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Wanting to BF but scared it will feel sexual,am I alone in this intrusive thought?

(54 Posts)
TheScenicRoute Sat 13-Dec-14 22:29:00

Does anyone else worry about this?
Someone please reassure me this is purely an intrusive thought.
I can't stand the idea of sexualised and mothering feelings getting mixed up.

cuppateaandtoast Sat 13-Dec-14 22:32:08

Never worried me. I can assure you it won't !

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Sat 13-Dec-14 22:33:04

I have never worried about this personally, but I think it's quite a common worry. We're very strongly socialised to see breasts as sexual, not nurturing.

My experience, across three children, is not of it feeling this way at all. I think it's an intrusive thought.

Put it this way, the great thing about bfing is you can stop at any time. If you start, and don't like it, stop. Problem solved smile

CountingThePennies Sat 13-Dec-14 22:34:05

This is why i never breastfed. My boobs are used alot sexually and i was worried about feeling sexual if they were sucked by a baby rather than my husband!

itssangriaoclock Sat 13-Dec-14 22:36:56

Know exactly what you mean scenticroute. I just worry bout the same thing, as it's a sexual pleasure I really like enjoy etc.

But I can completely reassure you that it is completely different no arousal at all. Just an immense feeling of closeness love and pride. That you are feeding your baby they are thriving because what you are doing.

Also just to add, once you stop feeding the sexual feeling is the same as before with your dp/dh.

Orangedaisy Sat 13-Dec-14 22:36:58

Trust me, when you are sat in a hospital bed with your biggest pants on and a midwife massaging your boobs to get the colostrum out and suck it up with a syringe, you won't feel remotely sexual! Then when the baby laps it up like it's gold dust your heart will melt. Good luck xx

FATEdestiny Sat 13-Dec-14 22:39:34

You'll be too exhausted/over whelmed to think or feel anything else.

carbolicsoaprocked Sat 13-Dec-14 22:40:56

I'm sure it'll just be an intrusive thought which will be lost when you actually try it. Currently expecting DC1 so no experience myself yet, but from my friends' experiences it sounds pretty far from sexualised - it just hurt for them! If you're seriously worried about it though, speak to your midwife, I'm sure he/she'll have heard it before.

EmbarrassedPossessed Sat 13-Dec-14 22:44:03

I think that going over the same thought (like this one) is not useful. If you want to breastfeed, then try it and see what you think. If you feel uncomfortable then you don't have to carry on. Fortunately in the UK formula feeding is not very risky at all and also socially normal as very few babies are fully breastfed for very long.

In my own experience, there was nothing slightly sexualised about the experience of feeding. After labour and delivery you are totally removed from that aspect of your existence! It felt normal and instinctive to feed my baby.

One thing I've read on the discussions here is the point that various other parts of our bodies have dual uses. Hands, mouths etc are all used sexually as well as for their primary purpose. Maybe try and view breasts as being in that category and not primarily for sexual purposes.

OliviaRinHerts Sat 13-Dec-14 22:47:08

I can't correctly articulate how it feels to breastfeed and it not feel anything but totally right and natural - it is the most amazing experience. I really struggled initially so do persevere as it does get easier and so worthwhile. Ds is four months and I was planning on breast feeding him for 6 months but I can't see myself stopping at that point.

Also note the post from orange daisy - they sucked up my colostrum to feed ds and I wished I had known that could happen in advance (never read that in the books) as it was not how I imagined I would feed my son for the first few days.

Good luck with the birth

Cleio Sat 13-Dec-14 22:47:12

I think it is an intrusive thought that comes from breasts being overly sexualised in our society now.

When you're actually feeding a baby there's nothing sexual about it. In my experience, having fed two, it just felt natural. It was what my body was designed to do.

Don't worry about it. It's not an uncommon worry while pregnant the first time, but once baby is there you won't even remember.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein Sat 13-Dec-14 22:48:05

Yes I did worry about it beforehand, I think (hard to remember). What I can say is that during the 2 years I bf I just thought of my breasts solely for that purpose. Worked for me. As soon as I stopped bf they changed back to their original purpose wink

Purpleroxy Sat 13-Dec-14 22:52:43

It's all hormones. The lactation hormones will prevent you from feeling anything sexual when the baby is sucking. You will want to protect and nurture the baby - nature has set stuff up correctly in general!

