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WWYD to tell boyfriend im pregnant

(21 Posts)
YoungAndConfused22 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:21:59

Ok first post I hope this is in the right place. I am 22 and have been in a relationship for nearly 6 years when I was 17 I fell pregnant but MC at 13 weeks. I Had the impant in and had regular period but they stopped concerned I went to the doctors I had it out and took a pt and it's come up positive. I now don't know what to do regarding bf and he has made it clear he doesn't want a baby yet. For some background he is 22 (his birthday is in a few days) and has a ft job and I'm in 2nd year of uni. What should I do? Should I tell him straight away before his birthday or wait? Last time I fell pregnant he didn't talk for ages saying he needed time to think leaving me confused and alone. And how would be the best to tell him

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 05-Jan-15 14:25:09

Surely if you've been in a relationship for 6 years you must be able to communicate with him?

It isn't like you've achieved this alone, it is something the two of you need to face together.

Do you want to have the baby? Will he? It's all very well him saying 'I don't want a baby yet', but if he's happy to have sex with you without a condom then that is a risk that he takes for himself.

skyra13 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:27:59

Personally I would tell him straight away so you both can deal with it, it takes two to tango as they say so its only fair that he should be told.
I don't think waiting till his birthday or after would be wise but it is your decision an you know your boyfriend better then anyone.
You have been together 6 years surely you both can talk about it as adults and make your decision from there on what you both want.
I hope you get the support you need smile and good luck x

YoungAndConfused22 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:29:56

Normally I can talk to him about almost everything but I think it's the reaction last time that scares me the most and the fact that he is always saying how he doesn't want a baby yet. After the mc I don't think I would make any other decision but keep the baby. Last time I caught no protection was used so I think he is the mindset that the implant would cover it all when lots of people have said it doesn't he just didn't listen :-/

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 05-Jan-15 14:32:56

What do you mean, 'he just didn't listen'?

Did you tell him he needed to use a condom? Who are 'lots of people'?

YoungAndConfused22 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:37:16

Well whenever I have suggested using a condom he just points out that was what the implant was for. And my my 3 housemates in the kitchen we was discussing my other housemate getting the implant and he commented about no need to use a condom no more (with her long term boyfriend) and my housemates where happy enough to point out that the implant doesn't cover everything. Also it came up about a year ago with his sister when she joked about buying him condoms for him for Christmas as he couldn't think of what he wanted (it was meant in a joke way) and he turned around saying he didn't need them no more and the sister replied of course you do better double safe that sorry

hippymama1 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:48:31

If it was me, I would do it straight away - like ripping off a plaster. When it's done, it's done.

You can't control his reaction, he might do the same as before and not talk to you etc but on the other hand, a few years have passed since then and he is a bit older / wiser? You don't know until you tell him.

The important thing is for you to decide what the right thing is for you. Just remember that none of this is your fault, you were not planning to get pregnant, it just happened. If it helps, I don't think there is ever a 'right time' to have a baby - I am married and in my 30s and it still didn't feel like the right time to me!

I hope everything works out the way you want xx

YoungAndConfused22 Mon 05-Jan-15 14:52:03

Thank you hippy that really helped me. I think I agree to tell him straight away but I won't see him for three days and i don't know whether to tell him on the phone to let him react on his own or tell him in person. I do hope he has matured and see that I need him now x

YoungAndConfused22 Mon 05-Jan-15 16:37:13

Thanks for the help

hippymama1 Mon 05-Jan-15 16:59:51

Good luck with everything xx

YoungAndConfused22 Tue 06-Jan-15 23:20:42

Update I've told him and he is jjust as immature as before and is now just ignoring ME sad

MsVanRein Tue 06-Jan-15 23:26:56

Sorry to hear he's reacted this way. Perhaps he will come round a bit when the shock has work off. Did you tell him on the phone?

Hope you are ok? Do you have anyone in RL who can give you some support?

YoungAndConfused22 Tue 06-Jan-15 23:35:53

Yes over the phone. I thought about in person but it would devestate me if he just ignored me then. And yes and it's still Christmas holidays for uni im at my mums and she is v supportive

MrsG23 Tue 06-Jan-15 23:36:30

Sometimes, it's not about being immature.. It's just how people deal with it. I know, my husband would FREAK and not talk to me for a while - it would be his way of getting his head around it as it wouldn't be planned....
Let him have his quiet time and when he is ready, sit and talk about it. It gives you both some time to get your head in gear and work out how best to go forward... I hope everything works out for you, love smile xxx

Swanny84 Wed 07-Jan-15 08:09:36

Awww Hunny I really feel for you. Don't play to his immature games, he might have just been shocked and scared but surely that wouldn't have lasted more than a few hours. you didn't make the baby on your own and you don't need extra stress. Focus on yourself and leave him to come round to it by himself.
You haven't said how many periods you have missed so could be quite far on? I'm glad your Mams there to support you, good luck with everything xx

Bondy83 Wed 07-Jan-15 08:49:48

Give him some time to get his head round things if you weren't ttc then it's not news he was expecting and he will be in shock. When I first told dh I was expecting no3 he just said oh! He didn't speak to me about it for ages the next thing I know he's got his head in the loft pricing up a loft conversion! I'd leave him for a few days then arrange to meet up in person to discuss it and hopefully he will be starting to get his head round things

hippymama1 Wed 07-Jan-15 10:34:54

I'm sorry he reacted like that :-(

I agree with some of the other posters - give him a little while to get his head around the whole thing... It is pretty huge and he wasn't expecting it. It may take him a little while to come to terms with it and he may also need to speak to a trusted friend etc.

As Bondy says, maybe arrange to meet up in person in a couple of days to discuss it?

I am really happy for you that you are home with your supportive mum - can you talk to her about what you want in terms of the pregnancy and in terms of the relationship? Might help you to have some plans in mind for what YOU want regardless of your BFs reaction... You might feel more in control then rather than just waiting to see what happens...

Take care xx

YoungAndConfused22 Wed 07-Jan-15 10:49:19

Thanks everyone for your responses they have been very reassuring! I've still had no reply from dp. I'm meant to be seeing him on Friday so hopefully we can talk then. And I missed one period and the clearblue test said 3+. I talked to my mum (who's retired) and she said she was very happy to help. She said if I choose to continue the pregnancy she would happily help support me and we could live with her while I finish off uni (I would probably finish second year then take a gap year then go to the finish the degree). I will update you if I hear anything.

Thanks everyone x

mum2benicole Wed 07-Jan-15 11:13:45

Me and my partner of 6 years decided to have childeren im 23 now with a daughter 16months old and im 21wks with our son he agreed to both pregnancies but still HD a hard time accepting I was pregnant hes not good with change and didn't talking for 4 weeks we lived together for 3 years it was a strange time for him but came used to the idea I just had to leave him to it really men are strange hehe just tell him am see what he says height just be OK with it just tell him how shocked u are aswell
Xx

hippymama1 Wed 07-Jan-15 12:17:32

Your Mum sounds fab! Lovely and reassuring for you to know that you have that support in place. xx

MsVanRein Wed 07-Jan-15 13:07:07

Glad to hear you are with your mum and she is being supportive. Hopefully your bf will come round - you have been together quite a while so obviously committed to each other.

I had my Ds in the summer break between 2nd and 3rd year of uni and went back to complete 3rd year when he was very young so if you want any advice feel free to PM me.

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