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BFP after IVF anyone scared as I am?

(84 Posts)
whittlefish Sun 21-Dec-14 15:10:59

Recently got a BFP after first IVF and am so happy but was so prepared for failure I'm now a bit scared to get excited thinking something will go wrong. Anyone else going through the same?

naty1 Sun 21-Dec-14 17:08:44

Still scared at 11w after first scan. It doesnt ease until after the birth

TheScenicRoute Sun 21-Dec-14 17:32:38

I'm 30 weeks preggers with twins after my sixth and last ever attempt and 4&1/2 years TTC.

Get used to these nerves and worry, it's practice for the rest of your life, you'll never not worry about that little kidney bean again... You just get used to the worry and it becomes normal life in the end.

I won't stop worrying until they are both safely delivered and healthy (fingers crossed), but then I fully expect to worry about why they are crying, if the room is too hot, where the cat is if I have to leave them for a nano second, are they feeding enough etc etc.

Congratulations on your BFP. X

whittlefish Sun 21-Dec-14 17:39:49

Thanks ladies was starting to thinking I was being irrational. Every thinks you should be really excited and I am it's just such a long rollacoaster to get here it's hard to let the fear go

YesICanHearYouClemFandango Sun 21-Dec-14 17:41:40

Yup! I'm 29 weeks with my first and still don't really believe it, even though it's fairly obvious now! IVF and infertility really messes with your head. Completely normal though. Congratulations!

TheScenicRoute Sun 21-Dec-14 17:45:50

Although delighted when we got our BFP, we were also very subdued and didn't really go crazy or celebrate or get too excited, which took us by surprise. Very slowly we learned to trust the pregnancy. I still haven't bought a pram because I'm scared I won't come home with them both. Silly really as I have bought everything else. X

whittlefish Sun 21-Dec-14 17:58:31

It's horrible isn't it I'm hoping after the scan I will relax a bit. At least Christmas should help take my mind off it.

FeezerRay Sun 21-Dec-14 19:28:18

27 weeks preg after ivf. Like the others who have posted, still nervous, better now I feel kicks, but still nervous. I haven't brought baby gear either, feels like I could hex things.

WorryWurta Mon 22-Dec-14 11:05:37

28 weeks pregnant and almost crippled with anxiety. I'm a but different as I failed IVF and then had a very unlikely natural. I thought I would be the most relaxed pregnant lady in the world after everything but now I find myself missing infertility in a way, at least I knew the score then.

Rumplestrumpet Mon 22-Dec-14 12:29:45

Hiya Whittle smile

I'm with you on this. I didn't want to mention it on the IVF thread (don't want people to think I'm ungrateful for my BFP!) but I have been pretty terrified. I was so sure that I'd be happy, easy going, but instead it just didn't feel real for the first couple of weeks. I went to accupuncture and burst into tears with the poor woman, and realised I was just so terribly anxious and tense. I was terrified of losing the baby, and particularly of the thought of having to go through it all again.

My coping strategy was to take it one day at a time. Each day I was still pregnant (ie no AF) meant a reduction in the likelihood of miscarriage. So each day I felt a little bit better. And at 8 weeks I had a scan - I was really prepared for there to be no heartbeat, but it was there, strong and visible and we both cried. I saw some stats that said that once a heartbeat has been detected at 8 weeks the chance of miscarriage drops to around 2%, so that really reassured me.

It still didn't feel real, and last week I was worried because I've still had no symptoms. But then the last few days I've started showing, trousers are tight and I've had to throw a couple of my favourite dresses into the back of the cupboard. That has made me a bit more confident that there really is something growing in there.

Are you telling people about the pregnancy? I decided to tell my parents & sister early because I needed it to feel real. DH wasn't too keen but respected my decision, and I felt better having them to talk to. Seeing their excitement made me feel a bit more excited too, which was nice.

nutty123 Mon 22-Dec-14 14:17:39

I'm totally with you whittle and rumples
Even after my scan today, I still can't relax!!!

BatteryPoweredHen Mon 22-Dec-14 18:35:33

Yep, me too - also feel like I can't discuss it on the IVF thread...

I have my first scan tomorrow (will be 7+1) and am terrified. I so hope everything is as it should be as I am hoping to tell close family over Christmas.

Having massive waves of nausea and boobs huge and painful so trying to hang onto that as a positive smile

nutty123 Mon 22-Dec-14 18:44:58

good luck tomorrow hen
Your symptoms sound promising and when you see that heartbeat, you will melt!!

whittlefish Mon 22-Dec-14 19:49:24

Hi ladies lovely to see you all here. I started this thread for that very reason as didn't want to seem ungrateful for my BFP which I totally am and didn't want to divert from the others still going through it but I'm so scared. I want to be more excited and feel like a terrible person for not being but I was so convinced it would never work that it's all such a surprise and I can't stop worry something will take t away.

rumples have told the family that knew we were having IVF but not anyone else. I think not being able to say as well makes it all seem a bit less real. I know what you mean about other peoples excitement rubbing off as saw the inlaws at the weekend and it helped a little. I think I'll def try the positive every day is a good day if all is well thinking.

Good luck tomorrow hen mines next week and I'm hoping once we have it and everything is ok fx I'll relax a little. Let us know how it goes. I know what you mean about your boobs my are agony and def bigger can't touch them at all and I'm so exhausted all the time

whittlefish Tue 23-Dec-14 15:51:47

hen how did he scan go?

BatteryPoweredHen Tue 23-Dec-14 15:59:05

Hello!

