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Would love a baby but not sure if the time is right

(20 Posts)
pinkdaffodil23 Fri 05-Jun-15 18:42:04

Hi everyone
I have been really wanting to having a baby recently, my partner would love children as well but says we have to wait until we can afford to me, which of course is logical. We both work fill time and earn an average wage nothing special but we're doing ok. The problem is I just can't stop wanting to have children, no matter how much I try switch my mind of from it. The only reason we wouldn't be able to financially is cause maternity pay is so low compared to my wage. My thinking is I would take baby to work with me and not have full maternity leave. I work as a nanny and I'm 99% sure the family would agree. I have 2.5 years left with them at least and have been with them 3 years. There children are like family to me.

My other thought as to why now would be better is when my current job ends I want to train as a teacher that's a year course so no time for having a baby then. My thoughts are more have baby now, carry on working until current job ends sept 2017 so I am still earning as much and then do teaching course and sort out childcare for little one, although I'll take a drop in wage to do teaching course.

I'm so confused on what's best but I just can't get it of my mind. Sorry for rambling any input will be greatly appreciated, please be nice smile

Newtobecomingamum Fri 05-Jun-15 19:38:42

Hi, what helped us was I worked out that I wanted 10months off mat leave and worked out what was the minimum we needed to live but to make sure we had enough money. We then worked out how much I'd be short for every month after maternity pay and child benefit was paid in. We then saved up for about 7m and this covered it for the shortfall.

Sounds good if you currently have a job where you could take the baby to work. I personally would have baby and then start teaching course (maybe you could do online courses whilst on mat leave etc) or after. If your feelings are so strong to have a baby now I would plans in place and go for it. Also, it took my hubby and I nearly a year to conceive so you're not always guaranteed to full pregnant straight away. Xx

pinkdaffodil23 Fri 05-Jun-15 19:42:35

Yes that's what I was thinking because if I wait until my job ends and do my course by time I qualify ill be 28 and then I wouldn't want to go on maternity as soon as I qualify so who knows when it would be and I want children this side of 30. Hopefully if I can take baby to work it would make so much sense as I'd be able to earn a full wage and not have childcare costs.if we went for it I'd have to have my fingers crossed my boss would defo be on board

Newtobecomingamum Fri 05-Jun-15 19:52:37

Sounds like you've answered your own question to me lol.

That's def what I would do too.

I don't know anyone lucky enough to have a job where they could take their baby/little one to work!! How ideal.., I have to pay over £350 a month just for one day a week at nursery!!

Best of luck X flowers

Rudawakening Fri 05-Jun-15 20:00:17

I'd be inclined to speak to my boss first before I got pregnant, they may not be okay with it. Asking after the fact could scupper your plans and mean taking very little maternity leave if you can't afford it.

pinkdaffodil23 Fri 05-Jun-15 20:03:27

I don't really want to mention it before, it could take ages, things could go wrong etc etc :/

StaceyAndTracey Fri 05-Jun-15 20:07:18

You definitely need to speak to your emplyer and see if she is willing to do a nanny share and what proportion of your wages you woudl lose .

Guyropes Fri 05-Jun-15 20:14:56

I agree with rud awakening. Also have a ponder about how many children you might like to have and what sort of age gaps you might prefer. Obviously, as new to becoming a mum says, you don't always get to choose when/ how many, but your plan sounds there is time for one child, a d then a gap of some years before you'd be in a position to have more. How do you feel about that?

StampyShortnose Fri 05-Jun-15 20:24:37

I would get the teacher training out of the way before having kids. You could do it now if you want kids sooner. It's so difficult to combine study and work placements with a baby (I did it in a different field and it nearly broke me) and I understand that teacher training is pretty full on.

