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Brother in Law from hell

(22 Posts)
simplylivi Mon 22-Dec-14 00:11:13

So we have just found out that we are pregnant for the first time. My partners family live in NZ apart from his older brother who lives in london. We were hoping to wait til our first scan to tell our families but now said brother in law has invited himself to xmas with us and i am so hot can only wear my pjs and bra and fresh air makes me nauseous. Never mind the fact i own a pub and wont be drinking over xmas. We dont really have any choice but to tell him. Unfortunately he is an arse. He is 30 with the emotional capabilities of a caterpillar at best. Telling him means we have to tell our parents and other siblings. We know he is going to freak out, possibly storm out, try to convince us that we arent ready and we should give baby up and lord knows what he will say to his mother behind our backs. Probably that i tricked my partner and am forcing him into it. I can safely guss this because this is what he did when he found out we were engaged in sept. Bare in mind my partner and i have been together for 5 years and lived together for 6.... anyway this is mainly a rant but anyone who would like to bad mouth him be my guest and any anti murder tips would be gratefully received. i just feel for my partner he feels so unsupported by his family and they are so far away (thankfully )

scarletforya Mon 22-Dec-14 00:13:06

Eh? Refuse to let him come.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 22-Dec-14 00:15:23

Do you need to tell him you're pregnant? Is it obvious yet?

pictish Mon 22-Dec-14 00:17:51

Tell him, and take great delight in doing so I say.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Mon 22-Dec-14 00:20:23

If you're only in your Pjs you'll not be down in the pub will you so he wont be expecting you to drink.

But seriously? Tell him he cant come. If you have to have a reason tell him youve got a bug and are vomitting everywhere.

simplylivi Mon 22-Dec-14 00:23:23

Unfortunately there is no refusal of family in oh's family, its all or nothing. I also think its quite obvious. I'm looking forward to wiling the smug smile off his face as soon as he turns up but its so unfair on oh. What a giant anus. We have decided to tell him on xmas eve as we live on an island with no ferries on xmas day. That way if he wants to bugger off he can and we dont have to feed him on xmas day smile

simplylivi Mon 22-Dec-14 00:24:37

Whyyougottabesorude... your user name is so apt for how im feeling

Happy36 Mon 22-Dec-14 00:25:32

Can you tell him you have a fever?

simplylivi Mon 22-Dec-14 00:28:13

Yeah might be able to get away with that one. Why to people make life so difficult! Its not their life so bugger off out of it!

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Mon 22-Dec-14 00:33:33

Its not just OH's family though. Its your life, your home, your decision when to tell and who you tell. Toughen up and stand your ground now or you'll forever be whinging about this arsehole despite having done nothing about it.

sianihedgehog Mon 22-Dec-14 07:32:28

About half my friends asked if we were going to keep it and if it was on purpose when my partner and I got pregnant. :/ nonot exactly the best reception for that sort of news is it? I had a prepared speech which included the phrase "yes it was on purpose" after the first few.
I reckon you might need a speech like that for brother in law so he just doesn't get the chance to be a dick about it. You could even get your other half to text him it so he can't interrupt.

Jodie1982 Mon 22-Dec-14 07:41:30

Your a grown woman. And if your pregnant it's none of his bloody business!? Don't pussy foot about, you'll forever b doing it otherwise. If you don't want him visiting then don't have him. I don't have people staying over etc if I don't want to, it's my bloody home. Especially when pregnant as I love sitting in just my drawers n vest top, bump out having a good scratch cos
Damn itchy, can't do that with visitors about lol.

Ruth10 Mon 22-Dec-14 08:46:23

I find it unbelievable that a grown man will react like you are expecting him too. If (why should you if you don't want to!) you tell him don't give him the chance to be unkind, if he starts to react badly just make sure you and partner say how happy you are and walk away, if he mentions it again ignore him, last chance tell him if he has nothing nice to say then you would prefer he said nothing at all. You are adults not teenagers no one should be behaving like this!

You definitely need to make sure OH is backing you up in these conversations.

MrsMeeple Mon 22-Dec-14 09:07:15

I vote for a phone call shortly before he will have to leave his house, saying "I have raging gastro. Vomitting everywhere. Diarrhea like you wouldn't believe. Think I caught it when I stopped over at a friend's for a cup of tea. Seems to be a particularly infectious strain. Sorry, christmas celebrations are all cancelled".

thesmallbear Mon 22-Dec-14 09:26:58

As he was such a knob when you told him about your engagement, why would he think he'd be welcome at your place? As he seems to hate you so much, why would he want to spend Christmas with you anyway? Tell him to sod off!

FishWithABicycle Mon 22-Dec-14 09:36:12

Claim norovirus and he'll definitely catch it if he comes. Help him find somewhere else to spend Xmas.

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 22-Dec-14 09:40:03

Unfortunately there is no refusal of family in oh's family, its all or nothing

Well, make a new tradition. That of deciding who does and doesn't come into your house. Remember, you are an adult now.

ChickenMe Mon 22-Dec-14 12:19:16

What will happen if you refuse? Why is everyone pandering to this dickhead? You don't like him so don't act like you do. Sounds like he has everyone over a barrel. Repeat - ^we don't reward bad behaviour^grin
Or as we say in our family "we don't do bullies"

Castlemilk Mon 22-Dec-14 12:59:14

Um - I think, that if you are about to have a baby who will be part of this family, the uttermost top tip I would give you is to take this opportunity to start refusing!!

Otherwise, get ready for a fallout and bad feeling of epic proportions - or worse, YOU getting sidelined/steamrollered and your own relationship with your OH suffering - when BIL/MIL/whoever decide that yes they will be visiting you straight after the birth even if you don't feel up to it, yes they will come to stay for weeks on end to 'bond' as it's more important than you recovering and bonding yourself, yes they will be organising the baby's christening/first Christmas/birthday etc... and so on.

If you want a happy family, start putting your foot down. With a smile. But firmly down. There's no better moment. 'Sorry, that won't be possible, it doesn't work for me. Yes, that was then, this is now - I am pregnant/we have a baby now, so I'm afraid that we need to organise things the way they work for us'. This goes for your OH too. He needs to support you first and foremost.

Tell your BIL you've both been under the weather and you are not up for Christmas guests.

WingsClipped Mon 22-Dec-14 17:35:01

Where is your OH in all of this? He needs to support you and deal with this arsehole his brother

FishWithABicycle Fri 26-Dec-14 08:17:40

How did it go OP? Did you survive?

Jodie1982 Sat 27-Dec-14 16:43:50

How did ur Xmas go Op? Hopefully you had a relaxing time and non stressful.

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