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Second hand smoke

(18 Posts)
Dolly87 Thu 01-Jan-15 11:11:26

We've been invited to dh family for a meal and I'm not sure if I really want to go. Mainly because when we usually go there, at least three members of his family smoke indoors, to the point my eyes are stinging. 23weeks pregnant and don't really want to put my unborn child at that kind of risk, any advice on what I should do? Oh has already explained I won't be going but he's going to go alone and now I feel a bit guilty. I'd rather not go though than ask someone not to smoke in their own home.

Gillian1980 Thu 01-Jan-15 11:55:38

Would they still do it knowing you're pregnant??

My family smoke like chimneys but they would never do it if I was there, they go outside. They always air the house out before I visit.

I've never ever asked them to but who would choose to smoke around a pregnant person?!

If you go and see how it is, is it easy enough to leave if they start smoking?

TimefIies Thu 01-Jan-15 15:46:00

I think you're right not to go - if there are three heavy smokers in the house, just being in the house will be smoky, whether they smoke at the time or not.

It might even encourage them to give up, if they realise when baby arrives, it won't be visiting them at home!

smogsville Fri 02-Jan-15 21:48:07

OP I would so not go, sounds horrifying.

Dolly87 Fri 02-Jan-15 23:14:43

Thanks ladies. I ended up not going. Neither did dh. Don't feel as bad now as ive since found out other members of his family were not there either for various reasons. The next dilemma is that his (smoking) grandmother has been knitted for the baby. Will washing the items get rid of all the smoke? Ha, sorry I'm a worrier. X

Dolly87 Fri 02-Jan-15 23:16:21

*knitting

smogsville Sat 03-Jan-15 08:37:10

Well done Dolly. Put the baby and yourself first while trying not to be overtly rude would be my advice.

I don't know if washing would remove it - doesn't wool have to be washed quite carefully? You could always politely accept the gifts and then not actually put your little one in them.

Remember as well that if she's smoking you musn't let her cuddle the baby as the smoke will be in her clothes.

Sounds harsh but baby comes first. You could always show a print-out from NHS website if that would help.

Dolly87 Sat 03-Jan-15 19:22:10

Thanks smogsville, I'm glad someone else thinks like me. Yes that's what I'm thinking, accept but not actually use. MIL says it will be fine but I'm not so sure. Arghhh the whole holding baby thing is stressing me out too, what will I actually say? My dh brother is also a smoker, and I've warned him he won't be able to hold baby, although some of his family think I'm over reacting angry

BilboTheAlmighty Sat 03-Jan-15 19:41:24

Dolly, they have to clean their hands and wear clean clothes. That's what we were told at NCT. They may think what they want: the research is here to back you up!

smogsville Sat 03-Jan-15 19:54:34

With all due respect to your MIL, she's wrong. Print out the evidence Dolly and stick to your guns. No way would I let anyone who'd been smoking near my DD.

I should add I enjoyed many a carefree drunken fag-fuelled night in my youth, I'm not a killjoy but now there are babies and toddlers it's time to focus on them!

Dolly87 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:08:55

Totally agree girls, thanks smile im off to the nhs website and going to screen shot and email to brother in law xx

ladyflower23 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:29:26

Agh! I didn't know about the not letting smokers hold your baby thing! One of my best friends is a smoker. That's going to be an awkward convo. I'm off to the nhs site as well now!

ToriB34 Sat 03-Jan-15 21:11:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

araminem Sat 03-Jan-15 22:03:14

I have this issue with my MIL: she smokes inside and the house really reeks. Anyone can point me to the relevant NHS link? I cannot find anything for family, rather than the mother.

BilboTheAlmighty Sun 04-Jan-15 01:02:28

Telegraph article (so not the Daily Mail!):

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/4126202/Parents-who-smoke-only-in-garden-may-still-harm-children-doctors-warn.html

I gather from the article that some further study is needed (as always). But really it should be enough: who would want to risk a baby's health?!? It's going to be awkward but if your newborn has to be in regular close contact with heavy smokers, a conversation will have to happen. 3rd hand smoke is not just about a stale odour.

ApocalypseThen Sun 04-Jan-15 12:54:32

My dad's a smoker and he won't be getting his hands on this baby until he's washed up and changed his clothes regardless of how harmful he refuses to accept smoke is. Addicts will minimize the effects of their habits and justify their behaviour if they can so I wouldn't be guided by their views.

MrsN1984 Mon 05-Jan-15 10:17:05

I'm in a similar position but I really couldn't care less about offending smokers.
I have spent almost 9 months growing and protecting our baby and I'm not going to let FIL/DM/BIL/SIL fill his lungs with their stinky 3rd hand smoke.

smogsville Mon 05-Jan-15 17:37:04

MrsN - exactly!

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