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When is it ok to tell people

(44 Posts)
Leasa21 Tue 23-Dec-14 09:20:01

Because I've been trying for a little while I'm so excite at the fact im pregnant. Only problem with being 4-5 weeks we don't want to tell people until we know things are okay. When do you usually tell other people you're expecting? x

hippymama1 Tue 23-Dec-14 09:23:19

Congratulations! :-D

We waited until after the 12 week scan to make it public knowledge but had told a few close friends before that - it's up to you of course but I think it is better to wait if you can just to make sure everything is ok.

D00dles Tue 23-Dec-14 09:29:33

I have two horses so I've told my friends where we keep them otherwise they are asking why I'm not jumping, why don't a fancy a cuppa, etc. other than that work and both sets of parents/siblings I'm 7+4. I have a MC previously but one healthly DD before that I didn't find it hard telling people about the MC as most of the above people I needed support from. Also I show really early! Usually a size 8 and suddenly have a pot belly! So, it's what you feel comfortable with and who you feel comfortable telling. General rule is to wait until 12weeks but sometime you need some support with sickness/tiredness etc

LovelyWeatherForDucks Tue 23-Dec-14 09:32:02

I'm waiting til 12 weeks and we have the first scan and know for sure all is OK with the baby. A couple of people have guessed and I haven't denied it but family don't know. Last time I had an early scan at 10 weeks and told immediate family after that.

Leasa21 Tue 23-Dec-14 09:42:37

We had an emergency scan yesterday and everything was how it should be but we won't be able to are the baby until our next scan in 2 weeks time ( il be about 6-7 weeks then) so I wasn't sure if we'd tell people then because we could see or even if that's too soon. I think I might tell one or two people in two weeks (il need to tell at least one person at work because of my line of work). It's just so hard when you're so excited lol x

Rumplestrumpet Tue 23-Dec-14 09:47:17

People will have very different approaches to this - plenty will come along saying they haven't told anyone until 20 weeks, 30 weeks or almost until the birth. Some people like to tell everyone as soon as they know. I don't think there is necessarily a right or a wrong.

My advice would be to take a sensible approach to it - we all know that there is always a threat of miscarriage, all the way through pregnancy, but it significantly diminishes throughout the first trimester. We had an early scan at 8 weeks, saw the heartbeat, and so statistically there was only a 2% chance of miscarriage at that stage. So we told parents & siblings and a couple of friends. We'll have the 12 week scan next week, and as long as all is well we'll tell most people slowly, as we see them/speak to them after that. We're not into sharing the scan pic on Facebook , but that's just me and I don't judge those who do. Indeed, I loved logging on to see the scan pic of an old friend who I know had been trying for years.

I think the key is to think, horrible as it is, if the very worst happens and you miscarry, who would you want to support you? Tell them. Who would you not want to have to tell/explain it to? Don't tell them just yet.

And congratulations!

Rumplestrumpet Tue 23-Dec-14 09:49:46

Actually, slight fib - I told one friend the day I found out - she knew we'd be trying for years and I knew she'd be so excited for us. She was, and it was great to have her to share the early nerves and excitement. So if you're keen on telling a couuple of close friends already, I'd say go for it. (not sure DH would agree though!)

Leasa21 Tue 23-Dec-14 09:52:11

I think that's probably the best approach for us. Would be nothing worse than us to tell EVERYONE and then something awful happens. My boyfriend is trying hard not to talk about it with me as he doesn't want to get all excited and something happens. Just can't wait for the next 8 weeks to be over and everything okay smile x

Leasa21 Tue 23-Dec-14 09:53:41

Or at least a less of a risk x

beno57 Tue 23-Dec-14 10:11:47

I told a few close friends early on, from 5 weeks because I would need their support if things went wrong. I also found it very helpful to talk to them about all the symptoms as bottling it up would have made it even worse. We then told family after the 12 week scan and then everyone after that. Avoiding social media though for as long as we can!

eastcoastmum2014 Tue 23-Dec-14 10:28:52

We told no one except my boss (my job involves a lot of heavy lifting etc) until the 12 week scan. It was soooooooooo hard though, we literally got home from the scan and got phoning round people haha!!

JennyBlueWren Tue 23-Dec-14 10:40:10

I told my parents and his straight away (after I told DH of course).
Told my boss when I asked for time off for MW appointment (at what we thought was 6 weeks) as she was worried I was ill (or probably stressed) when I said I had "an appointment".
Told my close team at work when I was 7 weeks as I was in late one day having had to get off the bus to be sick.
Told everyone else after "12" week scan which turned out to be not quite 10 weeks. DH was so excited he posted straight to Facebook so I thought better announce it myself. Turned out some more folk at work had already heard though!

