Rant...women who love to tell you all about their birth horror stories :(

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello everyone,

Thought I would have a little Sunday evening rant something has been bothering me recently! I'm nearly 33 weeks pregnant with my first child and obviously starting to become anxious about the birth. I know it will be painful, but friends/women I've met in antenatal just LOVE to tell me about their birth horror stories. I'm now expecting hell on earth, I haven't come across one woman who has had a normal birth

I almost feel that some of the women get some kind of 'weird' enjoyment from telling their stories! I think they tend to forget that they are scaring the living daylights out of me!

Anyway rant over! Hope you all have a lovely Sunday evening xx

[MrsPepperMintonCandyCane]

I love telling my not horror story!! There are some very positive stories and I hope yours will be one too.

[Cherryblossom200]

I hope so! But who knows! I'm preparing myself for hell ha! I really don't mind people telling me about their birth stories, but it's the nightmare ones I don't really want to hear so much especially when they know it's my turn soon! x

[cherubimandseraphim]

I wouldn't tell a pregnant woman my birth story, but I'm not sure either that it helps for people not to. One of the things that often shocks women a great deal is the feeling that there is a conspiracy of silence around birth before/while you're pregnant. I've personally met more women who have said to me "why did no one TELL me?!?" than I have pregnant women who say they'd prefer not to hear others' birth stories....but then everyone's different! :)

[Boomtownsurprise]

In my own experience I couldn't stop telling it within the first year if it came up. Firstly I was traumatised. And some stuff happened I had no idea to be wary of. I genuinely thought I was helping.
Four years on and another birth I know not to say anything to a first timer. I cannot help. I just agree with what (idiocy) they believe.....

[TheBatteriesHaveRunOut]

I think it's really unsisterly to do this and I've known lots of women who love to tell their horror stories with no regard to whether anyone wants to listen.

I've seen people walk out of rooms before.

Really horrible to tell your bad story to someone who is pregnant, especially.

I'm all for letting it out and sharing, but choose your audience!

[originalusernamefail]

If it helps giving birth was by far and away the best part of my whole pg (granted it was shit, HG, SPD, Shingles, and blackouts). It was long and it hurt, but then I had baby DS and it all melted away, I literally spent the next few days floating on a cloud .

for the new baby, it's not as bad as you think.

[MrsPepperMintonCandyCane]

What I'd have liked to know...the pain is bearable. Between contractions you get a break from it. Have some ice/drink with a straw or a damp flannel because you can get a bit thirsty/dry mouthed. I had a hospital birth and home birth. One seven hour labour and one 43 minute labour. Just go with the flow and be happy to change your plans. My arms ached and legs the next day but that was from kneeling and I'm unfit ;) I did have a tear. I didn't even know it had happened. Both times. I'd do it again in an instant.

[Owllady]

Just take no notice
It will all be fine, even if it is not straightforward. We live in the UK, not a developing country

And before I'm jumped on, I had a mismanaged birth but I'd have died and so would my daughter have done, had we lived elsewhere. It's rare, thankfully, to die in childbirth any more

Really, don't worry about it, it's not worth worrying about x

[Stitchosaurus]

I am exactly the same as boomtown, just couldn't help but blurt it all out during the first year afterwards. Now I just say that I was very unlucky and I know plenty of people who had lovely births. I loved hearing all the horror stories while pregnant weirdly.

Also agree about the culture of silence - I don't want anyone to feel shit if they really struggled during labour like I did. I also told my mil and a friend off for not telling me what it's like, but they just laughed and said you've got no idea until you've done it!

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine, and it's all worth it once you've got your baby in your arms

[Cherryblossom200]

Thanks ladies. I just get the sense a lot of the ladies were telling their stories more to help 'heal' themselves of the trauma then to actually help me. I've seen one born every minute and other shows and see what can go wrong, plus read the books etc just wish at times women would keep their stories to
themselves at times. After I've given birth I don't think I would mind so much.

[DisneyDivaWoo]

I watched one born every minute when I was 40 weeks pregnant and I was so worried.....but I shouldn't have been because labour was a breeze compared to program. I. also watched YouTube videos that were more realistic. I had pain relief injections and gas and air so I was off my face too. Birth stings but I knew it wouldn't last forever and it pushed me through. My baby was 9lb5oz x

[purplemurple1]

I try to tell people my not horror story to balance the score a little.But I do think you should research your options if it doesn't go to plan so you know what you want.
So mine was waters went, ate a pizza, contractions started (less painful than period pain) went to hospital and got an epi, went om drip (this caused no extra pain), baby out in 3 pushes one stitch needed. No after pains, no problems with toilet visits.
I'm due number 2 in 3 weeks and people still feel the need to share their stories with me.