Also check what mat pay you would be entitled to as a teacher, I'm pretty sure it's more than the basic statutory mat pay you will get as a nanny. This should enable you to have more time off with baby.

pinkdaffodil23 Fri 05-Jun-15 20:30:16

I can't really do my teacher training for another couple of years. Looking to start sept 2017. My minds boggled sad really don't want to wait a few years but don't know if I should

Athenaviolet Fri 05-Jun-15 20:35:00

Physically it's much easier to combine working and child raising when you are younger.

Rudawakening Fri 05-Jun-15 20:43:18

The thing is, she might not be okay with you bringing your very Young, very needy baby to work. She might feel that her children won't be your sole focus, which I generally find is one of the reasons that people hire a nany as opposed to day care/nursery.

I'd be pretty mad that my employee didn't discuss something like this beforehand as it will affect her children as well.

pinkdaffodil23 Mon 08-Jun-15 08:54:50

Well my partner figured something was on my mind so we discussed and he agreed that the timing was right so I have come of the pik. If I didn't go back to work money would be tight we will have 400-500 a month left after bills at the moment we have around £1300 left although I don't see how but that's what the numbers said lol

StaceyAndTracey Mon 08-Jun-15 10:15:22

If you are planning to go back to work you need to check with your emplyer - she may not want a nanny share . What will you do then ?

If you are not going back to work, you need to sort out how your partner will financially recompense you for the time you take off work to care for his child .

Who owns the house you live in ? If it's not both of you, get it changed right now .

Does he have a pension or savings ? How are you going to equalise that if you are not working?

You need to know that planning to give up your job when you have no financial security is a very risky thing to do for you and your baby . I know your partner thinks it's " the right time " , but he's not the one jeopardising his career and security ,you are .

Please think of your child in this

pinkdaffodil23 Mon 08-Jun-15 19:12:24

I'm not going to run it past my employer until I'm pregnant so as not to cause unnecessary tension. It could take me a month to get pregnant it could take years, therefore I dont feel right discussing it with her. If she says no we will be able to get by on what we will get and I'm going to start putting so much away a month from now. I'll then look for a new nannying job when I'm ready.
We both own the house and are in a very stable relationship

GymBum Mon 08-Jun-15 19:27:39

Hi Op. Wishing you well and hope you concieved quickly. I was just going to comment on your nanny thoughts. We have a nanny and she's amazing. We have a great relationship with her and the thought of losing her is awful. Bearing all this in mind I wouldn't be happy or comfortable if I was in your employers position. I wouldn't want her bringing her child to work. One of the main reasons people opt for nannies is because that person has complete focus on your child/children and no one else. This wouldn't work for us and we would have no option but to terminate our contract and look for someone new.

It's just something to consider and also would you be breaching your terms of employment?

Guyropes Mon 08-Jun-15 20:13:13

Good luck for the future op! Hope you conceive soon and find your way through the employment issues. (And think really Carefully about becoming a teacher.... sooooo stressful. Childminding from your own home might be a good option?)

pinkdaffodil23 Tue 09-Jun-15 10:59:44

Thank you for your wishes, I'm feeling really nervous at the moment I have stopped taking the pill so now to wait and fund out if I'm one of the lucky ones that gets back to normal quick or if it takes my body a long time to even gain regular periods back

prestolondon Tue 09-Jun-15 11:33:57

I think you have to do what is right for you and not your employer (it is your life!!), if you leave having a baby for the future who knows what would happen.

smellsofelderberries Tue 09-Jun-15 22:06:24

I really wouldn't count on being able to take your baby back to work with you with your current employers, and know the have no legal obligation to let you come with baby. They have to let you back after maternity leave but only under your current conditions ie no baby of your own. I've worked for a lot of families (nanny too) and it's nice you want to do the right thing, but they will do what is best for them too. They will drop you in a hot second if it doesn't suit them, please don't forget that. Also, if on the off chance they do agree for you to come back with a baby, you will be on a reduced rate and your wages will go down as you will be entering into a nanny share arrangement, with one of the children being your own, so that £1300 figure will go down. Good luck.

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