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Birth plan with midwife. HELP. She makes me feel shitty.

(87 Posts)
Rebecca1608 Sun 26-Apr-15 06:35:14

First of all i'm almost 31 weeks pregnant with mono-di twin girls. Consultant led and very happy with how they're keeping an eye on me with appointments and scans fortnightly.

HOWEVER. I saw my midwife thursday and she's given me a birth plan pack to fill in or atleast look over then to make another appointment to see her to finish off. I told her there wasn't much i could put down as i was opting for an ELCS. Which my consultant agreed was the best idea considering the complications with just having the one placenta & the fact one baby is always breech while the other is transverse.

Yet my midwife keeps telling me not to rush my decision. I informed her i've known i was expecting twins since around 7 weeks due to a scare and i'd given it plenty of thought and all i need is a date to go in.

I also mentioned when asked about feeding that i was doing bottle only. I said i may be too tired to express or struggle to breastfeed 2. It would make it easier for my OH to feed and mum who has offered to help aswell.

She just let me know that it wasn't all about me and what was easier for me. C sections are traumatic and babies need the goodness from breast milk. I feel like i'm making rubbish decisions now and i'm due to see her again tuesday with no paper work done when i could potentially only have 5 weeks or so left. sad

WinterBabyof89 Sun 26-Apr-15 06:40:46

Please don't take it to heart.
Follow the advice of your consultant.. You've made your plans - they sound perfectly reasonable to me.
The next time she mentions anything to do with birth/feeding SHUT HER DOWN! Tell her that you've made your decisions and they're final. Keep repeating this until she gets the message - do not engage.
Hope all goes well with the birth smile

g0ldie Sun 26-Apr-15 06:46:29

She sounds like she has her own agenda and is being really unhelpful!!
Why don't you write down elcs as discussed and agreed with consultant as safest option.
Is there anything else you want to add about this choice? For example I could play my own music so had a choice ready?
Please ignore her she really does not sound helpful. Maybe have a phrase you can repeate to her if she doesn't listen like - I have spent time thinking about what is best for my baby, family and I and I don't think your listening to me?
Good luck.

Withalittlesparkle Sun 26-Apr-15 06:49:04

It's not right for a midwife to make you feel shitty!

Re breastfeeding, midwives have to push breastfeeding. I was 24 hours post labour having tried to breastfeed, DS has jaundice and was being threatened with tube feeding and the midwife still wouldn't say the f word!! You may feel differently about expressing when babies get here (I did it for two weeks) so maybe keep it as a wait and see?

One thing I would say about bottle feeding, people say you don't get the same bond as you do with a bf baby, nonsense, all we did was restrict who fed our son. Bottles were done by me or DH for almost 6 months! And I couldn't feel closer to my son. Might be harder to replicate with twins but maybe worth a shot?

As for a birth plan, you're having a ELCS, but you can still have a birth plan. Consider things you might like to happen when you're in theatre (realistically) would you like music playing? Who do you want to tell you babies have arrived? Minimal talking in the room etc

PinkFondantFancy Sun 26-Apr-15 07:09:35

No real advice as haven't had twins but one thing to consider re. feeding is that once you get breastfeeding established,I think it would be quicker and easier than formula feeding - no getting up to make up bottles in the night, a lot less to organise and remember to pack when you're trying to leave the house. Anyway maybe just see how you feel once they've arrived, no need to stress about it either way at the mo.

I think there's other things you could consider about an ELCS birth plan as above eg if you want skin to skin, if you want the screen to be lowered as baby is born etc.

Rebecca1608 Sun 26-Apr-15 07:12:56

I would like music playing in the background and would like for my OH to come in with me. I may change my mind about breastfeeding but at the moment it's just not something i wanted to do. She did tell me mums who do have a better bond but i know plenty of mothers who never and are very close to their children (my mum & sister never did) Midwife kept mentioning pain relief. Ventouse. Forceps. Birth pools and going off on one and not listening to me. I just don't want her to be a nightmare on tuesday.