ASAS Sat 13-Dec-14 22:53:35

I'll echo Orangedaisy, potentially the only thing less sexy than breastfeeding is the post feed application of nipple cream.

If you fancy it give it a try and see for yourself how you feel.

MinceSpy Sat 13-Dec-14 22:57:33

BF is in no way 'sexy'.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Sat 13-Dec-14 22:58:27

See I would disagree with some people. I think your breasts can feel sexy at some times and be used for feeding at others. I don't think that side of things needs to be 'on hold'. I mean, men manage to pee using their penis many times a day and still think of it as sexual.

TheScenicRoute Sat 13-Dec-14 23:00:46

I have every intention of breast feeding, above all else with twins it will be cheaper! But besides that it is what I have always imagined. I hope I am one of the lucky women who do manage it. It would be confused by unwanted feelings but would still perserve. Thanks for reassuring me ladies.

TheScenicRoute Sat 13-Dec-14 23:03:30

That should have said 'I would be confused' not ,it would be'

SinisterBuggyMonth Sat 13-Dec-14 23:03:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cleio Sat 13-Dec-14 23:03:48

Penguins, that is true. The actual feeding had, at least for me, nothing sexual about it. However, breasts were not forgotten once sexy times resumed with DH once things had otherwise settled down but I was still feeding the baby. DD2 was conceived while I was still feeding her big sister after all grin

AnythingNotEverything Sat 13-Dec-14 23:06:33

The act is very different too - a baby isn't sucking on your nipple. That gets very very sore very quickly. Your nipple is further back, on the roof of their mouth and they use their tongue to push the underside to get the milk out. (I'm 14 months in and this is how I understand it, anyway!)

And unlike others, I'm both bf and using my boobs for sexy fun. It's fine. Not at the same time obviously. I was worried they'd be ruined or desensitised or something, but they're just grand.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein Sat 13-Dec-14 23:08:47

penguins I totally agree, I think for most women the sex side of things needn't be on hold at all. It was just what worked for me.

WingsClipped Sat 13-Dec-14 23:20:15

Hands, mouths etc are all used sexually as well as for their primary purpose. Maybe try and view breasts as being in that category and not primarily for sexual purposes.

This. Does it feel the same when you give your mum a peck on the cheek using your mouth vs. kissing your OH passionately? Breasts can be sexual but so can many, many other parts of your body. It is a common worry but believe me, when you are waking up at 3am to feed the VERY last thing on your mind while that baby is snuggling up to you will be sex.

And also, my boobs were not left out during sex although there was that one time when DH was squeezing them (braless) in the throes of passion and got squirted in the face grin it was HILARIOUS

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue Sun 14-Dec-14 02:17:41

Also - and without wanting to out you off breastfeeding for a whole different reason! - bfing is a learnt skill and not usually easy from the get go , so chances are at the beginning you'll be trying to work it all out and biting your lip only to cope with the sudden ouch of feeding from a cracked nipple. Not sexy!

I had this concern first time but it turned out to be a non issue. At first it was mostly just hard work but after a few weeks it turned out to be a mothering and nurturing thing that was great. Just as I kiss my ds or my mum very differently from how I'd kiss my dh, it's a very different thing.

And if it is still an issue for you after you've given it a shot, there is nothing so bad about fling - so long as the baby gets fed, all is good!

Congratulations on your impending arrival smile

ravenAK Sun 14-Dec-14 02:38:59

Totally different hormones/sensations going on! I honestly can't imagine the two things conflicting.

But as PPs have said, the thing to bear in mind is that you can always stop bf'ing if it doesn't feel like something you want to be doing...whereas if you don't try to establish it, you can't then go back.

I was very ambivalent about the whole bf thing. Not so much because I worried about sexual sensations, as because of the perception that it's difficult, painful, etc.

Very glad I gave it a go, as I was lucky enough that each of mine simply lunged at me & attached (in the interests of not being smug, I'm completely crap at being pregnant & giving birth).

I'd not dwell on the thought. Assume it won't be any kind of issue, & if you do find it troubling, you can always switch.

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