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Third trimester with a toddler = hell!

(49 Posts)
Coastingit Thu 30-Apr-15 20:45:06

Oh my word I am struggling.

I have a 3yo, he is super demanding and takes all my energy and time. I'm in so much discomfort now at 35 weeks I can't cope! I need to lie down most of the time, struggle to play on the floor, can't run around at the park any more or all of his favourite things to do with mummy.

Anyone else in the same boat? Just had the bedtime hour from hell and then he cried himself to sleep and told me to go away when I went back in to comfort him sad I rushed through his bedtime stories as I was so uncomfy and just wanted to get to my own bed.

DH is trying to reassure me saying all older siblings have to go through this, but I feel so guilty.

BlinkAndMiss Thu 30-Apr-15 20:58:58

Absolutely with you sad, it's awful. I'm 34 weeks and very uncomfortable, I'm also struggling with keeping my blood pressure down which is not helped by having my toddler around. When I'm with him I feel guilty because I can't keep up, when I'm not with him I feel guilty because I feel like I've abandoned him. His behaviour isn't great at the moment and I know it's because I'm not my usual self, he's very clingy around me and wants to be carried (has hated being babied for about 6 months now!).

I'm not much help as I don't have solutions, but wanted you to know you're not alone. I'm just looking forward to a few weeks time when at least I'll be able to bend to him and hopefully move around a bit faster so we can play. I hope you feel better soon smile.

Tory79 Thu 30-Apr-15 21:05:58

That was me 8 months ago! We watched a lot of tv, and I made sure we went on outings with non pregnant people so they could help or run around after him.

I just wanted to come on to reassure you that the stories you may have heard are true - life with a toddler and a newborn is much easier than the last few weeks of pregnancy. I held on to that thought, and thank god, even though I had a section it was still much better.

Bigbadgeorge Thu 30-Apr-15 22:22:20

Tory79, those words give me hope! It really is hard work when you are massive and sore and tired but have to chase a small child around! I usually spend bedtime stories trying not to vomit from reflux!

SaBearOz Fri 01-May-15 05:12:17

Pregnancy with a toddler is horrible- have a 17 month old and a 3 year old and am 31 weeks. Exhausted, uncomfortable and irritable is my mood at the moment. I know the kids are watching far too much TV but I just can't entertain them for hours on end. Bedtimes are the worst. Be kind to yourself!

TheEagle Fri 01-May-15 05:18:34

You have all my sympathy OP! I cried A LOT when pregnant with the DTs and trying to mind DS.

They're 12 days old now and it is so much easier now I am not pregnant any more. I'm no longer mega uncomfortable and feeling like I'm going to vomit every few minutes.

You also forget how much newborns sleep smile (well, during the day at least).

Good luck for the last few weeks.

tumbletumble Fri 01-May-15 05:25:26

I agree - for me, being heavily pregnant and having a toddler was much harder than having a toddler and a newborn. Hang in there!

farmerswifey Fri 01-May-15 06:59:24

We're making the most of every playgroup going and spending lots of time with friends or at soft play. I'm 38 weeks, DD is 2.5 and I find being out of the house so much easier, especially if there are other kiddies and non pregnant adults to keep DD entertained. At home I just feel guilty for not doing more and at least the fresh air means we're both well and truly knackered by bedtime.

Not long now smile

scarednoob Fri 01-May-15 08:24:26

I've not been there but just wanted to say that you are doing your best and your toddler won't remember this anyway, so you should be kind to yourself. Meanwhile you are about to give him the best thing ever; a sibling and hopefully best friend for life. Totally worth it!

Christelle2207 Fri 01-May-15 08:36:22

What a nice post!
I'm nearly 38w with a 21 month old and am rather ashamed to say I'm only really coping by sending my eldest to nursery as usual (2 dpw) and relying on grandparent help a lot of the rest of the time. Realise i'm very very lucky to have this and also DH works from home so at least is able to help first and last thing. Even though I feel like a part time mum at the moment it's utterly exhausting.

cupcakesandapples Fri 01-May-15 08:49:11

Can i join? Im 30 weeks and have a 2.5yr old and am knackered! She wants to be on the go constantly and im so uncomfortable. Took her to soft play and she wants me climbing up all the frames with her! I was dead by the end.

