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Bulimia - will my GP tell?

(47 Posts)
ThomasAquinas Thu 28-May-15 21:19:20

I have name changed.

I am bulimic and pregnant. I want to tell my GP and get help with the disorder but am terrified he will be obliged to tell social services and that I will end up having my child placed on an 'at risk' register or something.

Is this what will happen if I tell him?

Skiptonlass Thu 28-May-15 21:24:39

No, in a word. If you're able to care for your child, you're fine. If you have a partner who can care for the child if you're ill, you're fine. If you were desperately sick with no support it might be another matter.

What is important is that you get some support and help. Pregnancy brings a lot of body changes which I imagine could be challenging for someone with disordered eating. Please get help and discuss with your GP.

Newtobecomingamum Thu 28-May-15 21:26:21

Hi, I don't know the answer to your question, but do think you should be honest and upfront to your GP for your health and the health of your baby.

You won't be the first woman to be in this situation and there will be help out there for you. The GP will be the one who can get you the help and support that you need.

I wish you all the very best and I am sure someone will be along shortly and help provide more advice on your post. flowers

makeminea6x Thu 28-May-15 21:28:43

No they won't, unless it seems like your child will be at risk and you need help from them.

Absolutely agree with pp, you need your GPs help at this time.

ThomasAquinas Thu 28-May-15 21:34:43

Thank you for not judging me and for offering advice.

I will be honest (and apologise now for drip-feeding): I have been bulimic for two years and in that time I have had a baby (this is my second). I selfishly purged all the way through that pregnancy, pretending it was pregnancy-related sickness. The baby was and is fine - a robust bundle of health. Not a single soul knew of my disorder until the night I told DP I was pregnant and he asked if 'we could talk'. He told me very gently that he had known 'for a while' that I was making myself sick but that now he would like me to get help for my mental health issues and for the health of this baby.

He dealt with my situation with incredible aplomb and sensitivity but I was - am - completely mortified that he knows. I am also sad and afraid that my opportunities for eating whatever I want and whenever I want have been thwarted. He knows I am afraid of social services becoming involved but he is insisting I get help from the GP. I'm afraid, but I'm more afraid of having to stop purging the calorific crap I love to eat sad

applecore0317 Thu 28-May-15 23:07:13

I told my midwife that I had an ED, and whilst I had been in a good place for a while I was worried that weight gain in pregnancy would trigger it.

She referred me to a consultant who would then assess whether I needed further help with it. They won't judge you and go running off to social services, they look at ways to help and support you through pregnancy. x

Bluepetra Fri 29-May-15 00:22:25

I had anorexia when I became pregnant with my first. I had support from Drs and psychologist plus a support worker. They never questioned whether or not I could care for my child. Amazingly pregnancy and having my child 'cured' me of my anorexia. Up until that point there'd been no help for me or real motivation.
I really hope you tell all, I know how hard it is, be brave. You'll get lots of help. Good luck.

Roseybee10 Fri 29-May-15 03:38:18

I'm so sorry you're going through this. ED are such an awful thing. Admitting to yourself you have a problem is the first step and even admitting on here that you're panicking about not being able to purge is a huge step.
DP knowing, although embarrassing and also inconvenient, will be a huge support to you.
Definitely let your GP or midwife know about the purging. They can offer support and keep an eye on things to make sure baby is ok and you are ok xx

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:11:16

Bluepetre, i think it is amazingly wrongheaded of you to think, and put that kind of expectation on a child. If there had been no motivation in your life until your child, that is too much to put on your child.

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:15:30

And i really do not think that is a way to go. I have a gap or hole, i will fill it with a kid. No.

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:16:58

My mother had an eating disorder, and i think you need to be care full.

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:19:26

Just the same as an alcholic, it is as destructive, but not as acceptable to talk about.

applecore0317 Fri 29-May-15 05:26:08

That's a bit harsh larksong. Bluepetra never said she got pregnant to try and cure her anorexia, she simply stated that it ended up curing her, plus you are judging her without knowing what her psychologists and support workers said, they may have got her to focus on the baby as motivation. Having an ED is extremely hard, as you can understand with your Mum suffering from one, so please don't jump on someone else's back for being honest about what they feel got them through.

My husband was my turning point, once I told him it was harder to hide and helped me accept that I need help, hope that it being out in the open with your DP helps you Thomas.

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:26:50

And i hope you get some help, op.

Kittymum03 Fri 29-May-15 05:28:55

OP,sorry if I'm being thick but when did you partner find out? As if reads like your now worried you won't be able to secretly eat and be sick,but you managed it all through the last pg,and since then,even though you said he already knew from presumably early on,when you told him you were pg.
It also worried me a little the part where you said 'He knows I'm afraid of SS getting involved but he is insisting I get help' as that reads a little to me like you are seeing him as the enemy,and he is forcing you to see the GP,just to be nasty.Its for your health,and your unborn baby's health.Theres no hidden agenda.
Your very brave being honest I know it would of been hard to even write this flowers I also think you need to tell the GP just so they know.Im sure you won't get into any kind of trouble or they won't instantly ring SS but I know it's scary.You need to try to think of your 2 little ones though.The one you already have,they will think it's normal,I imagine,when they are a little bigger,they will copy (As you know you don't get to go to the bathroom very often in peace smile)

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 05:37:05

Frankly, it is harsh. Living with a mother with an eating disorder was harsh and it made a massive impact on me.

