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Pregnancy

Really unsure about pregnancy

38 replies

Chickenandpenguin · 19/04/2015 20:10

Hi
I've been posting quite a lot on here recently as have just found out I'm pregnant with dc3. It was planned, happened very quickly and was a pregnancy which DH needed a bit of persuasion on. I really wanted it, and a 3rd child obviously.
But now I'm actually, actually pregnant I'm sooooo unsure. I keep wondering if i should not keep it/having awful thoughts about miscarriage etc. I just don't know what's going on but I'm so worried about everything. It ruining our life, our children's lives etc
Can anyone empathise? Should I think about looking at a termination? Argh I just don't know! Sorry if anyone finds this offensive, I don't mean it to be.

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lemon101 · 19/04/2015 20:23

Hello Chicken,

I suspect a lot of this is hormonal and I'd go with what you wanted before you got pregnant. I'm in my first trimester with my first child and despite the fact it is really wanted I have recently had significantly cooler feelings towards the little thing I'm carrying. Partly that is due to the unrelenting nausea , but I suspect its also hormonal - all of a sudden I'm worrying about work and my relationship with dh and anything else I can think of. That's not usually me and I suspect your worrying is much the same.

Chin up lovely.

Hotpotpie · 19/04/2015 22:12

I think fairly normal, this is my second but I have an sd also and I've been having very similar thoughts. I've also been ridiculously preoccupied with birth defects. I think it's pretty normal hormonal stuff

TerryTheGreenHorse · 19/04/2015 22:17

I could have written your post word for word. I wish this feeling would go away it's awful.

lemon101 · 19/04/2015 22:23

Hey chicken,
... Just to add - can you talk to your OH about these fears? Once you say these things out loud you can realize how bonkers they are. But also if these concerns are valid in anyway then they need to be talked through anyway. I know he took a bit of persuasion but he's not going to throw it back at you is he?

TerryTheGreenHorse · 19/04/2015 22:28

I talked to my DP who was remarkably understanding, under the circumstances as he also needed a bit of persuasion.

Have you been able to? It did make me feel a bit better.

Giddyupgumdrop · 19/04/2015 22:36

I could have written your post 6 yrs ago. I campaigned heavily for a third child then freaked out when it happened so quickly. Once I got over the initial shock I got into the swing of the usual coping with sickness etc. He is the most delightful addition to our family and the three of them have become this lovely unit.

Giddyupgumdrop · 19/04/2015 22:39

I should have said that I also worried that the strain of 3 kids would cause my relationship to break down but it didn't. We finally got married when he was two and we are still here going strong.
Hope that helps in some way

carbolicsoaprocked · 19/04/2015 22:41

Hi Chicken, just to say I got the omg what have I done feelings too, even though the pregnancy was planned. It was mainly at the start but I've also had omg moments where reality of the changes about to hit us dawn upon me. Has there been any changes of circumstances since you decided to try for a baby or any particular concerns?

Flambola · 20/04/2015 02:17

It could be hormonal, or shock - but it could be you're not ready for a third baby. I would look into a termination at the very least, because when faced with the truth of it you might realise what you want.

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 06:25

When I found out and told my DH he did a little freak out, I brought up termination then and it was definitely no (we had one many years back pre any chn). It could be hormonal, I'm glad it's not just me who feels like this I guess. Is this your third terry? My DH will never throw it back at me, he fully committed to the idea before we tried. We discussed it at length.
I think it's just I knew that we'd end up with less money/room in house, that my job would be affected, that the chn would get less attention etc but I dismissed all that over the value of another child in our family. I can't see that value now, only the hard things. The telling people and being judged (ridiculous I know), the sleepless nights, my DC suffering as I'll be an even worse mum than now. And many other things. It's very confusing.

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willnotbetamed · 20/04/2015 07:05

Could also have written your post a few months ago! Am now 24 weeks with DC3, took us a long time to decide to go for it, and then I spent the first three months feeling like it had all been a mistake. I'm sure it's hormonal - it got better after the first 12 weeks, since then I've had very few wobbles and am looking forward to the new baby, as are DCs! Hang on in there.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 07:46

Exactly the same, it's my third.

I'm worried about the same things really, space work will I cope what have I done. It all seemed doable last month, until I god pregnant.