Rebecca1608 Sun 26-Apr-15 07:14:57

I would love to see my babies once they've been delivered incase i have to wait a few hours/ until the next day until i see them properly.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 26-Apr-15 07:18:45

Seriously dont let anyone make you feel shit about formula feeding. It is bollocks that breast feeding mums have a closer bond with their babies and you dont have to get up and make feeds fresh in the middle of the night. You will need to recover from a long pregnancy and an operation and if you want to FF then do it.

With regards the MW, just nod and smile. She wont be at your birth and she wont expect to see your birth plan at any point.

JassyRadlett Sun 26-Apr-15 07:25:49

I have a close friend with twins who was very pro-BF and even she mixed-fed until the children were 3 or 4 months.

Can you ask for a different MW? Yours sounds fundamentally disrespectful of both you and your consultant.

Looserella Sun 26-Apr-15 07:26:09

Stick to your guns. I would ff too.

Mouthfulofquiz Sun 26-Apr-15 07:27:34

I agree with the poster above, I am sure it is actually easier once you get established. In the depths of tiredness there is no faffing with bottles. But if you really don't want to then fair enough. I can understand people not wanting to, but it might not be as hard as you are expecting it to be.

Stillyummy Sun 26-Apr-15 07:30:30

If you don't breast feed, this could prove invaluable... Basically makes the bottles to perfect temperature so you can feed quickly. Otherwise you have to faff about, stressful with one crying baby, let a loan 2.

JemFinch Sun 26-Apr-15 07:37:27

Get the ready made formula to begin with if you FF. BF twins is bloody hard work, although possible - there is a new fb support group for BFing multiples and lots of Info on TAMBA.

Personally, I expressed for 5 weeks while my twins were in SCBU, they never latched, and were supplemented with high calorie nutri prem formula (31 weekers). As so as they came home I ditched the expressing and went straight to formula.

Your mw sounds like a prat. Good luck!

CanIGoToBedNow Sun 26-Apr-15 07:45:38

I'm a twin and was FF - my dad's job was to make the days bottles in the morning.... One less thing my mum had to do.

Do not feel under any pressure to BF - it's bloody hard with two wanting attention at the same time. I know my sister tried expressing for her twins but never produced enough to make it worthwhile.

Good luck

violetlights Sun 26-Apr-15 07:54:23

Please ignore your midwife; while some are marvellous, some are really ignorant and overstep their boundaries. (Incidentally I'd love to see all of them trying to bf newborn twins) Your birth plan sounds very similar to my sister who was expecting twins under the same circumstances. As you know, your EC is a very sensible option under the circumstances!

My sister says she really wished she hadn't listened to everyone telling her to try and breastfeed. The attempt ran her into the ground.

However, one thing you might want to bear in mind is that for whatever reason your babies might not be able to digest formula well (hers didn't). And while formula was a necessity for her (with donated bm from me) wasn't an easy option. If for some reason bf comes totally easy to you, plus your babies find formula hard, then It could be worth keeping an open mind about how you want to feed them. Congrats and good luck to you!!

fromwesttoeast Sun 26-Apr-15 07:57:19

There's probably some kind of checklist of things she has to say to you. Try not to take it too personally. You have a plan with the consultant and the consultants view will probably be given priority in any case.
Re the feeding I'm another to say see how you feel when the time comes. I wanted to bf my twins but had to supplement with bottles at the beginning. Bottles were very hard work in my experience, the babies didn't really want to know and I would sit there for ages willing them to take some in but they would drink very little of it, which I found quite upsetting. Bf seemed to satisfy them much better, calmer etc. So to an extent it's the babies who make the decisions for you!
The main priority with twins is to take the easy option in everything!!!! So i'd say keep your options open until you see what's going to be easiest and then go with it.
Anyway, best wishes, twins are fab!

BoffinMum Sun 26-Apr-15 08:06:55

She sounds a bit out of step. Two thoughts I had though in relation to bf. It's not all or nothing - you could do it for a couple of days so they got the colostrum and then stop, and also if bf twins was too tiring, then I would definitely get one of those new machines that makes up feeds automatically etc, that someone else mentioned.

