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Pregnancy

Husband believes he would have been better at giving birth

112 replies

Quillstar · 16/01/2015 21:37

My husband really annoys me by being critical of how I gave birth. We just had baby number 3 and she was induced. It took a couple of days to get going and admittedly I was a bad patient by the end but he keeps telling me I wasn't pushing properly in two of the births and that being mad with nurses / doctors was crazy and if it was him he would have been more cooperative. I'm not proud of my labour skills but to be honest I got the babies out safely and I may have to resort to violence if he doesn't give up criticising me. Maybe he thinks he is being funny but it is really hitting my self esteem. As if he would know what labour bloody feels like and after one completely natural birth I know the real thing is not half as bad as being induced for me. How can I toughen up on this subject?

OP posts:

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AuntieStella · 16/01/2015 21:40

'Toughen up' by getting really angry, and tell him exactly what a pompous arse he's being.

I hope this is just one-off foot-in-mouth. And that he'll realise how utterly ridiculous he's been.

TheSpottedZebra · 16/01/2015 21:40

You don't need to toughen up. He needs to shut the fuck up.

Pico2 · 16/01/2015 21:40

I don't think it's for you to toughen up. What he has said is really out of order.

I'd start with pointing out that you would have been much better at supporting a labouring woman/new mother.

Goingintohibernation · 16/01/2015 21:41

Er, he does know he is a man, and therefore completely incapable of childbirth doesn't he?? This really is not an argument that is worth having. There is no right or wrong way to give birth!

CountingThePennies · 16/01/2015 21:41

I had a horrendous time in labour after an induction and after 22 hours of awful labour i had a c section.

I would be very very very upset if someone told me i didnt do it right, and im not a sensitive person at all.

In fact i feel quite annoyed on your behalf

Teeste · 16/01/2015 21:42

Well, I haven't given birth yet, but I imagine punching him repeatedly in the testicles for three days and then asking him how cooperative he feels might bring the point home to him.

Idontseeanysontarans · 16/01/2015 21:43

I'd just shut him down to be honest. Tell him he is hurting you and walk away. Keep doing that until he is either willing to actually listen to you properly or drops it.

VikingLady · 16/01/2015 21:43

Get a baby-head sized butt plug and insert it for him?

Seriously, he deserves it.

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 16/01/2015 21:46

My partner would no longer be living if he said anything like that. Your husband is an arse, please tell him so.....repeatedly!

DropYourSword · 16/01/2015 21:49

He honestly should shut the fuck up. There's no 'right' way to do labour, it's different for every woman, every time. How very brave of him to state how perfect he would be at it while safe in the knowledge he'll never have to. I'd make him swallow a whole watermelon and shit it out. Only if and when he does it cooperatively and doesn't get mad would I concede he may have a point.

Make him a special chocolate cake. With laxatives in. Because he's full of shit.

TheWhiteRoad · 16/01/2015 21:51

You don't need to toughen up. He could definitely do with being less of a twat though.

JoanHickson · 16/01/2015 21:54

Is he like this all the time? What an odd thing for a Man to be obsessed and judgemental about. Has he been speaking to some perfect earth Mother at work?

LordJabuJabu · 16/01/2015 21:55

What Pico said.
He's being a massive pillock.

Induced birth (esp when baby isn't ready) is bloody awful...hope you're feeling ok about the birth aside from him?

Idontseeanysontarans · 16/01/2015 21:59

If you really want to shame him maybe mention (in front of him) you are feeling a bit low because of the criticism you've been getting to the HV? It might sound a bit much but I really would do this - he is deliberately belittling you at a very vulnerable time when he should be supporting you - and frankly being in absolute awe of you for dealing with days of labour and delivering a baby at the end of it.

expatinscotland · 16/01/2015 22:00

What a fucking nobber. I'd tell him to go fuck himself every time he said that.

chestnut100 · 16/01/2015 22:03

My now ex husband told people I was "fucking embarrassing" whilst giving birth. Truly ended our marriage. It hurt me to my core and never went away, no matter how much he said it was a joke

martymcfry · 16/01/2015 22:03

How the fuck can he possibly know he'd be a better patient ? Labour is the most all consuming painful thing I've ever been through (twice). However you did it, you did it. Well done you for three times.
I'd rip his head off!!!!

Romeyroo · 16/01/2015 22:06

Oh my God, that is AWFUL! I have had two induced labours, the second my baby was over 10lb with a head circumference off the centile chart almost. The midwife was telling me I wasn't pushing right, I was yelling at her to tell me how to bloody well push right then!! fortunately there was then a shift change (midwife #2 delivered the baby in less than ten minutes thereafter). Honestly, I know how angry I felt with that midwife, I bet she had never given birth. I would hate to be told it by my supposed DH.

Elledouble · 16/01/2015 22:09

I think something like this m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw5ayibQ-E0 is in order.

zzzzz · 16/01/2015 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyBlueTrees · 16/01/2015 22:10

You need to point and laugh everytime he does this.

I'm not one for arguing in public but quite frankly I'd be tempted to briefly post on Facebook 'my husband think he'd have been better at giving birth to our 3 babies'

Then wait for everyone you know, including his mother, to start pointing and laughing too..,

puddymuddles · 16/01/2015 22:10

I have had one natural labour and one induction and induction much more painful!! Perhaps your husband thinks he is being funny but he isn't! Anyway why does it matter now you have got the babies out now and he will never be able to prove his point as never be able to give birth!!

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wasabipeanut · 16/01/2015 22:12

Ok, after a really sad thread earlier I'm having a very anti men day. You do not need to toughen up OP. He needs to stop being such a bully. He knows damn well that he can never be tested on this issue so he's deliberately belittling you. Why?

The only acceptable response from a man after you have birthed his baby - whatever the exit route happens to be - is "you are a goddess and I will love you forever ." Or some variation thereof.

Mehitabel6 · 16/01/2015 22:12

I would just smile, nod and ignore. (In a superior way).

Gunpowder · 16/01/2015 22:13

I went to a birth talk by a (male) obstetrician last time I was pregnant. He said if men gave birth instead of women there would be a hell of a lot more research into (and funds allocated to) different types of effective pain relief.

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