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20 week scan- can't decide whether to find out the gender...

(17 Posts)
Cornerfield Sat 23-May-15 06:58:48

We have our 20 week scan booked in next week, and I can't decide whether to find out what we are having! We already have two girls, and although EVERYONE says "so you'll be hoping for a boy next then...?", for me that actually isn't true - I'm genuinely not bothered what we have, just a healthy baby would be nice!!!

The only thing is is that although my husband outwardly agrees with me, I do actually think he is hoping for a boy and wants to find out in advance of the birth so he isn't disappointed - or at least has time to deal with any disappointment. He would never say this out loud, but he has made hints that he'd like to find out this last time so we can be prepared clothes wise etc and perhaps have a clear out - but to me this isn't a big enough deal which makes me think he's worried. Any advice on this one?

scarednoob Sat 23-May-15 07:01:39

Did you find out with the other 2? I ask this because my friend approached it this way with her third - they'd had the experience of a surprise with the first 2, so with the third, they wanted to know how it felt to know in advance. (Yes she's a scientist!)

thecertaintyofchance Sat 23-May-15 07:05:32

I have 4. Found out with 2. I preferred knowing but it's a personal choice as dh preferred not knowing. Fwiw I think if he has a preference best to know in advance.

Cornerfield Sat 23-May-15 08:17:56

Scared, no, we didn't find out with the first two - I think I liked the element of surprise, but I would just hate it if OH was disappointed in anyway at the actual birth - maybe it is better to find out (if we can that is!). I don't know why I feel so apprehensive about it though!

Christelle2207 Sat 23-May-15 18:48:53

I found out with my 2nd. Having a son already I think I was secretly hoping for a girl and worried about disappointment if it turned out to be ds2, yet it would give me another 20 weeks to get over that disappointment if it was ds2!
Anyway it did turn out to be ds2 and the disappointment turned out to not really happen at all, though there was a tinge of sadness that I will now never have a daughter.
I'm pleased I found out because otherwise I would have been worried about potentially being disappointed about it being a son for the rest of the pregnancy even tho I know now it wouldn't have been! So the whole
(non) issue was nipped in the bud sooner rather than later.
Separate to this it's been helpful to know in advance from a practical perspective, as I've not had to buy anything!

yummymango Sun 24-May-15 09:06:12

I think if there is any chance of disappointment you should find out now and then you all have time to get used to it and don't have to worry about anyone feeling disappointed on the day. Of course you will both be happy whatever it turns out to be but if you feel he might be disappointed it might spoil the moment for you.
I found out with both mine and I am glad I did.

Steph1502 Sun 24-May-15 09:53:30

I have 3 DDs. With my last pregnancy I felt the same as this, wanted to find out to 'prepare' myself for another girl. However, when we went for the scan my little cherub had her legs crossed and the sonographer couldn't see her 'bits'. When she was born the instant love I felt for her was the exact same as the first 2. The midwife asked my OH to look and see what we had and he said he looked and was like 'where are her bits??' And was disappointed for a second. But as soon as he held her he was in love and it just didn't matter anymore and neither of us would change her for the world. Now expecting DC4 and honestly now that I know how not bothered I was when DD3 was born I genuinely don't mind what we are having. And this will be my last we won't be trying again for a boy! Lol. In contrast to all that though, I have booked in for a gender scan this time but purely to get organised. Baby due in November and want all our colours in so that we don't have any extra to pay out before Christmas. Hope that helps and congrats on your DC3 xxx

ItsADinosaur Sun 24-May-15 17:28:50

I have two DS's and didn't find out with either. I loved the surprise at the birth.

Cornerfield Mon 25-May-15 06:51:55

Thank you all very much for taking the time to respond! I think we will find out, it's funny how most people seem to nowadays! And then of course you can't rely on whether or not they can tell at the time...

lastnightiwenttomanderley Mon 25-May-15 06:59:59

I'm 23 weeks and didn't find out. DH and I aren't subscribers to the whole blue/pink thing so it's not like it would change anything.

We decided it was one of life's few truly nice surprises smile

batfish Mon 25-May-15 09:42:27

If you are not sure yet and your scan is soon then how about getting them to write it down and put it in an envelope? Then if you decide later that you want to know then you have the option. Some friends did this and never opened it - I don't think I could stand the temptation though!

blowinahoolie Mon 25-May-15 11:18:24

Got two DSs and pregnant with third which will be a surprise. I will find out at the birth.

Impala77 Mon 25-May-15 11:28:07

I wanted to know mainly because there's so little "neutral" clothing available. It's all pink or blue!
We only have one and I initially wanted a boy as I have some female problems that are hereditary and I knew with a boy I couldn't pass them on. However as soon as I knew she was a girl I loved the idea, and now I'm glad she's a girl.

ThedementedPenguin Mon 25-May-15 11:33:12

I found out with my two DC. If I was to have a third (I want another, dp doesn't) I would keep it a surprise. I have one of each so whatever the third would be id love to experience the wait and surprise for family.

blowinahoolie Mon 25-May-15 12:15:42

Baby girls can wear blue sleepsuits and babygrows! It's not a crime, and the baby doesn't give a hoot what they're wearing.

lastnightiwenttomanderley Tue 26-May-15 17:47:24

We have bought some mixed bundles off ebay and everyone has looked at them and said 'ooh, you're having a boy then?' (we don't know) to which I just look at them like this hmm

I'm wearing all blue today and DH has a very fetching pink shirt. It hasn't confused our chromosomes yet...

blowinahoolie Wed 27-May-15 13:15:48

I've got two boys already lastnight so the baby will be wearing blues or yellows regardless if it's a boy or girl...As long as the baby is warm and comfortable that's all that really matters.

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