PUL & talking to work

[Wherearethewildthings]

Hi,

I'm just hoping for some advice. I had a BFP a week ago followed by spotting on Thursday. I've been referred to the EPU who gave me a transvaginal scan this morning and couldn't find anything despite the fact I should be ~6weeks. They've taken a beta HCG test to rule out a miscarriage and they've just called to say the pregnancy hormone is present (51) and want me back in 48 hours to check the levels again.

This will be the 3rd time in 5 days I've had to take time off work. We are a small agency with an HR department of one lady. What would you advise? Do I talk to HR or just try and get away with having another appointment.

Or do I talk to one of my directors - if this pregnancy doesn't go to plan (I'm prepared) they then know I'm TTC.

Thanks all for any advice - my heads in a spin. Am supposed to be writing a presentation for tomorrow morning and can't think straight..

wherearethewildthings
xx

[Zsazsabinks]

I don't know, if it were me I'd have a quiet word and explain what was going on. Just because it's a small company and I'm assuming reasonably friendly because of this?

Also, they won't know that you're TTC, all they need to know is that you are pregnant at the moment and have some complications that may need attention.

Good luck.

[skinnylegs33]

I wouldn't say anything yet, I'd rather take 1/2day off my holiday allowance.

Mainly because I will be worried that once they know I am pregnant, they will work out that I am trying to conceive and that will have a detrimental effect on my career progression within that company.

I had miscarried twice before and not said a word to work. It wasn't easy but I am sure that in my case, I did the right thing.

If you have to come here and ask for advice it probably means you have reasons to believe it will work against you?

Good luck with your pregnancy, hope all works out ok for you!

[Wherearethewildthings]

Thanks both

I think you're right skinnylegs33 - if i have to ask it probably means I'm concerned. The only problem is I have meetings booked so I really can't just ask for 1/2 day off without a really good reason.

Will keep pondering... I always thought getting pregnant would be a time of excitement and happiness - not the case so far :-/

[IWantDogger]

Sorry that you're going through this uncertainty, it's horrible.
Could you say to your work you have a gynecological problem?

[Zahrah5]

I would say I have health issues and need to attend couple of appts to get some tests etc done. I would not specify the health problem or health area which they pertain to.

[skinnylegs33]

Zahrah is right. I actually told them I had a gynae problem with one of my mc. My manager was quite nosy and asked what it was,etc (we are on "friendly" terms once in a moon when she feels like it) and I felt cornered so I just said that I had a cyst.

[skinnylegs33]

Sorry, I was meant to say both Zahrah and IWantDogger are right and giving you good advice

[m33r]

I wouldn't say anything and my work are amazing. Simply because if it takes you a long time to conceive (it did me) they may think twice about promotion... Not out of malice but it'll be in their heads. I hope everything goes ok for you

[Zsazsabinks]

Ahhh, so it isn't friendly because it's small. Say another cyst?

[Wherearethewildthings]

Thanks all - I think a cyst is a great idea (although obviously not actually!).

Really appreciate how responsive everyone has been - when things do go right, it reassures me that there is a good support network here.

Wishing you all well

x

[LIG1979]

Can I just put a different view. When I had a mc I had lots of time off for repeat scans etc. and when I was at work I was not in a good way emotionally. Telling work allowed them to at least understand why my performance was not its best and had lots of time working from home for hosp appointments and finaly for an erpc. luckily my work did not hold it against me and got a promotion a few months after. (But I do not know your work place and it may be very different.)

[LIG1979]

forgot to say sorry you are going through all this. It is a bit rubbish isn't it?

[Wherearethewildthings]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I woke up this morning with 'period' bleeding so pretty sure it's a miscarriage. I had a client meeting so decided honesty was the best way forward with my direct boss. She was brilliant and told me not to come in and knows I need tomorrow off for tests at the EPU.

Will have to deal with the 'how this impacts' my career down the line but in all honesty, I'd take a baby over a promotion any day!

[sianihedgehog]

I told my work when I had a miscarriage and they were absolutely lovely. They've been slightly more eager to make sure other people in the team know how to do my tasks since, but honestly that's been good.