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DP going on a stag weekend when I'll be 38w

(32 Posts)
Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 13:51:13

Yes. You read that correctly.

My DS came at 37 weeks as well, so kind of expecting this one to make an early appearance too.

He will be 6 hours away, so if I do go into labour when he's away he will most likely miss the birth.

Is it bad that I'm not actually annoyed? When I was in labour with DS (who has a different father) I felt like I just wanted to be left alone, like when an animal hides in a room to give birth. I'm planning a home birth this time and can just imagine him getting on my nerves (distracting me when I'm contracting, lurking, playing on his phone, just being him, ect) and I quite like the idea of just being on my own to deal with it until the midwife comes for the delivery. None of his flapping about, getting in a state, getting on my nerves ect.

My parents live on the road next to me, so if there was ever a need to rush to hospital they could always drive me anyway.

I've got no interest in finding an emergency birth partner for this particular weekend, and just think that if he misses the birth, that's on him... I can't tell him what he can and can't do and I can't particularly plead my case to have him there when I don't particularly want him there...

Sorry mr cake... I do really love you. You're just very very annoying.

Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 13:53:36

Sorry should add... He's absolutely convinced that this baby will come late... Because he came late. Ive pointed out that DS was early, despite his dad being born late.

Oh, men.

BathtimeFunkster Wed 07-Jan-15 13:54:42

I think I's be a bit concerned about a man who would be prepared to go away under the circumstances.

But if he's that annoying...

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 07-Jan-15 13:55:15

6 hrs away is a long time. especially if he's drunk when you call him. and won't be fit to make the journey.

on the other hand you could go two weeks over.

I'd say it depends on how his mood would be if he stayed. If you think he'd be miserable and make you want to stab him then.let him. get on with it.

but this far on of have preferred my dp to.not take the risk of going as first time labours aren't always long. Dd took two.hours.

BathtimeFunkster Wed 07-Jan-15 13:55:55

Oh yeah, I see what you mean.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Jan-15 13:56:54

He's convinced he wants to go on the stag do.

ViolettaBridgettettette Wed 07-Jan-15 14:01:39

It's very sad and worrying he's chosen to prioritise a friends stag do above his own child's birth. He have a rerun of the stag do at an earlier or later date. The same can't be said for his sons birth.

Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 14:02:49

I think in his head, he thinks that the baby won't arrive for another 2-4 weeks and he will be in the country so it's a safe bet.

I think if I were to object to him going, He wouldn't go. But I haven't because I remember just how primitive I felt when I was in labour the first time around...

I was actually on the verge of giving him a list of rules like .... Do not speak to me unless spoken to, do not burst into the room I'm in unless I ask, do not touch me unless I ask, do not turn any lights on unless I ask, do not DARE sit and watch videos on your phone ESPECIALLY with the sound on and NO LURKING AWKWARDLY ect... Just to show how serious I feel about being left to it!

He's always very bad at blood, can't handle needles (even though he's covered in tattoos), extremely squeamish, and a complete wuss.

I kind of like the idea of just being left to it, and having some one on one bonding time with the bubba after it's born without having to share!

ViolettaBridgettettette Wed 07-Jan-15 14:03:49

I think its rather selfish/immature of him to want to be pissing it up with his mates rather then supporting his partner through something very special and intense and unique.

ViolettaBridgettettette Wed 07-Jan-15 14:06:01

I know you didn't need the support last time but what of you do this time?

I'd probably tell him that it up to him if he goes or not but that he must know there is a very good chance he might miss the birth because you were early last time.

ViolettaBridgettettette Wed 07-Jan-15 14:06:48

Or get him to ring the midwife and quiz her

Schweetheart Wed 07-Jan-15 14:12:20

I think you go into your own world anyway.

With both of my home births I didn't really know or care what anyone else was up to around me. DH's job was to sort the pool and that was it.

Also remember that as soon as you've had the baby you'll feel totally unpregnant, so that "I want my baby to myself" thing might be strong now whilst you are pregnant but might weaken quickly. At least that's what I felt anyway.

But if you're not bothered about having him there then no worries about the stag do. I think it's a bit of a shame that he could miss this amazing moment but each to their own!!

Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 14:18:31

I think I'm just going to point out to him before he goes (it's in April anyway) that I'm not fussed about him missing the birth, however, if I do give birth when he's away, then HE will probably come to regret that, and god forbid if anything bad happens, then you won't be there for either of us, as you'll be drunk and 6 hours away.