Dont have much family/friends around so cant really get any me time. Roll on baby coming and hopefully i wont be so uncomfortable!

BlinkAndMiss Fri 01-May-15 09:15:39

Some very comforting words on here, it's nice to hear that life with a newborn and a toddler is a bit easier than being pregnant and having a toddler. The guilt is awful, I'm having to do nothing to try and keep my blood pressure down, poor DS doesn't understand. I've taken him to the childminder today, he'll have a great time out with her so I can relax, I'm sad it's not me having fun with him though.

I hope everyone is ok today, I'm trying to focus on the fact it won't be long and in the grand scheme of things everyone will come out of this unscathed!

longestlurkerever Fri 01-May-15 09:53:51

Hello. Can I join this discussion? I am 36 weeks tomorrow and dd is 3.9. I am still at work this week and next and sooooo ready to finish, but the days with dd are tiring too - she is watching a lot of Peppa Pig. There are 2 bank holiday weekends between now and my due date and I feel tired thinking about them!

She is so sweet about the idea of the baby though - she has sorted out all the toys she wants the baby to have and has helped me decorate the nursery. I really hope the reality lives up to the promise but am worried she is going to go off the rails like some friends have found. She is in many ways very independent (ie she is not clingy and will happily run off and play with her friends) but in other ways quite demanding of attention (very impatient to get my attention and constantly wants to play) so it could go either way.

Mangobubbles Fri 01-May-15 11:30:06

Hello! I have been thinking of starting the same thread, so thank you for doing it! I would also like to join in, I'm 34 weeks pregnant with DC 3 and finding afternoons and evenings such a struggle. I have two lively boys, 3 & 5 and have stopped walking the school and preschool runs which has helped a lot. I drive instead. I try to do as much of the dinner in the morning when I have a bit of energy and I have to admit that you tube on the iPad has been a life saver lately. It doesn't help that DS 1 is really tired after school and is totally unreasonable in the afternoons, crying at everything, even if I ask him to do something simple like take off his shoes, then DS2 joins in as he copies his brother. Hate the feeling of counting down the hours til bed time but sometimes that's how it is. Getting a bit scared about how a baby will fit in to this chaos, but at least I will be able to walk properly by then! Good luck everyone.

longestlurkerever Fri 01-May-15 12:55:50

I agree bedtime is hard work. Is anyone else feeling quite sick again? By the evening I feel really quite stomach-churny and drained. Once dd is in bed and I have my dinner I feel a bit better.

On the days I have dd I have been taking her to activities she can manage by herself - eg softplay with a friend, gymnastics class, the creche at Ikea (she loves this!) or low key fun like a picnic in the garden, then I don't feel too guilty if we also spend quite a bit of time snuggled up watching telly. Am so looking forward to finishing work though and having the odd day at home napping while she is at nursery - though she will finish at 3:15.

Bigbadgeorge Fri 01-May-15 15:24:18

Yes! Although now the baby has dropped its eased a little. Still throw up most days though. Bleurgh!

Fortunately I have finished work now but I'm being a mean mummy and still sending my dd to nursery until after the baby arrives. The ability just to rest is amazing though, I feel and look ten times better for it.

longestlurkerever Fri 01-May-15 15:32:18

Oh gosh bigbad that is not mean at all! Dd is old enough for free hours now and I can't wait to do all the hanging around cafes with a newborn again while she is at nursery!

