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miserable

(3 Posts)
fifiloulou Fri 19-Dec-14 10:22:18

I'm 15 weeks and experiencing the normal hormonal up and downs. I've cried at the slightest thing but for the past few days I feel worse than that. Just totally miserable. Normally I would look at each element of my life and remind myself how lucky I am but I just can't seem to shake it off. My main issue is work, where I feel I am being side lined out of a job I have enjoyed for years. The truth is I probably won't go back after maternity leave as the logistics make it difficult, but I still can't help feel its not fair. I really want to just say, sod it, who cares, I get paid well and can go home without worrying about it, but it just niggles away at me. Everything else is fine, my partner is wonderful, we're moving to a fantastic house, I have a supportive family, so I feel selfish for feeling like this, but it won't go. Anyone else feel like this?

CBo79 Fri 19-Dec-14 10:50:31

Hey, just to say you're not alone in feeling like this. And I wish more expectant mums would be honest about feeling like this! There's so much pressure to feel joyful and happy, but I too am discovering that is not the case.

Yes, objectively I know that I am lucky to be pregnant, especially when so many people are struggling to be. I also know I am lucky to be out of the initial miscarriage danger zone, and to have had a relatively sickness free pregnancy (so far). Like you, I have a supportive family and partner, and I’m lucky in that we have a great house in an excellent area for schools etc.

But pregnancy is a time of HUGE change and I think you can never overestimate that. Even though I’m only 14 weeks, I feel that people’s attitudes towards me are changing and becoming all about the baby. It sort of feels like it’s the biggest achievement I’ve ever done (according to others) and whilst it is of course a miracle, and I’m amazed every day at what my body is doing, I’m still thinking there’s so much more to me than my ability to grow another human!

I am struggling to come to terms with my changing social life, changing friendship scene (I definitely sense a distancing from certain friends which hurts) and am also worried about how it will affect my career. I’m planning on returning to work but as you say, the logistics make it hard. It will need to be part time and factor in the nursery time. My boss is nice but she’s very much about putting in 110%, and I just don’t think I will be the same me who is able to do that post-birth! Plus, the maternity pay in my job is not great, so that’s going to be a struggle.

Do you feel you’ve been side-lined at work since announcing your pregnancy? Are there any options open to you where you could freelance/return on a PT basis? I’m meeting with a HR rep in January to explore all my options.

I could go on…but please don’t think you are being selfish. Before I got pregnant, I’d hear some mums to be moaning about how being pregnant is, and I must admit, I was unsympathetic. I’d think ‘you’re so lucky, look at what you’ve got, how could you be happy!’ Well, karma has come to bite on that one smile Struggling with coming to terms with being pregnant should never be trivialised and it’s better to talk about it.

Good luck with it all – on the plus side, I’ve heard it gets better hmm xxx

thatsoccerchick Fri 19-Dec-14 16:42:57

Hi,
I am feeling very similar. I am almost 9 weeks but making it to 12-13 weeks is one of the last things on my mind. We have just moved into a house we waited a year for (house chain problems) and my husband and I built it up to be a perfect house. Yet, when we moved (after I knew I was pregnant) it just felt horrible, cold and decidedly not perfect. Everyone who has come to see it has raved about it, but all I could think is, it's not our home. I'm starting to feel better about it now, largely due to some new furniture being delivered, unpacking going slowly but surely, and my MIL not being nearly as present in our lives as she was for the past 6+ months.

I am unsatisfied with work at the moment as well and struggling to feel any sense of purpose. All of this, coupled with the huge change of being pregnant, has really thrown me for a loop. I have not dealt well with the morning sickness and fatigue and have been less than an equal partner to my husband over the past 2 months.

Our parents are so excited about the baby, but all I can think about is how I'm going to change, how my life will change and how scared I am, both about delivery and afterwards, though more afterwards and as much as I wanted a baby before I got pregnant, I'm finding it hard to be excited about anything while I'm feeling so down.

That said, I finally had a talk with my husband last night (with lots of tears) and spoke to him about all the things I'm worried about and how I have been feeling. I know he can't understand the physical or even emotional parts of being pregnant, but it was so good to talk about how I feel without any judgement or comment. It also made me realise just how much I had been bottling up. It hasn't made the feelings go away, but I just feel so much lighter today than I have in the past 2 months.

So hopefully you have someone you can talk to honestly. Otherwise (although I'm new to MN) it seems like this is a really good place to vent those sorts of feelings. And I'm hoping just as much as you are that things get better. Look forward to hearing how everything goes with you.

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