Most likely though I'll tell him that, nothing will happen that weekend and he will come home all smug and 'I told you so'

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 07-Jan-15 14:24:02

I know you 'love' him, but it doesn't sound like you like him very much?!

Given your list of 'don'ts' I think I'd be out of the country too, you sound scary!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 07-Jan-15 14:26:38

I wouldn't point it out to him, he's an adult, and you're not his mother.

Like you, it wouldn't bother me to be left, but it would bother me that he didn't want to be there enough not to take this risk.

Is your DS old enough not to need looking after?

weeblueberry Wed 07-Jan-15 14:28:01

Given your list of 'don'ts' I think I'd be out of the country too, you sound scary!

I'd have said so before my first labour too but then it turned out I wanted pretty much all those things too! You can't know what you're going to want/need until you're there I suppose but each birth is different.

Frankly if you're not keen on having him there I'd let him go. It's totally normal to want to crawl into a corner alone to give birth - lots of women want to.

Chunderella Wed 07-Jan-15 14:41:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 14:44:41

Haha I'm pretty terrifying. Like a nippy little chihuahua biting your ankles.

To be honest, I'm usually really laid back, I just know what I'm like and what I'll want, I'm always the same. When I had chemo and surgery I was the same, and with my first labour being like that was the only thing that would relax me. I just felt I should maybe pre warn about how I'm going to be so he doesn't start flapping about thinking I need fanning and back rubs and soothing and I bite his head off, or throw his phone out the window.

Aside from this whole stag do thing, I think he'd be quite scared there anyway. Has anyone seen TBBT when Sheldon's sister is in labour? He'd be like that.

My DS is 5, and desperately wants to be there so the idea with him is to play it by ear. If it is too much or he doesn't like it my mum is about 90 seconds away to come and collect him, so I'm not too concerned about him at the moment!

He'd actually probably be a more useful support than DP!

weelamb123 Wed 07-Jan-15 16:54:32

Sorry to say nut he is being very inconsiderate. He should be at ur beck and call at the later stages. I would murder my dh if he even suggested it! Put ur foot

ViolettaBridgettettette Wed 07-Jan-15 17:23:32

How can he risk missing the birth of his child? I'd be gutted

Firstimemummy15 Wed 07-Jan-15 18:25:59

My god I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I'm not allowed to even lock the bathroom door with out my partner worrying something is going to happen!! I say each to their own though and you do what's right for the 2 of you. I do wonder though that even though you seem like you don't mind if he isn't there for the birth it's playing on your mind enough to share on here so maybe you are a little??!!! wink x

TheScenicRoute Wed 07-Jan-15 19:44:13

I'd have been annoyed, but you sound like you know exactly what you want and are very clear on the matter. Good on you. I just hope that hormones don't change the situation and you regret it, but for now, it's what you want and he'll think you're a legend for letting him go without a fuss. X good luck.

avocadotoast Wed 07-Jan-15 19:51:31

I'd be furious. I'm due mid-May and DH is happy not to make any big plans/overnight trips etc from late March just in case anything happens, I need support etc.

Even if you do want to be alone while you're in labour, it's not just then, is it? You'll likely need support in the days after.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Wed 07-Jan-15 20:06:07

YANBU re your list of demands! I thought id want DH to rub my back, distract me and feed me snacks etc during labour. As it was, he was not allowed to touch me and definitely wasn't allowed to speak to me. The only words I spoke to him for the duration were 'put those fucking crisps away you're making me feel sick'.

YANBU about wanting to be on your own but I think he is BVVU about risking missing the birth of his child. Is he the father of your DS? Having said that my DH went away for the night when I was 2 days overdue with my blessing. My mum was there and he could be back in 2-3 hours if necessary.

Letmeeatcakecakecake Wed 07-Jan-15 20:41:02

Violetta- I agree, but I think that's on him! Not me! Personally if I was him, I wouldn't go because I wouldn't want to risk missing this... But I cant tell him that's how he should feel!!

Firsttimemummy- I'm not, I was more just wondering if it's normal to not be that fussed and not actually want him there

Thescenic- I've probably jinxed myself now and will want all those things!

Gottobe- I'm glad someone agrees with my list! I think I should run child birth classes... Instead of teaching massage I could be like 'don't do this' 'don't do that' 'do that and I'll break your knee caps!' He's not the father of my DS and I think he's underestimating how special child birth is. DS dad didn't want to see anything 'business end' when DS was born but in the heat of it all he had his head down there watching his son be born and he loved it!

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