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 07:56

Totally terry, each problem I knew we'd get passed etc but when you think about it really, really happening it's suddenly not so easy. How far along are you? Glad you've turned a corner willnotbetamed I hope I do. I don't think I could actually go through with a termination again. Especially a planned pregnancy.

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TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 07:59

About 6 weeks. I didn't have these feelings with either of my other ones.. How about you?

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 08:05

About the same, have a dating scan today as my cycles were very irregular but I'm not much over 7/8 weeks I don't think. I didn't feel like this either, I guess because 2 was always the obvious number. 3 feels like we're pushing it for no reason :/

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TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 08:07

Yes I knew I would have two and it seemed something I had to do.

I really really wanted three for a long time but lately life has got so much easier and nicer and I feel like I have made a mistake.

Sorry I'm not sure I'm helping! I don't know if this is a common feeling.

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 08:15

It's helpful to know I'm not the only one, don't worry! Snap with life getting easier. DH was always adamant we'd only have 2 so that's what I knew we'd have. I asked him to seriously consider 3 and he was happy to go ahead. Maybe it's that I've blocked the idea of three for so long now I can't cope with the idea? Maybe it's the same for you?
I'm from a 3, so it seemed the obvious number to go for at one point. 2 just seemed so small and neat and i wanted a gang like I grew up in. But quiet and small is nice and easy...

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TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 09:55

Good luck with your scan, I think a large part of my bonkersness is that I don't feel remotely pregnant and only have slightly sore boobs so I'm not sure if it's even going well, and we've said we won't try again so it's a lot of weirdness to think about.

Hopefully seeing the scan will help you get your head around it..

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 12:45

I've had minimal symptoms this time compared to last 2 times, just insane hunger which could be greed more than anything! Just saw a flickering heartbeat and a little line - approx 6 weeks 4 days. 12 week scan booked. Feel slightly more accepting as there's obviously a baby growing. We were the same ie if this doesn't work out then that's it. Like another poster mentioned im also obsessed with defects and going for all the testing this time.

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TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 13:14

Ive booked a private scan, in a couple if weeks. Some days I'm convinced I'm not abs others I am which isn't helping.

How are you feeling now?

Hopefully this is our hormones, I hope it all calms down soon.

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 13:52

I think a scan is a good idea, at least you'll know what you're dealing with.
I feel so torn. I worry so much that this baby is going to take away opportunity from my current two. Not itself literally but another mouth to feed and house, holidays will be harder and less extravagant, parents time split again. I feel awful for doing that to them.
But I don't think that's reason enough to terminate, and I did see these reasons before I got pregnant. But they didn't seem a big deal then. I grew up in a 'poor' family, never went abroad, constantly scraping by for food etc my mum has made me very aware of how awful life was because she had 3. Am I doing that to my two? I really don't want that. But I love my siblings so much and value my relationship with both of them over any of that. They're the better parts of me, and I hoped to give my two that?
I'm confused mainly :/

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Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 13:56

Sorry - I'm like this depressive voice making you feel worse no doubt! So very hard to figure out how you feel about things like this though isn't it

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TerryTheGreenHorse · 20/04/2015 14:02

Same thing here, only I am also obsessed about them having to miss being taken places becasue I will have a baby or toddler to mind for the next four years.

I don't know, none of this stuff mattered before and I felt it was worth it?

I'm sure it will be lovely in years to come, but I'm worried mainly about money and my time like you are.

God it's tough, I sort of wish I could turn the clock back and have these realisations before we tried.

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 18:15

Just said similar to my DH as he's back from work. He thinks it's daft to be worrying about things that didn't appear to be an issue before. He also thinks I might be transferring how I feel about my childhood into our chn, which is probably true. He's also said I need to maintain the confidence I presented with prior to ttc about the awkward bits eg money/housing etc
He's right on all points I know. I know he is. But I just can't shake this feeling of doom!

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Duckdeamon · 20/04/2015 18:23

Bring pg can be very scary in any circumstances and dark thoughts can creep in, but it sounds like despite this you want to continue, so perhaps best to try to limit the worrying as best you can (I struggle with anxiety so know it's not easy!)

No-one can guarantee all will be well and that none of the worries will come to pass, but there are loads of very happy families with 3 DC and lots of advantages as well as challenges!

Your DH sounds caring and helpful, which bodes well!

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