She said pregnancy and having her child 'cured' her of her anorexia.

I grew up with a mum with anorexia and it was not easy. I do not think it is ok to use having a child as a cure. That is what i think, based on my experience. I send best wishes to the op, and i am sorry for having hijacked, but i think it is an issue worth talking about

applecore0317 Fri 29-May-15 06:10:44

I understand you suffered yourself from your Mother having an ED and am sorry for that, but that doesn't mean you have the right to shoot someone down for feeling that pregnancy cured them, again, you don't know how the posters psychologist managed her therapy and what they got her to focus on. Everyone who has recovered from an ED has a point in their lives that they feel was a turning point to curing them, it is hard to accept having an ED and a long hard road to recovery, I think it's great that she did recover.

Larksong Fri 29-May-15 06:24:12

Apple, i think it is great she recovered too.

ThomasAquinas Fri 29-May-15 07:16:46

My partner says he has known 'for a while' but he clearly wants me to confess the exact date I started and why, as he, I feel, is being purposely vague about how many times he has heard me purge. This is his way of avoiding hearing me lie, as he probably knows in his heart that I am highly likely to have been doing this for some time. He isn't stupid and I do not resent him for having confronted me with this. I don't feel he is being mean or unreasonable asking me to see my GP; the baby is in the forefront of his mind and that is as it should be.

When I was pregnant with my first we lived in a vast and rambling house (not ours; long story) with long dark corridors and umpteen bathrooms and so I found it easy to purge in peace away from the living room or our bedroom. We now live in a two-up-two-down where bathroom purging can evidently be heard from the lounge downstairs.

I am making an appointment this morning for my GP, as last night was awful; I was desperate to eat all the delicious crap I would normally eat but knew I wouldn't be able to purge. I felt sad about it and it spoiled my evening. What a loser. I will get help.

applecore0317 Fri 29-May-15 07:20:02

thomas you are not a loser!! Hope all goes ok with the GP, you can also speak to you midwife if you'd prefer who will be able to refer you. Good Luck with everything

ThomasAquinas Fri 29-May-15 07:22:04

Kitty, I would never, ever purge in front of anyone else, including my child; I never purge during daylight hours, it is only at night, when baby is tucked up in bed and I need to get rid of that 14" pizza, cake and cocolate, for example. I have never felt the urge to vomit after a nutritious meal; I have never purged my breakfast of porridge, nor have I vomited up the egg, spinach and cheese that I religiously have for lunch.

Thank you so much, all of you, for coming to help. I appreciate it very much.

Kittymum03 Fri 29-May-15 07:30:18

Oh sorry I didn't mean to upset you OP flowers
I didn't mean you do it deliberately in front of your children I was thinking if you did it by slipping off upstairs and the child might follow.Im sorry for posting that.

Your not a loser your very brave even admitting it.I hope it goes ok with the GP today,your already making great progress even writing about it.
And again,sorry my post upset you I know you don't need that right now.

Emjones88 Fri 29-May-15 09:43:21

As a teenager I suffered, and when my mum told me she knew I too felt the terror of desire to eat but not gain.

The knowing someone knew and was "watching" was stressful as I didn't know what to do, carry on more secretively or stop. I felt guilty too. Eventually it slowed and then stopped. I ended up on a bit of a fitness and healthy eating drive but it settled to a healthy balance after a while. And as an adult I found a good balance active lifestyle and good eating.

Now I'm pregnant I'm trying not to be harsh on myself as I can only eat what I can... And I'm getting fat.

Your DP sounds on your side so try and let him in. Mines DH is too and he helped me put a lot of my demons to bed over the years, old and new.

For you, your baby and family, you can get help to combat this and you will be ok (so will your waistline wink) xxx

ovumahead Fri 29-May-15 09:55:50

OP you're right to seek help, there's good therapy available for bulimia, it works. You may find it takes a little while to find things get fully understand control. Ultimately you need to be able to regulate your emotions without eating. This is good work for parenting anyway - you need to be able to teach your children healthy, functional emotion regulation skills so they, too, don't go into self destructive territory when older. Write down all your motivations to stop, and read this every day. I think the PP who claimed having a baby cured her of anorexia was referring to the amazingly powerful motivation children have on our ability to change into the healthiest versions of ourselves. No crime in that. Just indicative of incredibly low self esteem and low self efficacy which is what decent therapy should help people with an ED address. Best of luck sorting this out - bulimia is totally treatable so I'm sure you'll be fine.

sianihedgehog Fri 29-May-15 10:19:18

Your GP will not report you to social services if you ask for help, OP, don't worry. It's absolutely the right thing to do to tell them and get help. I'm currently getting mental health support for depression and anxiety while pregnant and I can tell you from experience that it has been completely non judgemental and supportive. They will get you help quickly and offer you lots of support with getting better.

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