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Being a Maid of Honor at 39 weeks?

(19 Posts)
TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 20:53:36

My best friend is planning her wedding and it looks like the date will be 3 days before in EDD.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant with my first and have no idea how I will feel at that point but I'm guessing I won't be dancing till midnight grin

I would like to be able to sow the seeds now for what my limitations will be: will I even be able to last the day?

I'm aware I may give birth before EDD which I think would be worse as I inagine I would be expected to show my face with new born.

None of my friends has children so we're all pretty clueless about late pregnancy!

I should add my friend is kind and caring and will go with whatever I say but I don't want to give her a false idea of how involved I'll be.

So, any advice on those final days of pregnancy?

PrincessOfChina Tue 23-Dec-14 20:55:38

Do you live close by? I would have been fine (if probably tired and grumpy) but travelling was an issue - I was off to the loo every 30m at best. I was two weeks overdue in the end.

TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 20:58:13

Yes it will be 15 minutes from home.
Will add pee breaks to my list of thing Ill need!

YonicSleighdriver Tue 23-Dec-14 20:58:48

I would decline. You might go into labour on the day. You may be on bed rest.

By all means go as a responsibility free guest if it is nearby or even do a reading if you can get a back up, but not maid of honour.

JE1982 Tue 23-Dec-14 21:00:35

I'm 38 weeks now - I need to nap morning and afternoon, I need to wee every 30 minutes, I can't stand for more than 10 minutes without getting faint, and I can't fit my feet into any shoes other than loose trainers!

every pregnancy is different and you may be fine, but you definitely need to manage expectations now.

Perspective21 Tue 23-Dec-14 21:02:32

I saw the title and just popped on to say, I've had three DCs, all born at 37 wks plus a day or two. A term baby is anywhere from 37- 42 weeks!!

yomellamoHelly Tue 23-Dec-14 21:03:47

I would have been fine doing it - but HUGE. No clothes ever fitted by this stage - ended up wearing dh's stuff with all 3 - though.

YonicSleighdriver Tue 23-Dec-14 21:05:25

I don't think you should go with a newborn either, except to maybe pop in. If feeding, you will be feeding a lot, your tummy will still look 5 m pregnant or so and you will still have lochia and possibly pain in your nether regions.

TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 21:10:05

yo I can't even bare to think of how I will find something that fits and is cool and doesn't make me look whale like!

Perspective I'm almost more worried about have DC before the wedding. I know I'll want to be at home in joggers for first few weeks months

yonic she is so lovely that if I decline she will tell me to just come on the day and wear a matching huge dress and still call me MoH but I don't want her to miss out on the support I got from her when I got married.

TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 21:13:50

Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone. It's helpful to know I'm not imagining the issues I might face!

MistAndAWeepingRain Tue 23-Dec-14 21:16:08

I'd decline too. You could easily have a tiny newborn on the wedding day. Much less stress all round to suggest she choose someone else.

merlehaggard Tue 23-Dec-14 21:23:38

I'd decline. I think it might put too much pressure on you in the build up with every Branson hicks making you worry that you will go into labour and not be there for her. IMO it's bad enough at that point anyway, without throwing that in to the mix!

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 23-Dec-14 21:23:50

I would have had a four week old baby at my 39 week date...

babyblabber Tue 23-Dec-14 21:27:37

I'd suggest sharing the role maybe. Like she could pick someone else but you could still be involved. You're far more likely to go overdue than early no matter how many stories of early babies you hear. You'll be physically limited, tired and peeing a lot but you would defo be able to be there, at least til dinner is over. I'm 35 weeks on number 3 (& bearing in mind I make huge bsbies am about the same size as most people full term) & was at a hen on Saturday & wedding is next week. I've no role in it but plan to stay til at least midnight.

Only issue for me is I get quite uncomfortable after a big meal and wrecked after a late night (ie anything past 10!) but both of those I'd be willing to put up with for a good friend.

TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 21:34:27

I think I need to tell her I'll do everything I can and be there for as much of the build up and event as possible but that I can't promise anything and that I might have to miss it completely.
She was bloody amazing on my wedding day so I feel so sad I can't return the favour.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Tue 23-Dec-14 21:44:39

One of my best friends was at my wedding an hour from home (stayed 2 nights) when she was 40 + 3! She was absolutely fine, tired but otherwise ok. And we had a midwife and a GP also staying. It will all completely depend on your pregnancy though. It was fab that she made it but we were fully prepared that she wouldn't be able to. We were planning to FaceTime her through parts of it if she was in labour/just given birth! I would decline to be maid of honour in case you can't carry out your duties but otherwise plan to be there unless anything changes.

helly29 Tue 23-Dec-14 22:09:14

Seeing as it's so near home, I'd not rule out going altogether at this point as some people seem to be suggesting - you've no idea how you'll be.

My best friend was initially due on the date I'd booked, then moved three days earlier after her scan. (I actually told her about the date by asking 'What are you doing on...?' not knowing she'd just found out she was pregnant!) She wasn't MoH, but was a bridesmaid - I did give her the option of not being a bridesmaid but she really wanted to if she could.

There was lots of 'contraction watch' in the week up to the wedding, but she made it, and was dancing until 11pm. Baby was born 4 days later.

Of course everyone is different, but just as it could be early, it could also be late and if you give a definite no this early you could end up sat at home, feeling ok 'just in case'.

I'd say if your friend is easygoing about how much you need to 'do' as bridesmaid (apart from hang out and get ready with me, then walk down the aisle, I didn't really ask mine to do anything specific - what do others expect of theirs?) then just see how you feel at the time and make sure your friend knows that the situation could change at any point.

Congrats to you and your friend!

helly29 Tue 23-Dec-14 22:13:05

Also just to be clear - I also gave her the option of not coming at all, not just not being a bridesmaid, but I'm so glad she made it!

PS: We have an awesome photo of her going down the aisle and the expression on a couple of the guests' faces are priceless grin

TouchPauseEngage Tue 23-Dec-14 22:18:10

Thanks helly!
It's in a barn so main duties will be climbing ladders to hang bunting etc, which I will obviously be excluded from grin

One of my other best friends is a wedding photographer so at least I know that she'll take some very sympathetic pictures. I bet your pictures are fab grin

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