Saw the bean, complete with little flickering heartbeat! Measuring exactly right for dates (to the day!).

Very relieved and looking forward to sharing the news over Christmas. Still taking it one day at a time though - there's a long way between here and actually having a baby in my arms...

How is everyone else doing?

Rumplestrumpet Tue 23-Dec-14 16:14:51

So glad all went well Hen - the heartbeat is amazing, isn't it? My heart melted at the sight (and seeing DH tear up too).

Despite seeming to have no symptoms so far (apart from outrageous indigestion, gas and bloating, which is awful), I've now realised that my breasts are pretty gigantic - bursting out of my D-cup! I went looking for bras the other day but here in France most shops seem to cater for, well, typical slim Frenchies, and there was almost nothing above a C! Going to a shop with maternity section next week, hoping it'll be better. Still, it's nice to have some signs of pregnancy. Oh, and my trousers are too tight, and a couple of dresses are clear no-nos for the next year or so, so I've sadly said goodbye to them (and DH said good riddance!).

I'm struggling a bit with the banned foods - I invested in some lovely blue cheese yesterday and my local organic food shop. They didn't have stilton, but I chose one that was with pasturised milk, so thought it would be ok. But when I got home DH convinced me it probably wasn't safe sad . Plus there are loads of oysters everywhere and I love them so much, but again, not allowed. Feeling a little sorry for myself on that front, but otherwise enjoying the seasonal cheer.

Is anyone else gearing up for the Downs testing? I'm not sure what it's called in the UK, but here you do a blood test and scan, and with the combined results they give you a likelihood of Downs, percentage or fraction (ie 1 in 1000, etc). I'm not really sure why we're doing it, as even if it said 100% chance we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy - we've waited so long for this little baby we'll love it whatever happens. Have you had thoughts on this? (sorry if it's very personal or upsetting for you - feel free to ignore!)

Right, off to buy some smoked salmon (one of my favourites which is thankfully not on the forbidden list!).

whittlefish Tue 23-Dec-14 17:52:11

Oh hen I so pleased for you I et you were so relieved to see the heartbeat must be amazing to think that's your baby.

I know what you mean about the banned foods rumples it's so hard over Christmas as well. At work today they had Buck's Fizz and I had to say no and make an excuse it's really hard keeping it quiet this time of year as can't eat certain food and can't drink. I must say I'm not a big drinker but will miss a few glasses on Christmas Day. Wouldn't change it for the world tho.

Did anyone else find it strange when you told the gp you are pregnant you suddenly when from 2 weeks in your head to like 5/6 weeks in theirs! Completely mental?!

whittlefish Fri 26-Dec-14 17:55:36

Has anyone else experienced cramping?

DRSLondon Fri 26-Dec-14 18:32:26

Yes i experienced cramping.

I'm at 28 weeks and I am still anxious!
My first ivf baby was lost at 21 weeks and now am pregs again. I think it is normal to worry after the struggle to get here. You're totally normal!
I just decided to accept the fact that I was going to be a bit of a nutter and set mini milestones rather than getting ahead of myself with due dates, future plans, names etc. I aimed for 12 weeks, then 16, etc. Now I aim for 30 and try not to think beyond then.
Good luck. Don't feel overwhelmed. Take it as it comes. Oh and congrats!!
You can read about my craziness at Www.wakeupsurvivesleep.com

whittlefish Fri 26-Dec-14 19:44:21

Thanks drs I'm just trying to take it all in chunks think I will relax a little when I have my early scan and see a heartbeat. I'm sorry to hear you lost your first but really pleased you nearly there with you second

Littlemisssunshine75 Fri 26-Dec-14 23:02:01

Hi Whittle, just wanted to say congrats and that things can turn out well after IVF. I was petrified when we got our BFP last year after lots of problems, and five rounds of IVF. I was absolutely not expecting to get a BFP, but despite the worry and anxiety all through the pregnancy our dd was born at full term and is perfect.
Good luck, and take things easy!

Pipbin Fri 26-Dec-14 23:11:02

Hi ladies, can I join you?
I'm 10 weeks after many years and 3 IVF.
I had a scan at 7 weeks and came up small but at 8 weeks all was good with a strong heartbeat.
Waiting for the 12 week now.

One thing the midwife told me is that as I'm getting progesterone support in the form of gestone injections my symptoms will most likely be less than in a regular pregnacy.

whittlefish Sat 27-Dec-14 09:49:40

Thanks little miss it's good to hear some happy stories. I think the problem with most message boards is that people use them to talk when things are going well or gone wrong for support which is great as that's exactly what I do but it's nice to hear so good news stories too smile

Of course pipbin welcome. I'm glad your scans went well I have my first one next week. Should be 7/8 weeks I think not sure still getting my head round that. Hopefully seeing a heartbeat will reassure me but can't stop worrying there will be nothing there. It's good to know about the lack of symptoms from the progesterone as apart from exhaustion and some cramping I don't feel much different. Although am starting to get some mild nausea now which I'm not loving.

Chattycat78 Sat 27-Dec-14 19:22:29

I totally empathise with this. I've been like this the whole pregnancy which was after our first IVF. I just couldn't believe that it worked, so I was convinced it was too good to be true. I've only recently started to calm down a bit (and I'm now 37.5 weeks) so I've been scared most of the time! I think when you do IVF you feel like the stakes are higher so are more scared of things going wrong. I'd already had a miscarriage last year (natural pg) so was even more aware of what can go wrong. I think you feel better as time goes on.

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