Ultimately do what makes you happiest. Ignore mw.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sun 26-Apr-15 08:08:46

Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers

Does your midwife mean that your babies need to be bf just straight after birth? If so then I have to agree, the colostrum will really really help them and it's only that first 24-48 hours, then bottle feed after that?

I live on a farm and see approx 1800 'babies' born a year. There is a difference in those that get colostrum, and those that don't. A massive difference, and after seeing this I really do think that every mother should try their best to give the baby colostrum.

Go to ff afterwards, by all means, I also don't believe that it affects the bond, but that first colostrum will make a big difference to your baby's health and it is only there for such a short time.


ovumahead Sun 26-Apr-15 08:24:25

I think midwives are trained and under a lot of pressure to get women to breast feed. If I were you I would rehearsed what to say to Midwife if she goes off on one again. Perhaps something like "I appreciate your thoughts but these are my plans and I don't want to change them" and repeat as often as necessary. Or "when you ignore what i'm saying it stresses me out so can you stop suggesting alternatives when I already have an agreed plan in place?" just saying these things calmly should help... If not, not much else you can do!

I would also write a birth plan if having a cesarean - you need to think about skin to skin, what you do/don't want to see and same for dh - he may have the choice of looking when they're being born, for example. Lighting, music, cord clamping, etc..

Good luck!

carrierpenguin Sun 26-Apr-15 08:40:11

She sounds like a fool, ignore! However, I would consider bf or expressing, even if only for a week or two as you will likely have the breastmilk if you choose to use it, I understand the colostrum is really good for newborns.

Good luck whatever you decide!

kapai Sun 26-Apr-15 09:11:04

It's not all about you. But I believe a happier mum is better for babies than a stressed out and exhausted one.

IME midwives can try to push you around so stick to your guns.

Can you take someone with you to the next appointment for a little back up?

seaoflove Sun 26-Apr-15 09:30:49

You know, one of the advantages of expecting your second (or third...) child is knowing that birth plans and feeding plans don't matter as much as you think.

So: I'm having an ELCS. I don't give a crap what anyone thinks about that, but in fact have had nothing but sympathy from all the midwives I've spoken to about it (the consultant who booked it was a different story!). Anyone who wants to pass judgement on me is welcome to listen in detail about how badly I tore and how long it took me to recover. I would choose ELCS with twins every day of the week.

Breastfeeding was a disaster and I nearly made my baby very ill for trying. I'm going to FF from the start this time, because I want the baby to be fed (not starved) and I don't want their early days to be wrecked with crippling postnatal anxiety. I also know that formula didn't do DC1 any harm. So when MWs and HVs have broached the subject, I have no qualms about saying I'll give BF a go but I'll move to formula at the slightest hint of a problem.

It's SO liberating not worrying about this stuff. I highly recommend it grin

MrsHenryCrawford Sun 26-Apr-15 09:58:56

What a wagon. Midwives are meant to support breastfeeding but that shouldn't mean disrespecting you and your decisions (and you have very valid reasons for your decisions). Can you request to see another midwife? You don't need the stress of dealing with unhelpful people at this stage

Rebecca1608 Sun 26-Apr-15 10:28:35

Birth plans probably don't matter as much as i'm stressing about them but my consultant wanted to finalise everything by 32 weeks. I don't have an appointment at 32 weeks so it's either this week coming at 31 weeks or 33 weeks. I know a plan could change babies could come early or whatever but i wanna get something down atleast.

I've got no one to take with me to my appointment as my mum works full time and my OH has not long started a new job and doesn't want to ask for all the time off.

I can't request a different midwife as she's the only one that goes to the surgery.

littlesupersparks Sun 26-Apr-15 10:35:00

CS definitely seems like the sensible option considering your babies' positions.

Also definitely do not feel under pressure to bf but I have 6 day old twin myself and I have to say the thought of sterilising bottles on top of everything else would be nightmare whereas they bf beautifully and I can even feed them together! So I just wouldn't completely discount it.

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