[Cherryblossom200]

I understand Stichosaurous, but at the same time not everyone does want to hear about birth horror stories. If I wanted to know I would ask, just people tell me all about it without thinking it might scare the living daylights out of me. They tend to only realise afterwards when my face seems to change from a nice rosy glow to white as a sheet!

[Wolfiefan]

I think it is selfish to tell a heavily pg woman your horror stories. I can understand wanting to share your story though.
FWIW DS lovely water birth 2 1/2 hours after I got to hospital. I think people who have lovely births often keep their stories to themselves. We are out here!

[PacificDogwood]

Nononono, don't prepare yourself for 'hell' - get as much information as you can, feel confident that You Can Do This and whatever happens you will have increased your chances of having a positive birth experience with memories that won't make you shudder.

What you are describing is a well known phenomenon: people are always happier to share their horrible experiences, not just regarding birth. And they lie too .

Fwiw, I had 4 very different births, from highly medicalised induction, via emCS at 31 weeks to VBAC 2x and, hand on heart, all of them are memories I treasure. I felt really well supported by my medical/midwifery team on each occasion and I am sure that made all the difference.

Labour pains are sore, but also amazing and IME required concentration and getting 'in to the zone' - if you've ever done any competitive sports you might recognise the feeling I mean.
Labour and delivery have been the single most exciting things I've done (and the high afterwards is something else…) and that includes sky diving and working in Africa.

Don't be scared.
Google 'positive birth stories', read some positive books. Keep an open mind about what might happen, but don't be fearful.
We live in a time and a place where we have the resources to have positive birth experiences and most women manage it with less support (that's what I told myself, anyway).

V best of luck to you when the time comes

[Cherryblossom200]

Thanks you are making me feel a lot better!

All I've heard is women nearly dying, babies nearly dying, hundreds of thousands of stitches, contractions which feel like hot pokers being shoved up your private bits...the list goes on. I have only heard one or two positive birth stories.

[idlevice]

Would it help if you asked them what could have made it better? Then you might learn something to help you prepare, if you can get into a constructive conversation about it.

DS1's birth was horrendous which I mainly attribute to him being in one of the most non-ideal positions (back to back) & also not getting an epidural when given syntocinon. I had done antenatal classes & am from a scientific background so I thought I'd done all the research & preparation but I still had no idea about how the position of the baby can affect labour & birth, & that there are strategies for attempting to get the baby in a favourable position. Plus I knew it is almost always better to have an epidural if given syntocinon as it can cause hyper-contractions which are pure torture. All this was corroborated post-birth reading many of the birth threads on MN.

I didn't really get to tell anyone my birth story with DS1 as I didn't get out & about til 6weeks after the birth and by then everyone at the mother & baby groups had been through all their stories & were fully occupied with comparing the demands of the babies. I don't tend to tell people in RL as I'm a private kind of person but I agree that some will subconsciously be using it to allay worries from their own experiences. Hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones that doesn't experience anything negative (I genuinely do think a lot of it simply depends on luck, eg as to how baby is positioned, who looks after you etc).

[higgle]

Just to say, OP, that I had two very straightforward births without too much pain and no problems. I didn't talk about it at the time because my friends who had babies at about the same time might have regarded it as bragging ( though you can't help how your birth turns out) or possibly I might have upset someone still waiting if she had a harder time. Maybe if you ask around you will find lots of people who haven't said anything who have very positive birth stories.

[ArchangelGallic]

I think people just don't think about the effect.

I had a textbook birth at home but it was still far more intense than I expected.

I would advise you to be informed about pain relief and choices and keep an open mind.

Good luck.

[AnneElliott]

I agree that people of this. They did to me. On the other hand, few people are interested in my 3 hour birth that took 2 pushes for DS to arrive.

I had it so easy we went to a friends's 40th birthday the day after!

[PacificDogwood]

You need this book

Or google Ina May Gaskin.

[GingerbreadPudding]

I'm 34 weeks and agree. I find it really horrible. I love birth stories - when I'm not gearing up for my own! Shocked people would even out gory birth stories on this thread! Part of my hypnobirthing sessions focuses on creating a bubble for yourself so all that negativity can't get to you.

[Mintyy]

I think it is unforgivable if people tell their birth horror stories to heavily pregnant women. There is no excuse for it whatsoever.

Presumably most pregnant women know that births can sometimes be complicated/very difficult/emergencies/fatal to baby and or mother.

They absolutely do not want to hear the horror stories! What is the point? All it will do is raise anxiety. There is usually no predicting who is going to have a straightforward birth or a horribly difficult one (I firmly believe it is 99% luck and no amount of positive thinking or whale music or hypnobirthing will make one jot of difference) so WHY frighten a woman who is preparing to give birth herself?

Horrible and selfish. Tell your birth stories to other people.

[buttercupbear]

My birth wasn't eventful (other than the fact I was having a baby)