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Does anyone else find all the attention totally cringey?

(70 Posts)
Choccyhobnob Mon 23-Mar-15 14:17:49

This probably makes me sound really ungrateful but since I found out I was pregnant 9 weeks ago (and DH told his parents literally the day I took the test angry ) I have just found myself totally embarrassed and cringing at how some people (mainly his family) are.

MIL cried which I found mortifying (think because me and my family aren't like that!!) and then we had an early scan at 8 weeks and we met his dad in the pub to show him the little picture and tell him it was ok and he then wanted to show all his mates and bought the whole pub a drink. I was just dying of embarrassment. It just feels like such a personal thing I didn't want the whole pub seeing my little bean.

Then I had to tell a couple of people at work when I was 7 weeks due to the kind of job I do and since then one woman has said I have a bump almost every day (I've only just got one now at 15 weeks) and got me a 'mum to be' card on mothers day. Again, I know it's really sweet but it just made me feel so uncomfortable!!

God reading this back I sound like such a cow, but does anyone else feel embarrassed and bit protective like this is a private thing and don't want people commenting? Especially in the early days. I think I just can't cope with people making a fuss like I'm the first woman on earth to ever have a baby...

Hotpotpie Mon 23-Mar-15 14:23:24

I hated the way everyone assumed it was ok to touch me last time, drove me nuts! This time I've been far more secretive, I'm just coming up for 11 weeks and pretty much no one knows

Lupin32 Mon 23-Mar-15 14:30:36

I'd definitely be embarrassed by the buying drinks for the whole pub! Can understand why you want to keep it more private especially in early days. People love to comment though so it will only get worse! I think I didn't mind last time but this time round I dread people commenting especially as it's always the same and usually about how big my bump is. It isn't, it's completely average angry

Gillian1980 Mon 23-Mar-15 14:32:22

The only thing I struggle with is people constantly asking how I'm feeling.
Do they want the honest answer: feeling crap every day, bowels alternating between diarrhea and constipation, crying at the drop of a hat etc etc.
or do they just want a polite "yeah, great thanks" even though I'm not.

I never really know what to say. Usually mumble "ok thanks, you know so-so, some days are easier than others".

NoPowerInTheVerseCanStopMe Mon 23-Mar-15 14:33:39

Oh god yes. Fortunately no one ever tried touching my bump but my in laws are very emotional, everything out in the open people. Nothing is private or personal. When we told them we were expecting MIL and SIL didn't just get a bit choked up, they were doing full on shaky snotty sobs. I'm delighted they were so happy but I just found it so bemusing and embarrassing. I also got constant questions from friends, family, work colleagues, vague acquaintances, about how I was finding pregnancy, what my birth plans were, comments on my size, how good I looked (despite severe nausea for my entire pregnancy). I know I'm really ungrateful!

Choccyhobnob Mon 23-Mar-15 14:43:42

I know it's because DH is an only child so this is PIL's first grandchild. Dh speaks to his mum and dad every day on the phone, I can go a month or so without speaking to either of mine so I know it feels normal for him but as one of 5 kids I'm not used to the constant attention!

Don't know if it might feel more acceptable when I'm further along so have an obvious bump. At first it just felt very like I was being celebrated for having working ovaries and having sex with my husband!! grin

Lupin32 Mon 23-Mar-15 14:46:21

NoPower lol at full on shaky snotty sobs! What are they going to be like when the baby actually arrives?!

GlitzAndGigglesx Mon 23-Mar-15 14:52:14

I'm in the same boat as Gillian. The same people ask at work everyday but are quick to tell me if I look unwell hmm. Tbh the bump touching doesn't bother me and it's quite nice to be told they're surprised I haven't put on loads of weight smile

Skeppers Mon 23-Mar-15 14:59:49

YES. YES. YES.

I got a 'from the Bump' Mother's Day card. I cringed so hard my butthole nearly came out of my nose. DH thought it was hilarious.

It's like people are expecting you to transform into some hippy-dippy, barefoot, Mother Earth type creation just because you managed to get knocked up. Two thumbs up!

Boak.

Choccyhobnob Mon 23-Mar-15 15:05:04

Haha skeppers ! My DH got me one as well from the bump which I didn't mind too much as it's fine between him and me but one from a woman at work?? Then DH stepfather turned up with a small white silk cushion with "Reserved for the mum to be" on it. That nearly sent me over the edge....

Snowflake15 Mon 23-Mar-15 15:14:50

Yes I find it so cringe!!! Especially when FIL asks, 'how are you feeling, are you feeling any changes?' I know he's only trying to be nice but as if I'm going to tell you about my achy boobs and swollen nipples! Thanks god I haven't told work yet, I like being able to just be normal for a while longer!

LadyGregory Mon 23-Mar-15 15:18:43

I think people take a lead from you and how you behave about the pregnancy. People were very, very, very surprised when we announced we were having a baby when we'd been together for aeons and had made no secret of being happily childfree - DS is also my parents' first, and likely to be their only, grandchild - and there was initially a lot of shrieking, disbelief, hysteria (literally, one of my sisters burst into into uncontrollable tears in the middle of a crowded restaurant).

