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Who visited you in hospital after birth?(150 Posts)
I am pregnant with my first baby and was wondering how soon after the birth did you feel like receiving visitors and who visited you in hospital? This thread is the result of an over enthusiastic mother in law who needs her expectations managed.
After my first baby DM and DF did visit in hospital but I was actually v keen to see them... weird emotional thing I think! However they live nearby and just popped in for 30 min or so. Whereas MIL lives a 2hr drive away and was also at work so she came at the weekend once we were home.
Nobody in hospital, MIL came up the day after. Not my choice, but hey ho. I would have preferred more time with just the three of us.
My dh and my parents.
Mil came to the house once I was home. If you're in a shared ward the other women will have visitors at visiting hours so you can't "rest" then anyway. Might as well have visitors of your own
I thought I wouldn't want any visitors, but actually, after a fairly traumatic labour I wanted to see people and have a bit of normality. I didn't feel very well, but both sets of grandparents came to visit in hospital and I was glad to see them. I get on ok with my PILs though.
And as musemum says, you'll probably have to put up with everybody else's
intensely annoying and inconsiderate visitors so you may as well have your own
I had an extremely traumatic birth with first child and she wasn't very well, so had to stay in hospital for 6 days. I think we had our first visitors when she was 3 days old - dh's Mum and Dad. They stayed with him at our house for a night or two. Then my mum and brother came the next day. Then my dad, step mother and two step brothers came the day after that. And in between we had a visit from some good friends who lived very local to the hospital. 10 visitors in all. I was grateful for the company, tbh! But would have hated them to come on day 1 or 2.
I was visited by a department of about 6 staff as I had a regular arrangement working at the hospital some days. About 4 hours after I had given birth.
DH and my Dmum - but she was visiting to help us move house. Baby arrived early so she was around to visit. If not for that, would have been only DH.
Mil had a holiday booked over my due date and was looking into flights home early "in case baby arrived". Don't know if dh said something to her or not but in the event she didn't turn up until PFB was 10 days old.
Did have various friends pop in once we were home which was fine but even having dmum staying was a bit much for me - I am quite private though.
Me and oh have agreed that our parents/siblings could visit at hospital (figured they have strict visiting times and it would be easier to get them to leave rather than being at home).
Then we've said we want some time alone until we feel ready for further visits. This has been communicated to both sides.
DS born Friday night at 9 pm and we were discharged 3pm ish on the Sunday. We didn't have any visitors (other than dh). We hoped to go home the day before and we were adjusting to our new arrival.
Both grandparents came within 48 hrs of being home though which I liked. my mum and dmil are the only other people who DH and I can
ramble talk at length to about DS and everyone of his amazing qualities .
I think the time in hospital is best kept private as you might not be fully dressed, trying to get feeding sorted, you are recovering from the birth, it's not particularly relaxing environment etc. best to have them at home.
I think The key with visitors is not too many at once and only short visits. If you have a potentially overexcited mil, can your dh be in charge of ushering her out at a pre agreed signal? Also only visitors that don't expect "hosting" and can be self sufficient. Everyone else can wait.
DH and no one else first time around. Only in for two nights (should have been one) and nearest family 250 miles away.
Second time MIL, FIL and DS who they were looking after. Again two nights but should have been one (CS).
Don't live near where we work so no visitors at home either. Judging from mn this is somewhat exceptional but from most of the threads I'm very grateful !
I had no one as we'd just moved to the area and my parents lived 5 hours away & DP's 4 hours away and were all working. I was on a ward of six all of whose had umpteen visitors with balloons, flowers etc and felt really left out, especially as DP wasn't around much on the first day having been up for the two nights I was in labour.
My DM & DF, my SIL, a couple of friends, and my neighbours who were expecting twins any day.
Too many people actually, I was exhausted and only really wanted DH there. I remember lying back on my pillows with my eyes closed, wishing they'd take the hint & go away!
When I got home I had DM & DF staying, then we had visits from DH's family & everyone we knew seemed to think they could just pop in.
We were a lot stricter next time round. I wasn't in hospital long enough for visitors, we didn't have anyone staying at our house and we limited visitors.
The mums were waiting at the door at 7am (she was born at 4Am) I wanted them to come ASAP as I just wanted to see my mum , his mum aswell but you know how it is with your own mum. Took her home and the grandads NAns uncles and aunts , next day all other immediate family. That's how I wanted it, my family were respectful and helpful and backed off when they knew I wanted them to, even MIL, who morphed into an interfering grandparent a few weeks later , u can't win them all.
Haha I have just started a thread about how to discourage visitors.Depends entirely on you.I did not like having visitors in the hospital with my first,I hadn't worked out how to breastfeed without pretty much taking my top off,I had stitches,haemorrhoids and in general felt like a wreck and didn't want to see anyone.You may feel amazing and want to show off your baby straight away,it's probably best to try and minimise expectations so you give yourself options.
We were in hospital for 5 days with DC1. We were visited by: my mum (day 1), my brothers & my dad (day 2), & I can't remember when but also my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, best friend, 3 of DH's best friends.
I went home the same day (after a very long labour) and all the in-laws came over and ordered pizza! I just wanted to be with my baby and maybe sleep! Didn't know how to kick them out!
Well I felt like shit but wouldn't ever try to keep my Mum and sisters away. I was glad they wanted to come and see the baby.
The world and his wife visited me! I actually didn't mind though, nobody stayed longer than 20 mins or so and I ended up being in mother and baby unit for 5 days, so was glad of the company!
DS1 - dh, my parents, dh's mother and sister
DS2 - dh, my parents, ds1
DD - dh, my parents, ds1, ds2 (possibly dh's mother - I can't quite remember)
DS3 - dh, ds1, ds2, dd, my father.
TBH, having visitors in hospital is much easier than having them at home. You don't really have to do anything other than talk to them and show them the baby and I was quite lonely and bored in hospital and welcomed any visit. Having visitors at home was a lot more stressful, both for me and the baby.
My parents, db, Dsis, Dbil and dneices other dsis and Dbil. 2 friends. Then dh's (adult) nephews all came.
I was really happy to show off ds though
Also had loads of visitors when home and loved it (only helpful ones).
Nobody in hospital.
With first baby we didn't want anyone for a couple of days. With later ones it was quicker. With DS my parents came up the same day. It was a home birth - I wouldn't have wanted them at the hospital if I'd had to transfer with a more difficult birth.
Dh and DM were with me when ds arrived. Just dh when dd arrived as dm was looking after ds at home.
With ds my boss was first to visit in hospital as we wroked there. For both of dc, Rest of family visited over next few days, dfiil, my stepfather, our brothers and their families. Along with our friends, their dc etc, lots of people but suited me!
We do tend to live that way anyway.
DS born at 8am, my parents visited at 3pm, in laws at 5pm.
Next day both sets of parents again plus my sister and BIL.
Next day BIL.
DH there every minute he was allowed.
Dd was born at 4 in the morning. Both sets of parents were waiting like race horses in the starting gates. Dp fired the starting gun at about 8 in the morning, my mum was there by 10, and DP's parents by about 3 in the afternoon. I couldn't wait to show off the the most extraordinary baby that had ever been born, and be told that I was the cleverest woman in the world!
The same with ds- but I was home after a couple of hours, so we had the same sort of arrival times. Once again, so lovely to show off baby, be given presents and be told I was a genius............ And for dd to have her grandparents telling her what an amazing big sister she was......
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