TheScenicRoute Tue 23-Dec-14 10:48:26

We told our parents only at 5 weeks, purely because they all live abroad but all happened to be home at that point and we could tell them face to face, we wouldn't have otherwise. All four of them said "I wish you hadn't told us until 12 weeks, we're just going to worry now!"

Everyone else got told at 14 weeks.

Kungpowkitten76 Tue 23-Dec-14 11:43:52

I made the mistake of getting totally carried away with my first pregnancy and told the world, then miscarried at 5 weeks.
I am now 13 weeks, had my 12 week Scan yesterday, and we plan to tell our family on Christmas day.

rubyboo2 Tue 23-Dec-14 11:45:12

Congratulations :-) , we told everyone at 6 weeks my oh couldnt wait and neither could I lol .

DoYouWannaBuildaSnowman Tue 23-Dec-14 12:26:52

We told our parents and siblings the day after we found out. Had expected to want to keep it quiet but was so excited I couldn't wait!

Then our best friends and some more family from about 9 weeks onwards. Everyone else after the scan!

GlitzAndGigglesx Tue 23-Dec-14 12:29:51

I told close people as soon as I found out which would've made me a few weeks. I'm now 8 weeks and have told a few more including work as it would affect parts of my job role. I was too excited to keep hush until 12 weeks. Congrats though!

Rockchick1984 Tue 23-Dec-14 12:30:31

First pregnancy - told everyone straight away. Second pregnancy - told everyone after 8 week scan, had a MMC between 8 and 12 weeks and had to tell everyone at 12 weeks that I'd miscarried sad so third pregnancy we only told the people who had been supportive previously until after 12 week scan despite having multiple early scans.

There's really no right time to tell, as long as you're aware there's a chance you will have to tell people that things have gone wrong!

Taffeta Tue 23-Dec-14 12:35:11

Kungpow - the best Christmas news smile

I have 2 DC and had 2 MMCs, apart from parents waited until 12 weeks.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 23-Dec-14 12:36:46

I onyl told the people i would want to support me in the event of a mc, which is what ended up happening. I actually told a lot of people about the mc, cause I found that it is something that pretty much everyone has at some point or other and no-one ever talks about it, ever. I found that really hard to deal with so want to be open about mine in case I can support people who also go through it.

Essentially, tell only your close friends and family, or those you can trust to support you should the worst happen. It doesn't matter when you tell, its all about who you tell.

PurpleStripedSock Tue 23-Dec-14 12:38:21

I've been completely unable to wait until 12 weeks with both pregnancies. I've told close friends and families at the first positive pee stick and then work usually around 10 weeks.

I 'announced' to other friends and social networks at 20 weeks with the first and 13 weeks with the second.

Littledragon13 Tue 23-Dec-14 12:48:04

We told family and siblings around 4/5 weeks. We have had an awful reaction from my SIL so it's made me so anxious about telling other people but my OH has told pretty much everyone he has come into contact with because he is so excited! I'm 12 weeks now and first scan is next week

Teeste Tue 23-Dec-14 13:44:01

We told all the parents when we found out (5 weeks) with my first pregnancy. My mum decided to tell her friends, some of whom I know, against my express wishes. So when I miscarried at 7 weeks, I was receiving congratulatory emails from them when I was in the midst of everything. It wasn't fun.

This time, I had to tell my mum after we found out (4 weeks) as she was staying with us and it was really hard to diguise that morning sickness. She still went and bloody told people (I had to have stern words with her, she was still baffled). We told everyone else after the 12 week scan, even though it was at 11+2, since we wouldn't be having another scan until 20 weeks and we didn't see any point in waiting the 5 days to 12 weeks, IYSWIM.

We told parents in person and everyone else via the whole Facebook scan photo thing - our friends and family are distributed all over the world, so it was easiest this way.

Only tell people you can trust to keep their mouths shut if you don't want it to be common knowledge, that's my advice. I did feel a lot more confident in this pregnancy after the 12 week scan, so felt more comfortable telling people. It still feels like a hell of a risky thing, though - I almost feel responsible for 'keeping' this pregnancy as other people would be disappointed, upset or look at me funny if it goes wrong again. I don't really do public displays of emotion confused

Leasa21 Tue 23-Dec-14 14:31:48

I think the only telling one or two people will work best for me. I'm so petrified something is going to happen. I feel like if I tell anyone I might curse it. Feeling like everything is dragging since we found out, although I guess Christmas and everything doesn't help. Il be so much happier in two weeks at the next scan x

fattycow Tue 23-Dec-14 14:38:34

After 12/13 weeks.

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