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Stressing out about telling my boyfriend I'm pregnant

(15 Posts)
NewMum139 Thu 25-Dec-14 21:28:59

Hi all

Not sure if anyone on here can advise. I found out yesterday (on Christmas Eve) that I'm pregnant - roughly three weeks. This wasn't planned. I have been with my partner for 1 1/2 years and we are happy and I'm so glad I met him. But he already has a child (who I get on really well with) and has been very clear that he doesn't want more children. In fact we had a conversation about it very recently. I was undecided about children before meeting him but was a bit sad about him totally ruling it out as I am in my mid 30s. But I didn't want to end the relationship.

Anyway - now it's happened and feels like nigh on a miracle. I took the test to set my mind at rest thinking there was no way I could be, so was shocked. Having said that I knew practically immediately I wanted to keep the baby.

I'm frightened this is going to mean the end of my relationship as I know pretty much for sure my boyfriend is going to be dead against this. I'm scared to go it alone. Having the baby will be difficult practically and financially whether my boyfriend is involved or not. For lots of reasons it couldn't be a worse time.

Already I feel like a fraud as we have been texting and calling today and I haven't said anything. I'm also hiding it from my family who I'm spending Christmas with.

All in all I'm freaking out badly!

queenofthepirates Thu 25-Dec-14 21:36:09

Holding your hand x

Would it help if I told you I was in your shoes 4 years ago? I went ahead on my own and I have a beautiful DD asleep in her bedroom this evening. It is possible and you can do this. It's without a shadow of doubt, the best decision I ever made.

Stay strong, it will be okay xxx

JuanDirection Thu 25-Dec-14 21:49:13

Congratulations! You will love your baby so much, it will be difficult no matter what the circumstances, but it will be the best thing that's ever happened to you, I promise. You can't imagine now the strength of love you'll feel when you're holding your baby in your arms. Hopefully your oh will be supportive, but either way you CAN do this. xx

EstRusMum Thu 25-Dec-14 22:23:25

I agree with 2 PPs. I made this decision 10 years ago and I did ended up breaking up with him. But I got my DS and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I have a new partner, I'm expecting a little girl in 8 days and am really happy.
Also, you never know - he might change his mind about 'no more kids' policy.
Anyway, you can do it. If you want this baby, you should keep it.

TheScenicRoute Thu 25-Dec-14 22:59:26

After 4&1/2 years of infertility in my mid 30s I would say, if you want children at all, go for it. The pain of not having the option, or potentially regretting not going for it is beyond anything I could describe to you.

You have such a short snap shot in your life to have children now. I know you love him, but it is possible to meet someone else (that's not the point I'm making really), the point is, you have just a few years left. Think about which is more important to you, a very tough few years alone with a child, or a life of childlessness with a wonderful man (who you incident may come to resent if you make the wrong decision)

Good luck. X

NewMum139 Fri 26-Dec-14 10:42:39

Thanks guys - your comments helped. I do know I want to keep the baby. It's blooming terrifying but will just have to face the challenge. I'm not seeing him until Monday so it's kind of weird holding off until then (especially as I've already gone on here with it!) but I need to do it face to face so at the moment that's the plan.

GlitzAndGigglesx Fri 26-Dec-14 10:55:14

When I was pregnant with my first at 17 I was a nervous wreck. My dd was unplanned and I was terrified I'd just got my first FT job after finishing college and finally had a life for myself. I remembers MW telling me surprise babies are the best. And she wasn't wrong. Dd is nearly 4, I'm better off financially and we're now expecting our second. Of course it's completely up to you but it seems you have your mind set on keeping the baby and your partners mind may change over time. Best of luck!

TheScenicRoute Fri 26-Dec-14 16:39:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy, it's great that you have a clear understanding of what you will do.

Good luck on Monday, I hope it works out OK. X

queenofthepirates Sun 28-Dec-14 18:50:47

Best of luck for tomorrow xxx

Firstimemummy15 Sun 28-Dec-14 19:49:44

Congratulations! I am now 37 weeks pregnant and my partner is older than me and already has a son and initially didn't want children. After 3 years of being together I raised the topic again and he wanted to try - within a couple of months I was expecting! He has been amazing (as well as driving me mad at times wanting to feel baby kick etc!). anyway what I'm saying is he may feel differently when U tell him the news and how much bump means to you. Wishing you all the luck for tomorrow and thinking of you x

Rumplestrumpet Mon 29-Dec-14 11:20:32

Morning OP, hope all goes well today with your partner.

I remember my sister was in a similar position 6 years ago - she called me on Christmas eve to tell me she was pregnant, and was terrified of telling the father (in her case because they hadn't been together very long). He took it well, initially wanted to be involved but ended up bailing for a while after the baby came. It was tough, but my sister did an amazing job - she leaned on me & mum when she needed to, and enlisted the help of friends along the way. She is the most amazing, dedicated mother I know, and has an incredible bond with her little boy.

Now, a few years on, she has a functioning relationship with the dad, and he in involved in the son's life even though they haven't been a couple since he was a baby. It hasn't turned out "perfectly" - she had wanted them to work as a couple. But I know she wouldn't change a thing.

In any case, I have other friends who went into parenthood married, with committed partners, who then turned out to be bloody awful fathers and it ended in a messy divorce.

Wishing you the very best of luck.

ClashCityRocker Mon 29-Dec-14 11:30:32

Congratulations flowers

Hope all goes well today. If it helps, my brother was in the same position as your boyfriend. Although it was a shock, knowing there was a child coming whether it was what he planned or not meant that he just had to accept it as a fait accompli. He was a bit of an arse during pregnancy but now my little dn is a much loved addition to the family and has two parents who love her very much. They are still together.

Mrsgentle2014 Mon 29-Dec-14 11:32:28

Been watching this thread in the last few days as I would be in the same position as you OP..
I have everything crossed for you, let us know how you get on! flowers x

NewMum139 Sat 03-Jan-15 21:19:38

Thanks guys for all your support. I told boyfriend on Monday. He was shocked to say the least and it's been an incredibly emotional week. But we are now getting to the point of working things out together.

I also had a huge scare last night and had to go to A&E and have a early scan this morning (boyfriend came for support). The whole thing could easily form a separate thread. I was enormously relieved that I have not lost the baby and there's (hopefully) a good chance it will be ok.

This put everything into perspective for me massively and all of the stressing I had been doing over finances and practicalities, although still very real, melted into insignificance really and all I'm focusing on now is looking after myself and the baby.

Don't usually post on things like this so feel a bit weird updating tbh so will leave it at that now but thanks for your support when needed x

Loveallmyboys Sun 04-Jan-15 08:38:35

So glad it's all working out for you. Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly smile

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