But we deliberately didn't tell anyone until I was almost 17 weeks, so I was used to the idea by then, and was very casual and low-key about the pregnancy (which, luckily, was very straightforward and I felt well). I was as work-focussed as ever, I didn't scruple to tell people there were other topics of conversation etc and I generally promoted a 'business as usual' model.

I was privately delighted to be pregnant and adored every second, but it was a private thing for me, and I did make it plain I didn't need special behaviour or naff presents.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Mon 23-Mar-15 15:20:12

I hated the attention. Constant questions and people being more excited than me! Also really hated the touching.
Every fucker seems to have an opinion as well.
Sadly now my DD is born it's not changed.

Skeppers Mon 23-Mar-15 15:32:46

I remember the day that we told my mum; it was about 16 weeks into the pregnancy (I'd purposely delayed it for as long as possible). She lives some distance away so we were staying over for the night; as I gave her a hug to say goodnight she whispered in my ear "Goodnight, Mummy..."

I nearly puked on the spot. Awful, isn't it? I love my mum, but sadly, I am a victim of 'first grandchild' syndrome. My siblings all breathed an audible sign of relief when they heard the news because they knew exactly how my mum would react! I'm finding that my naturally sarcastic, antagonistic and obnoxious personality jars a little with this 'idealistic' view of pregnancy my mum suddenly seems to have developed! grin

mrsdos Mon 23-Mar-15 16:15:53

Is it wrong that I put off telling some family members because I knew their reaction would be over the top?

I am a very non touchy feely person and already my mil has started trying to touch my belly, have asked dh to have a word as the jabby fist nearly made an appearance!

NoPowerInTheVerseCanStopMe Mon 23-Mar-15 16:21:39

lupin the baby is here! And yes they were oversentimental cringeworthy nightmares then as well. MIL sent me a text saying "I believe everybody has one purpose in life and you've found yours, MUMMY" (boak). She kept on calling me mummy as well, which drive me crazy. Not referring to me as mummy when talking to the baby, that's fine but phoning me and saying "hello mummy". SIL was almost in hysterics when she held him for the first time. I was sat there in my hospital bed thinking "I'm the one who's just given birth, if anyone should be over emotional it's me!" Then she bitched about how mean the midwife was for kicking her out. Never mind that DS was struggling to feed and I needed to give him some skin on skin hand express for him, visiting had been over for half an hour and I'd been dropping lots of unsubtle hints about her leaving for the past hour!

Gemerama Mon 23-Mar-15 16:42:05

My Mil keeps touching my 'bump' which I hate. It is just gut to be fair as I'm only 8 weeks. Also she is touching somewhere around my rib cage. I'm scared to point out that on fact the baby is about 30 cm south of there lest she start patting my lady garden ;-)

batfish Mon 23-Mar-15 16:56:52

Yes I hate it! I just hate being centre of attention and even when others bring up the topic I feel like I'm going on about it and they all wish I'd shut up! Even when we've announced to people I've wanted to change the subject ASAP for fear of sounding self obsessed. I'm happy to talk about it all until the cows come home with hubby but anyone else and I just feel so self conscious!

Chillyegg Mon 23-Mar-15 16:59:47

Everyone has been good and not too fussy, yes my sil and mil cried. My mil thanked me ...which was er nice.
However what does my absolute head in is apparently I'm incapable of doing basic tasks. Ie hoovering or carrying my handbag or bending down....so my 67 year old mil insists on getting on her hands and knees and getting tins out. ...im 37 weeks pregnant not 3.

Feckeggblue Mon 23-Mar-15 17:00:39

I hated it too. It does seem
To ease off later in pregnancy

quesadillas Mon 23-Mar-15 17:02:23

I hate the attention too. Last time I told colleagues at 12 weeks and was convinced I was huge. I could have got away with it for several weeks longer. The only reason I'll be telling some friends this time is because we're all at a wedding when I'm 13 weeks.

I found that once people knew, there were constant questions and comments. All well-meaning, but I'm a very private person.

Fleurchamp Mon 23-Mar-15 18:40:54

YY to the above. My shape and size is critiqued on a daily basis by the women in my office.

Today I am looking much bigger than 23 weeks hmm apparently.

thechinaclogs Mon 23-Mar-15 20:10:51

Oh Fleurchamp I feel for you. The constant comments on body size and shape are awful - esp people telling you you're big/ small / whatever when in my case the midwife says I am bang on average! Even more ridic is people who insist they can discern the sex of the baby by body shape - I have even had someone say that I must be having a boy as my ass didn't look too fat. Like really, WTF is that about?
I am so glad to read that other women have actually delayed telling family members to avoid over the top reactions. I didn't several of mine until I'd begun to show at 22 weeks for this reason, so mrsdos don't feel bad. It's not wrong, it's just self protection! LadyGregory gives some great advice too!

RugBugs Mon 23-Mar-15 20:21:26

21 weeks with DC3 here and haven't told DPs family yet. He's bursting to because it's a first Grandson after 4 girls but I just don't like my health being discussed, especially with mean gossipy people.
Told my Dad last night and he said 'well done' errr thanks Dad!

JLcoffeetableIKEAshelves Mon 23-Mar-15 21:33:53

Yes to the touching thing. Thankfully only one person in my family does this, but it does make me feel really uncomfortable especially as we are not that close.
I've managed to avoid the whole baby shower thing though!! I could definitely not cope with that!

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