Coping with stress

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

Any tips? Stress is really unavoidable at the moment!

Lots of financial problems coming to a head, eviction, bailiffs etc and I'm doing my damnedest to postpone it all whilst our financial advisor attempts to get our debts written off. It's turned into a full time job and not guaranteed to work.

This on top of every day life (university, dd, chores, pregnancy) at 29 weeks is proving pretty challenging.

I'm very aware of the stress and pressure im under and all the more aware that it's a self made mess which seems to make it worse.

At best im low and at worst im pannicky and teary. I'm making it worse by worrying about the effect it's all having on the baby- all I hear everywhere is 'stress is a babies enemy',' stress is the worst thing for a baby'. I just can't seem to get myself into a position where I don't need to worry as much. The families whole existence is resting on my shoulders!!

Has anyone else had experience of a mega stressful time during pregnancy? How did you cope?

[lougle]

Have you considered bankruptcy? It's quite drastic, but if you don't have many assets, it's very simple. You walk into court with a millstone around your neck and you walk out of court debt free.

[lougle]

I forgot to say that it's what we did when I was 8 weeks pregnant with DD2. We've been discharged for over 8 years now and haven't been in debt again in that time.

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

Thanks lougle, were in the process of a DRO but bankrupsy is the next step if we can't pull it off.

I feel like I've poured myself into it the last few weeks and im now just a sitting duck waiting for it all to happen :( I panic about leaving the house in case it's been emptied when we get back. I just feel so vulnerable and on edge all the time.

[lougle]

It will be fine. We spent a long time trying to avoid the reality of our situation. Had we known how simple and liberating bankruptcy would be (in our situation with no assets) we could have saved ourselves years of stress.

I fully recommend YNAB as a brilliant budgeting tool.

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

That's what we've been doing, seems so silly and childish now!

I will look at that, thankyou. Glad you manged to free yourself from it :)

[KatyN]

phrases like 'stress is the worst thing for a baby' are ridiculous (get me with my ranty pants on. I can think of lots of things that are worse for a baby: crack, violence, tornados, the list goes on.
if you can (and I appreciate it's very hard) try to stop worrying about the effect on the baby.. that is just another layer of worry for you. you have enough to worry about. and I believe they are pretty tough little things.
good luck, sorting everything else out.. kxx

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

It's going to have to be katy!

Yes I suppose, I best stay off the crack too Eh! I think im worrying more because I feel like I've failed this one already as well as poor dd who could lose her home and all her stuff. I've made her pick her favourite toy and take it to nursery today just on the off chance we can't get back into our house when we get back tonight! Not that she knows that obviously!

[Shnickyshnackers]

I second YNAB, and wonderfully supportive forum on their, check it out.

[Cloclo15]

Don't worry about the effect on the baby - babies are born in war zones/famine ridden areas etc all the time and they survive. Compared to that your baby will have a loving family who are trying to get themselves back on track by facing up to their financial problems. Your baby will be fine - good luck!

[avocadotoast]

Good luck with your DRO application OP. Fingers crossed for you. (If you're going through a reputable organisation who know what they're doing then hopefully it should go through ok - there's nothing to gain by putting forward an application that'd be rejected.)

I read that stress actually doesn't have as much of an impact on the baby as people might think, so at least that's a positive.

Have you considered looking on YouTube for pregnancy yoga/hypnobirthing/breathing exercises? Even if you can just set aside half an hour a week to wind down and relax it might really help you.

[lemon101]

Hey mishmoosh,

I just want to second what people are saying about not worrying too much about the effect on the baby and also just add that you need to remember to be kind to yourself too. I have a close friend who was in pretty much exactly the same situation and I know what a huge deal it was for her to get to grips with her debt and how stressful it was. You are not just a vessel for a child and you are not just a mother - this is happening to you too. Be kind to yourself.

And good luck - my friend managed to get into a debt management package and she's doing really well now (still owes a ton of money, but she's working on it and the bank isn't ringing and the bailiffs aren't at the door). She pays x every month and doesn't think any more on it.

There will be light at the end of the tunnel!

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

Thankyou for the kind words everyone, they are very much appreciated and brought a tear to my hormonal eye

Feeling slightly more chipper as we got home to find everything in its place and the front door still in one piece. Simple pleasures eh!

I'll have a look at YNAB now, thankyou :)

My friend is lending me a hypnobirthing cd in the next week or so. I'm planning a home birth (assuming we still have a home!) and need to get practicing with it, fingers crossed for positive results!

We are applying for the DRO through the housing association. They've provided us with a free financial advisor who is helping us with it which is incredibly generous considering they are one of the companies we owe! They have been absolutely fantastic in that respect and can not fault them. The debt dept are another matter and my official account handler has been incredibly awkward and unhelpful- when she's actually contactable that is!

lemon it's great to hear a positive story, thank you. I'm glad your friend is back on track, I hope Im closer to being in her shoes soon!

Thanks again everyone, I really do appreciate it!

[LD29]

getoutofdebtfree.org
Might be useful.