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How stroppy am i allowed to be?

(12 Posts)
theaveragebear1983 Tue 03-Feb-15 11:26:56

Just found out I'm pregnant with my third child and had minor disagreement with DH last night about my throwaway comment 'there's no way I'm letting those doctors anywhere near me this time around, I'm going to stand my ground'. This has resulted in him telling me that I have to do as I'm told and can't be 'stroppy'. so, how stroppy AM I allowed to be?
here's the facts (and I am making comparisons to my pregnancy with my son here):
1. was told at 12 week scan that I was 13.5 weeks, which was impossible, so for entire pregnancy I was given the wrong dates and was actually just having a big baby. This wrong date had implications throughout and I wish I'd insisted that they put it right
2. was put on gestational diabetes watch, was told at 20 weeks that I'd be induced at 40 weeks (or 39 if they took my accurate dates) so had whole pregnancy worried about this. this was even though my GTT was ok and had no sugars in in urine etc
3. was put on 0.5 ml insulin at 36 weeks which meant I was then induced at 38 weeks (37 weeks according to my dates).
4. intrusive induction process (ie 2 sweeps, ineffective; 2 pessaries (ineffective) 4 days in hospital, attempt to break waters which they couldn't do because baby wasn't engaged, finally had C-section.
5. baby born healthy, not overweight etc - but because of being born at 37 weeks had no end of issues in the early days

am I being stroppy to not want this again, or should I stand up for myself a bit more and contest these things? how stroppy am I allowed to be??

GoooRooo Tue 03-Feb-15 11:28:54

I think you have every right to stick up for yourself.

I am fully intending to tell midwives they must NOT do internal examinations unless absolutely vital as I find them excruciatingly painful. I wish I'd had more backbone last time.

schopenhauer Tue 03-Feb-15 11:30:02

It's your body and you don't have to agree to things like sweeps and inductions. Don't be bullied in to it. It's not being stroppy. Obviously you should take note of what hcps say but you should have the final say imo. Your DH sounds a bit uncaring!

theaveragebear1983 Tue 03-Feb-15 11:35:42

he's not uncaring, he has just been brought up to believe that someone in 'uniform' must be obeyed at all times (ie. doctors, nurses etc) plus I don't think he really appreciates what the later months of my last pregnancy were like for me, culminating in a team of student midwives attempting to break my waters like I was some sort of unfortunate animal. I think his attitude is that if the doctor says you should then its rude not to do it.

Number3cometome Tue 03-Feb-15 11:41:43

You sound like me, I feel like I am reading about myself (minus the insulin parts)

I was told at my 8 week scan my dates were correct, I have PCOS and I full well know when I ovulated, as it is such a rare occurrence!! I was temping and got the EWCW the day I knew I was ovulating.
12 week scan they put me forward and said I was 13.5.
I am 100% sure it is just a big baby, as were my other two.

DS was born on due date weighing 9lb, I was sure of dates then.

With DD she was born at 38 weeks, I was adamant it was 37, she was 8lb 2oz.

I'm 16+3 and I did throw a strop about the diabetes testing, although have agreed to it now and have an appointment in April for it.

I do feel like I wish all these growth charts etc weren't being forced on me, but I will just go along, tick the boxes and then say f*ck you in my head haha.

Try not to get moody with DH, my OH is a new partner and he is worrying about me. I do keep telling him I am a pro smile

LinzAJ Tue 03-Feb-15 11:55:46

I wouldn't say you were being stroppy I would say you know your body and how you 'make' your babies so stick to your guns!

I have had to have some stern conversations about the fact that my pregnancy has been fine even though I have a higher BMI. Its almost like they think I am lying when I say I have no issues and am not having an issues all.

Good luck with the pregnancy and I hope the people looking after you will listen to you this time round.


theaveragebear1983 Tue 03-Feb-15 14:38:17

I don't actually have a high BMI, but in my first pregnancy I ate nothing but swizzels sweets and ice-cream so did end up having traces of sugars (unsurprisingly!). 2nd pregnancy 8 years later I was automatically put on the diabetes clinic, and once you're on their books it seems virtually inevitable that you will end up on medication and being induced. I was even told by the nurse at 23 weeks that I would end up on medication for diabetes and would be induced at 38 weeks. they handle this in such a matter of fact way, and you feel like you're a bad parent if you contest it. I think my husband (big brute of a man that he is, hah) thinks this womanly 'its my body' malarkey is just a bit too feminist and bohemian for his liking, so would prefer for me not to make a scene in the doctors office and just go along with what they suggest.

PurpleStripedSock Tue 03-Feb-15 14:45:48

Hmm well the 'good' news is that as you've had a Csection, they won't induce this time so it should come down to your choice of VBAC or elective section. Of course, the VBAC could still land in emc but still your choice.

You really can have a lot of say in what you'd like to happen and it's not about being stroppy. Your DH is probably worried about you and your baby (as are you) but push back where you feel necessary with the health team.

p.s. congratulations :-)

theaveragebear1983 Tue 03-Feb-15 14:51:11

ok, didn't know that- how come they won't induce after a C-section?

PumpkinWrappings Tue 03-Feb-15 15:06:16

Oh poor you!
I'm due any day with my second, my birth plan literally says "I do not want to to touched or interfered with unless absolutely necessary" which I am STILL being questioned about!

Number3cometome Tue 03-Feb-15 15:12:01

Risk of rupturing the uterus.

I have had 2 c-sections and planned for the 3rd.
I saw the consultant yesterday and made clear I am not even discussing VBAC, which he totally agreed and understood with considering my history.

Pico2 Tue 03-Feb-15 15:15:09

I wonder how evidence based it all is. I just has DD2 at 38+5 by ELCS. She was 9lb 12 oz, but no one was expecting her to be big. If I hadn't needed the ELCS for other reasons, she could have ended up massive, particularly if she was as late as DD1.

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