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Midwife almost made me cry

(14 Posts)
Newyearsunresolutions Thu 15-Jan-15 11:32:27

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive, I probably am.

I went for my booking in appointment today. I had a miscarriage back in the summer and I asked if I'd be able to get an early scan because I was worried sick about the same thing happening again.

The midwife said no, and that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage and even if I have a scan next week there's nothing to say that everything would be ok at the 12 week scan.

I know that's true but I think she could have been a bit more reassuring in her comments.

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 15-Jan-15 11:35:29

Well she may be correct in her stats, but she sounds pretty insensitive sad.

Newyearsunresolutions Thu 15-Jan-15 11:37:23

There was no reassurance at all from her, just what she said.

EssexMummy123 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:40:02

You can get a private scan for £60-£100, the NHS will usually only do 12 and 20 weeks unless there is a medical need to do another.

Not sure how you can avoid the insensitive midwife - do one-one operate in your area? Essex and some areas in the North.

Swanny84 Thu 15-Jan-15 11:40:43

I had an early scan and the sonographer said the same to me, all looked healthy but she couldn't say if pregnancy would continue. Now 12+3, still paranoid despite seeing baby twice. I've booked a private reassurance scan for 4 weeks time

RhinestoneCowgirl Thu 15-Jan-15 11:40:56

A friend of mine had a miscarriage between DC 1 and 2 and I know she found it very hard to relax with her third pg. A little compassion goes a long way.

I hope this pg goes smoothly for you.

Newyearsunresolutions Thu 15-Jan-15 11:43:52

She was covering for the other midwife so hopefully I won't see her again.

BotBotticelli Thu 15-Jan-15 11:47:16

It's common policy not to offer early scans for reassurance on the NHS unless you have had 3 previous MCs.

However she sounds like an insensitive cow and she could have been more gentle with you.

If you google "early pregnancy scan <insert name of town where you live>" you will probably find a fair few private clinics who will do a scan between 7-12 weeks for between £75 and £100 depending on where you live in the Uk.

I live in London and did this at 8 weeks this time on Harley st for £99. They used the dildo-cam (!) so I could see the foetus more clearly and they even played the audio of the heartbeat out loud in the room which made me cry!

Worth the money if you can afford it. Unfortunately not available on te cash strapped NHS :-(

Rumplestrumpet Thu 15-Jan-15 11:49:46

Outrageous that she should have been so insensitive ! And actually her stats don't sound right to me - up to 1 in 4 or 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, but many of these happen before you'd even know about the pregnancy, and the vas-y majority are in the first few weeks. A scan showing a heartbeat at eg. 8 weeks would tell you that you only have a 2% chance of miscarriage. I was lucky enough to have such a scan and it was a huge weight off my shoulders - if you can afford to do it privately it could be worth the peace of mind.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy - the stats are in your favour, so try to relax if you can.

leanne963 Thu 15-Jan-15 12:02:18

I was in the same boat as you back in September and having a previous MC really scares you!! I had to have a private scan or three before my 12 week NHS scan because I was so paranoid. Unfortunately I would be reassured for about a day, then I would start to worry again as I also suffered from spotting. But I don't think I could have got through those long first couple of months without the scans. Now I am 21w4d and I am so grateful I am at this stage! A healthy pregnancy can happen after a MC so please have some encouragement that things will be ok! There are lots of women on these threads that will have empathy for your situation and also tell you that they have had a healthy pregnancy following a loss too! I wish you all the best smile

Newyearsunresolutions Thu 15-Jan-15 13:59:24

Thank you everyone.

sweetkitty Thu 15-Jan-15 14:02:31

I had a mc between DD2 & 3, they told me at my mc last scan that if I got pregnant again just to self refer for a reassurance scan at 8 weeks, I did it twice with DD3 & DS

rebeal78 Thu 15-Jan-15 14:16:09

I had my first meeting with new midwife yesterday and also found her to be very negative, cold and unsupportive. It's my 5th pregnancy, 3 previous miscarriages n 1 beautiful girl 2 date. I have already had hemmorhaging in this pregnancy at 7wks, currently 10wks 1 day (still spotting). I felt like the midwife I saw yesterday didn't even bother to book me in until it could be confirmed I was still carrying a viable pregnancy, no point in her wasting paperwork, which I found really negative.
Luckily I had an appointment with consultant 2dy and scan showed everything healthy so far. But while I was there asked about changing midwife and luckily it's been sorted so that I am back with my old lovely midwife who knew of my history. She rang me within half an hour and I see her next week ��.

rosedavo Thu 15-Jan-15 20:31:38

I have a horrible midwive who made some nasty comments to me, im planning on asking for a different one or going to the hospital rather than my docs for my midwive appointments so I can see someone different

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