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Tips for warding off bump botherers

(67 Posts)
Gemerama Mon 23-Mar-15 22:15:51

Wondering if anyone has any polite methods of stopping people from rubbing your belly?

So far it's only my mil that has done it (I'm only 8 weeks and so not many people know yet. At the moment she's just fondly rubbing my flab since there is no bump to speak of!). I want to politely stop her doing it and I certainly don't want colleagues or randoms feeling me up when I'm more visibly pregnant!

Any tricks?

hippymama1 Mon 23-Mar-15 22:49:01

If I'm feeling polite, I just say "don't do that please - I don't like it". Otherwise I do anything from karate chopping people to filthy looks to asking if they want me to grope them back. wink

carbolicsoaprocked Mon 23-Mar-15 22:51:41

At 30 weeks now and only had one friend tentatively pat my bump. Really didn't bother me. But if she persists perhaps just cross your arms over your bump if you think she's going to do it? Or mention in the passing some made-up random who keeps bothering your bump to let her know it's not something you appreciate?

MrsJacksonAvery Mon 23-Mar-15 22:51:56

"My boobs have got bigger too - do you want to touch them?"

Usually had the desired effect of getting people to back the fuck off.

sarkymare Tue 24-Mar-15 00:17:37

Would this do? grin

fattymcfatfat Tue 24-Mar-15 00:21:28

I have a hands off the bump t shirt grin
im on number 3 now though so everyone knows not to feckin touch me wink ( I found politeness doesn't always work and you have to be firm)

gingerfluffball Tue 24-Mar-15 00:45:32

My MIL does this too, drives me crazy! Now he's big enough to kick, I've been literally stepping away from her hand saying, 'he's asleep but don't worry, I'll tell you when he kicks.'

Gemerama Tue 24-Mar-15 06:11:11

Thanks all! Love the t shirt!

I just can't believe she's doing it already when there is no bump! Doesn't bode well. I like her but we are not close and my own mother wouldn't start touching my stomach!

Gemerama Tue 24-Mar-15 06:16:06

I remember it was so exciting to feel my friends baby kicking but she was about 8 months pregnant and invited me to have a feel so I think that's different!

hestialou Tue 24-Mar-15 06:18:59

Wouldn't mind close friends who ask first, but all other will be told no!

kittyvet Tue 24-Mar-15 06:38:13

Only got felt once without permission... Shop assistant in boots trying to sell me cosmetics. I felt violated- marched straight out of the shop! Wish I had had something prepared to say!!!

puddymuddles Tue 24-Mar-15 11:08:46

No one has tried to touch mine at all (28 weeks with DC3). I think they get more excited when it is your first. One lady did try to bend down and talk to the bump but that was just the once.

thechinaclogs Tue 24-Mar-15 11:31:28

Oh poor you Gemerama. I find bump touching weird even now at 29 weeks, but at 8 that is too much!
When it comes to in-laws, I mostly ask my partner to do the fending off. In the case of my MIL, who recently got herself a stethoscope so she could listen to my baby's heartbeatangry, I think it's important that he gets into the habit now, since she'll only get more full on after you've had the baby and it will be his job to tell her what's acceptable.
In terms of other people, it hasn't actually been as bad as I anticipated. I did have one woman leap on me at a party but I just told her really calmly that "most women aren't really comfortable with being touched like that" and she backed off without any drama, so I've used that a few times. The odd time I've also done this kind of comedy thing of shouting "STEP AWAY FROM THE BUMP" in a weirdy American voice, which has diffused the situation without any real bad feeling.

fatlazymummy Tue 24-Mar-15 11:34:21

I think you're just going to have to tell her straight, politely but firmly. Tell her you don't like being touched there, and would appreciate it if she wouldn't do it.
I just don't like being touched by people generally, not to mention my bump(s) used to feel a bit sore at times. Thankfully it only happened a couple of times (other than partner and my older children of course).

hippymama1 Tue 24-Mar-15 11:45:28

gemerama Just don't be afraid to be a little bit rude... My MIL as been asked by me and DH not to touch, or to ask before but she does it anyway, usually immediately after she has been asked not to. Some people are just like that. They don't deserve tact in response. wink Plus, you can always blame the pregnancy rage.

Teeste Tue 24-Mar-15 11:45:49

A few weeks ago, three members of my family felt my bump up all at once - it was mental! Plus he was asleep at the time, so my dad then 'tapped' my belly to wake him up and was swiftly 'tapped' in the belly himself by me. I also pointed out that what they were actually mainly lovingly stroking were my bowels.

I find it really hard to object to it when family do it, I know it comes from a good place and saying no feels so rude, but jeezy creezy I hate it so much.

Gemerama Tue 24-Mar-15 12:20:43

Mil is a nice person but she tries to force intimacy generally which I find uncomfortable. E.g she has been telling me she loves me since dh and I were together for a year. I find it so cringy and disingenuous (I mean I am fond of her, but love?? Really??) and now the belly stroking. I am not a touchy feel person and I have always hated my stomach being touched by anyone. Back off!!!

Momagain1 Tue 24-Mar-15 12:55:03

Gemerama: her son really is going to have to take this on, AND you may have to be quite rude at some point, including physically pushing her away.

But, as chinaclogs said, this will probably morph into some overly indulgent thing she does too much of with the grandchild(ren) that will need reigning in, so you both better get in practice.

It does beat a bitchy mil though. It really does. But there is love and there is needy and intrusive, she sounds the latter.

CheshireEditor Tue 24-Mar-15 13:20:53

Tell them you will slap them if they touch you! Puts people right off grin

Why people do this is utterly INSANE.

smearedinfood Tue 24-Mar-15 13:32:16

I usually step back when I see a hand coming, most people get it.

Jux Tue 24-Mar-15 13:48:50

Step back as you would for anyone. If you just react naturally it should be enough but you can add "please don't touch me" if you need to. At the moment she has forgotten that you are a separate person so you just beed to remind her.

If you need to do more than than then you have a problem.

Givemecaffeine21 Tue 24-Mar-15 13:51:02

I would just push her hand away briskly and say 'sorry it's a reflex, I hate having my stomach touched'. I absolutely hate having my legs touched, my knees especially, and if anyone does that friendly leg-grabby thing (which is weird anyway imho...there is no need to touch other people) I reflex hit them unintentionally. I hate being touched...but most people know that about me!

She sounds like an adoring MIL which is lovely, but it may be time to gently set boundaries around space....

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 24-Mar-15 14:47:48

I couldn't bear my tummy being touched in early pregnant, it made me feel sick. Maybe tell her if she does it again you will vom on her?

MerryMarigold Tue 24-Mar-15 15:04:14

I actually read this as 'bumper botherers' and was going to post about how BIL puts his brake on when someone is riding his bumper. I got very confused reading the OP!

Anyway, back to the OP, I'm one of those people who find it really hard to resist a good bump. Man, they are tempting. Since, MN I do restrain the urge (never realised it really offended people as I liked it myself).

MissTwister Tue 24-Mar-15 15:41:48

I am 21 weeks and this happened to me for for the first time the other day when a friend did it. I instinctive!y jumped back and looked shocked and it was all a bit awkward.

How can you like it when people just grab you!!!??? Its my body still....

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