friendly advice

[lonelyandlost1]

Hi I'd like some advice from some friendly mums/mums to be. My partner is pregnant with our child and im doing my best to support her through it, however we live in separate counties still (hopefully changing that) my problem is I enjoy the evenings where we can text eachother and feel like we are together but she falls asleep so early around 6pm. I understand she's doing alot to make our baby and will be tired. I'm just after some friendly advice as to how else I can try and cope with this. Please no angry "men are idiots/ men don't understand" comments. I seriously want to be better at dealing with it I am just struggling alot. Hope this helps me.

[Meplusyouequals4]

How far along is she?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

You're struggling because she falls asleep early? What advice do you want? Get a hobby. Watch a movie. See friends. Get some self reliance! Do you really not know how to entertain yourself?

[lonelyandlost1]

She is 15 weeks. I have hobbies yes and im sorry that I like to talk to my partner.

[museumum]

Sorry. It's just how it is. She might get more energy after 20weeks (I did) and as she gets more obviously pregnant people may help her out more but the first trimester is utterly utterly exhausting. If you lived together she would still go to bed pretty much straight after work. You just need to read some good books and let her know you're sympathetic.

[Allstoppedup]

She will just be exhausted. You really can't help the symptoms you have when pregnant and it does take it out of you! You may find you have a lot less time for each other when the baby arrives! Consider it practice!

On a serious note though, offer any practical assistance you can. If you miss communication why not write longish emails that she can reply to when she has time/feels more energetic- or go really retro and go for letters!

It can be tough on both sides when pregnancy changes a relationship dynamic. Just keep reminding yourself how much work her body is doing and use the time differently. Perhaps read up on parenting/childbirth or get a hobby you enjoy .

[lonelyandlost1]

Thankyou museumum. I try to be sympathetic just get frustrated by it. I know she would still fall asleep early here and she does sometimes get tired early but never until 8 or 9 when she's here. Sorry if I've sounded insensitive to anyone.

[lonelyandlost1]

Thankyou aswell allstoppedup. I have hobbies and I suppose it doesn't help that I'm injured and can't carry on with them. I will take on board what you've said and will try harder.

[museumum]

There's a good book called something like "your pregnancy day by day" which has all the biology of what's going on. You might find it interesting and help you connect with the pregnancy while you can't be with her.
For example, her body will have 50% more blood volume by the end. Think how hard her heart and lungs have to work just to pump that round her body! It also shows pictures of the baby in the womb at different stages and lots of info.

[lonelyandlost1]

Very helpful museumum thankyou I have downloaded an app with all that information and I am a bit of a geek for interesting facts like that. Thankyou :)

[rascalrae]

I think it's really nice that you've asked and whilst it's your partner that is dealing with all the physical stuff, pregnancy affects both people in the relationship. Can you keep in touch in the daytime? Some quick WhatsApp messages or something? I guess you just have to be patient, make the most of weekends or conversations in the morning. Must be tough for you both being apart.

[NurseP]

I think letters or emaill is a great idea and gives you something to look over while she snoozes. Are you planning to move closer? Perhaps you could try and busy /distract yourself with that? It's a stressful time with lots of changes for both of you so I think you feeling a little low about having less contact with your partner is understandable and normal. I think it's important to be honest and let her know that you miss your evening chats, I'm sure she does too. I think the book idea to keep yourself informed would help you to feel directly involved too as the distance must be hard. Hope all goes well.

[SueV14]

I can recommend this book by Rob Kemp (see picture). It may not go into very deep detail of the pregancy week by week but it gives a very good idea and it is hilarious as well! My husband bought it when we conceived for the first time (which turned out to be an ectopic), so he stopped reading it back then. Now it is back on the bedside table and I actually love reading it too cause it's so funny and uplifting! You could read it to distract yourself once she is off to bed.

And for a more in depth pregnancy reading I recommend "What to expect when you're expecting", 4th edition, by Heidi Murkoff. Very informative and useful.

[lonelyandlost1]

Thankyou everybody for your words it's helped a bit will look into the books. I'm liking the letters idea :) will write her one. I like the old fashioned ideas.

[Naomip88]

Oh you sound like a lovely chap and I think it's nice that you miss talking to your partner. I'm sure she will start to have more energy in the next few weeks . If I were you I would take this time to do anything you can to prepare for the arrival of your little one ( read baby books, research things you both might need for the baby , find out about local antenatal classes/ hypno birthing). It'll keep you keep busy , your partner will appreciate it and it means when get closer to the birth when you hopefully live closer you can have quality time together because you've done all the preparation already.

[carbolicsoaprocked]

I think it's so nice that you are coming on here to ask. I agree with pp, I was completely knackered during first trimester but have more energy to enjoy the 2nd with my husband. I LOVE the letter idea! How about using this time to research things like pushchairs/car seats/nursery furniture/supporting your partner in labour or in breastfeeding? Or thinking about baby names? Or if you're like me, planning your baby's library So much fun to be had! Congratulations too by the way, and good luck.

[Swanny84]

My partner works away and were the same. Used to text non stop and now I'm asleep by 8 most nights, you sound lovely, I'm sure she is exhausted, I know I am. My partner told me he misses our texts and I have tried to make more of an effort, if I wake through night I'll text him etc and sometimes I wake to lots of lovely messages.
Tell her you love her and understand she's shattered but that you miss her. to be fair she won't be exhausted forever but you don't want to get into routine where you's don't communicate.
Make an extra effort through day, tell her to put phone on silent so you can still text her through night when you want. I think I'll buy my partner a book too. Hopefully will all work out well