and I will be honest, it has been difficult. I am receiving fantastic care from my consultant and the midwives though which is a great comfort. Have also had additional scans and will be having a big scan, much like the 20 week scan, at 16 weeks which will give me some reassurance provided it all goes well. I'm sorry for your loss and good luck!

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 19:45

Thank you for the replies ladies. My midwives and consultant were so supportive through my loss and they've promised me LOADS of support and extra scans etc next time, so that will be a big help. I am expecting to be a nervous wreck right through though! Ultimately it was bleeding that caused my loss in the end so I've got a feeling I'll be rushing to the toilet every 5 minutes to check!

Flambola that was exactly my thinking as well, I'm going to be terrified whenever it happens so we might as well just go for it!

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Brummiegirl15 · 09/06/2015 20:19

Hi Lola

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can tell you that if you pop on to the recurrent miscarriage thread - in the body & soul / miscarriage section. Two ladies called Spammit and PopandCry have both had late losses and are both TTC.

Bluebell29 · 09/06/2015 20:34

Hi LolaStarr, weirdly I came into this forum because I was going to post something very similar to you. Sorry about your loss. We lost our baby at 21 weeks 3 months ago (our baby's heart stopped beating due to FFA) and at the moment are talking about TTC again. It's a terrifying thought.

I've only been pregnant once and it was such a tough, awful, sad experience. I also think that those 21 weeks were so long, it seems like our baby's birth was also quite a while ago now and I still should be pregnant, she wasn't due til next month. I don't think I'm explaining it very well but 40 weeks now seems like such a long time. How on earth do you survive that length of time being anxious? Also, I was very positive when I got pregnant, nothing was a worry, whereas if we're lucky enough to conceive again in the future I think I'll just be so anxious and I really don't want to be.

Anyway, just to let you know you're not alone. I've nothing to say that helps, but there are definitely more people than I could have imagined that find themselves in this position.

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 20:40

Hi bluebell, I'm so so sorry about your little one, I hope you're coping ok. I hate to think of anyone else going through the same thing because it's so horrific I'm lucky in that I already have a one year old little boy and I had the easiest pregnancy ever with him, so I know it's possible. Hopefully it'll go that way for both of us next time xx

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angelopal · 09/06/2015 20:45

Sorry for your loss. Have you been on the SANDS forum. They have ttc and next pregnancy groups.

I joined them when ttc and pregnancy after a neonatal loss. Having people who knew what I was going through and had the same fears really helped.

It is difficult and scary but we now have a happy healthy toddler.

Hope everything works out for you.

LolaStarr · 09/06/2015 20:46

Hi angelopal, I didn't know sands had a forum, I'll definitely have a look. Thank you!

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Bluebell29 · 09/06/2015 21:27

Hi Lola, thank you. We're doing a lot lot better now. We knew we were going to lose our little girl so had time to prepare as best we could before her heart stopped. In hindsight, I think having that time did help. I wish you all the best in the future, I might see you over on a TTC after loss forum, though not sure if I will join something like that, I never have before! I'm sure it will be an anxious time for you but it will hopefully be all worth it. The very best of luck to you!

Iwonderif · 10/06/2015 12:24

Hello Lola. My son would have been 9 in a few weeks. I went on to have a daughter (13 months later) & a son who is almost 5, he amazingly shares the same birthday as his big bro. Pregnancy after loss
is indeed very demanding and of course worrying. Your hospital team I'm sure will do an amazing job at doing all they can to ease your nerves. You will need patience and lots of understanding and cuddles from those closest to you. I'm so terribly sorry you have experienced one of life's most painful and agonising things. Be gentle on yourself. Another pp mentioned SANDS. They are an incredible organisation and offer lots of support and guidance. I wish you all the very very best. You deserve it. Xx

LolaStarr · 10/06/2015 14:14

Thank you for your kind words iwonderif. I'm so sorry about your little one, how lovely to hear that you had two healthy pregnancies after that though. I have a lovely close family so I'll have lots of support x

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fanjodisfunction · 10/06/2015 14:35

my girl was stillborn at 36 weeks. she died from true knot in her cord. I went into labour thinking everything was fine to be told there was no heartbeat. this was in 2011. I fell pregnant two years later and had my little boy, I am now pregnant again.

pregnancy is full of mixed emotions now for me, I am happy that I am pregnant but I can't be happy as well. I don't like people knowing that I am as they give me that look that I must be alright now or that I hope this next one is a girl for her.

I thought this pregnancy now would be easier but today in my ninth week I'm feeling very emotional and not knowing how to cope. I'm seeing my midwife next week so hopefully as my care starts and progresses I will feel better. I did while pg with my son.

my consultant was amazing, we were consultant led throughout the pregnancy and he made it clear it was my decision what was to happen, if I wanted an induction or a c section etc. and it will be the same this time too.

just take every day as it comes, and if that's too much then every hour. I found goals in pg helpful, if this was scan dates or midwife appointment it helped me through.

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