Bigbadgeorge Fri 01-May-15 15:56:06

at least I know she enjoys it there! Actually a bit concerned for when she stops going at the end of the month- they do so much fun stuff I don't know how I'll keep her entertained!
Coffee and cake is definitely one of the perks of having a newborn smile

OneFlewOverTheMumsNest Fri 01-May-15 16:35:38

It's good to read that it is easier post birth. That's what I was hoping for. I have a 3.1yo and am 34 weeks. I'm generally terrible at pregnancy, felt awful throughout but it's really hard work now. Started ML yesterday thankfully and still sending dd to childminder 3 days (although will drop to 2) so I can get some rest. Given that I fell asleep while she watched TV the other day, I don't consider it mean, more an absolute necessity...

geekymommy Fri 01-May-15 16:53:55

This thread has been really helpful for me. I'm 28 weeks and have a toddler who will be 3 in August, who does not sleep well. It's not easy, and I was worried that it would get harder when DS was born.

I have to keep DD in day care at least part time, even if I'm not working- around here, there is a waiting list for decent day care slots, and I don't want to lose her spot in day care. Her being in day care also means DS has pretty much a guaranteed slot when he's old enough that I want to go back to work. Then there's also the fact that I am not good at all at planning activities for DD, and I'm not really social or organized enough to arrange regular playdates. DD is much more social than I am, and I think her day care fulfills her social needs much better than I can.

craazyperson Sat 02-May-15 02:13:43

Well I'm glad it's not just me. Also glad of reading the reassuring comments about post birth! I'm 36 weeks and have a Ds age 3 recently diagnosed with autism and some days are really hard going, just 2 weeks ago he went threw a stage of having 18-20 hour days but thankfully it has passed and his bedtime routine has kicked in again. I've also that pelvis disfunction thingy (sorry baby brain and cant remember the proper term) ds is a runner with no sense of danger at all which I've been told is due to the autism so going anywhere with him myself is becoming near impossible I even had to take him into town yesterday in the buggy because I physically can't compete with him now, when he's off he's off and I'm barely able to walk nevermind run, the pain is absolutely horrendous! I'm also a sahm now since the concerns began at nursery over ds behaviour/development. We decided with advice, that the nursery he was in was less than suitable for him (they weren't very cooperative at all to say the least) he has had so many appointments anyway he would have hardly attended anyway and we can't get a space in his new nursery for at least another month so some days he's with me literally from dusk till dawn, well during that few weeks there anyway where he just didn't get tired EVER! I'm also racked with sympathy and worry for him which rolled in with hormones has me a bubbling wreck on the times I do get to myself and I can't get to sleep anyway then it's back up again for groundhog day.

Looking on he brightside though I've only 2 weeks left until I'm induced so it's not forever. I also have 2 doting aunts who jump at the chance to give me a break at the weekends when I take them up on the offer and I really appreciate the fact that although it's very hard he's a little treasure I couldn't be without! But again it is VERY HARD going. I'll be happy if my body just gets back to normal and let's me get on with it after birth I'm starting to think it's wishful thinking though because of how much pain I'm in. Does it just go away, The pelvis thingy?

longestlurkerever Sat 02-May-15 10:19:17

craazy hugs. Your situation certainly puts things in perspective. I think spd does just go away. Have you been given sny medication for it?

I hope the new nursery comes through for you soon. Is there nothing in the way of respite help or groups in the meantime? You could contact the hv and see if she could put you in touch with homestart or similar? Xx

longestlurkerever Sat 02-May-15 10:20:35

Ps glad your aunts are helpful but the week must be long.

Racheyg Sat 02-May-15 21:30:54

Ohhhh, can I join? I have a 20 month ds and 36 weeks pregnant with ds2. Have just given up work and really starting to feel knackered, plus I'm huge and measuring at 40 weeks sad

Can I ask advice? My ds1 has always slept well going to bed at 7 and sleeping all the way through until 6.30/7 but the last week or so point blank refuses to go to bed, screams and screams and gets himself so worked up. We haven't changed anything with his routine and at a loss what to do? We have started putting him to bed later but he still gets so upset. He is also waking up at night. It breaks my heart seeing him so distressed. Hope you all are having a good weekend xx

Bigbadgeorge Sun 03-May-15 17:29:34

You have my sympathy racheyg, my 22 month old is suddenly very hard to get down, can take up to two hours! I think it's the light evenings....

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