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Paranoid about stillbirth

(14 Posts)
BigCatFace Fri 12-Dec-14 21:12:39

Is anyone else constantly worrying about stillbirth? I'm nearly 31 weeks now and starting to really worry. I have an anterior placenta and although I feel things, some days they're strongish and some days not, and I know an anterior placenta might make it harder to detect movement. Today they're having a quiet day and freaking me out.

I'm still too scared to buy anything for the baby but accepting the second hand stuff people are giving us, though asking my DH to put it in a cupboard. I'm trying not to get too attached in case anything goes wrong. I don't want to bond and I tend to cut short conversations with my DH about things because I feel like it's assuming I'll have a baby. I'm with King's, and I know they're good at picking up problems, and I saw the babe 2 days ago and they were fine. But I guess I have risk factors- I smoked while pregnant (2-3 every other day), I'm overweight. But nothing else- no GD, pre eclampsia, high placenta, no bleeding at all or anything.

It seems so cruel, it is something I don't think I could mentally recover from. I'm starting to look properly pregnant now, people are commenting, asking questions. I'm going away for Christmas and it's a 14 hour journey to get home, I am petrified something is going to happen and I'm going to be in the middle of the Irish sea losing it sad

callamia Fri 12-Dec-14 21:35:46

I was like you. One if my friends had suffered a stillbirth the year before, with no discernable cause, and I felt just like you.

The thing I found most helpful was yoga. I took those breathing exercises and used them through my insomnia. It helped.

I ended up having three checks due to what I thought were reduced movement, but there was no issue - just my massive anxiety I think. No one made me feel silly for going in for a check.

I think it's important to be aware of movement etc, but to be as rational as possible. Being positive and starting to buy things will not 'curse' your pregnancy. Perhaps in the next few weeks, you can start buying odd things, thinking about a name and start to feel a bit excited. It's going to happen! Good luck!

Babyleopard23 Sat 13-Dec-14 05:29:25

I don't have any great advice as it's not something I have ever been through or ever really thought about until this week.
I am 36 weeks with first DC and a friend who was a few weeks behind me unfortunately suffered the stillbirth of her little girl last week. I can't imagine the pain.
I can't stop thinking about it now and find myself panicking if my little one isn't constantly moving around.
All I can say is try not to stress about it and try and enjoy your pregnancy as hard as that can be. flowers

leanne963 Sat 13-Dec-14 12:13:06

I suffer from anxiety anyway and this pregnancy has been one massive worry. I miscarried in June at around 11 weeks so the first trimester of this pregnancy was a struggle and ended up paying for 3 private scans to reassure myself.
Now all I am concerned about is actually having a healthy pregnancy. I follow Count the Kicks on facebook and read some heartbreaking stories about still birth and now it is all I caneed think of.
What if my cervix doesn't work? What if I have pre eclampsia? What if I have a dodgy placenta and should take asperin?! I have these thoughts going through my mind all day and I know I am worrying about stuff I can not prevent. I have my final year of University too and I just feel a bit overwhelmed .
Found out we are having a girl yesterday but like you I am scared to bond and give her a name. I just want her in my arms. May the 24th can not come soon enough!!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 13-Dec-14 12:36:11

If you can be logical about it, not bonding with your baby would not save you from heartache if something did go wrong. You can't protect yourself against being hurt. It's very unlikely that anything will go seriously wrong. If your anxiety is becoming unmanageable it might be worth talking to a professional about it.

leanne963 Sat 13-Dec-14 13:03:20

You are right testing I maybe should talk to my midwife. Can't worry like this all the time!

rubyboo2 Sat 13-Dec-14 13:34:28

Hi Op I like you am 31 wks and have an anterior placenta plus i have extra fluid . So I understand when baby has a lazy day it freaks me out . I usually feel him moving on my sides rather than the front .
If in doubt get checked out I did last week , they are more than happy to double check .
Just think how fast these weeks have gone since finding out not too many more and baby will be here . Just because you think something terrrible will happen doesnt mean it will , speak to your midwife she may have some ideas to help reduce your anxiety levels. xx

MontserratCaballe Sat 13-Dec-14 13:40:40

Poor you, OP. A level of anxiety is normal, esp with your first baby, but reassure yourself the chances of a problem are remote.

Keep counting the kicks and if in any doubt, go to get checked. You can pitch up at any hospital seeing reassurance (I did when I was at my folks and DC2 went terribly still for about 3 hours) and you will be well looked after.

Plenty of overweight women have babies happily and safely as do many smokers - try not to let this weigh heavily on you as well.

I agree that speaking to your MW in London is the next logical step in any event as she will have seen similar women many times. She can refer you on if necessary.

Sending you my best wishes flowers

blondez Sat 13-Dec-14 17:08:33

No advice, but just wanted to say I'm in exactly the same situation as you, 31 weeks and anterior placenta. Hate the days when he's quiet, it sends me into anxiety overload and all I think and worry about are his movements. Feel like it's beginning to take over my life tbh and on the quiet days feel like I can't do anything as have to rest laying down to feel something. I Unfortunately had a still birth earlier this year and lost my little girl at 30 weeks with no cause so understandably on edge at the moment and will be until this ones here. sad

SirChenjin Sat 13-Dec-14 17:53:15

I've got DCs and worried about this constantly through each pregnancy. I think it's only natural to worry - as soon as you see that blue line your baby becomes the most precious thing in the world, and the thought of losing it, especially at the end of your pregnancy, is terrifying.

If you feel movements decreasing then definitely call your midwife or the Early Pregnancy Unit - they will be able to check everything is OK, and are used to supporting worried women. Even if you feel the anxiety is getting out of control it might still be worth contacting your MW.

My DC are 17, 15 and 7 - and I never stop worrying about them. The eldest is now learning to drive, and has been getting lifts from friends who can already drive. That's a whole new set of worries...

dunkinhobnobs Sat 13-Dec-14 18:22:12

I am currently 25 weeks with dd1 and sadly lost dd3 to unexplained stillbirth 14 months ago.
I obviously understand your concerns and am spending this pregnancy completely paranoid too.
I really wanted to say please try to enjoy your pregnancy as best you can. In life after stillbirth I can honestly say I know that buying lots and preparing the nursery did not cause me to lose my baby boy. Also, altho I will be less prepared this time, my Son still needed a teddy, blanket and clothes so I will be going out and letting myself enjoy choosing those things in the new year.
I hope my post hasnt made you feel worse. Thats not what I intended.
My advice would be if in ANY doubt, take yourself to hospital and get checked. They may make you feel neurotic but I personally would rather that than regret.

Dogsmom Sat 13-Dec-14 22:41:51

I'm another who is paranoid too as I also know someone who had a stillbirth two days before her due date.

I.also keep an emotional distance as a form of self protection but you must keep reminding yourself that yes it can happen however the odds of having a healthy baby are huge in comparison, you are much, much more likely to not have it happen.
It's the first of a million things you will worry about, once they are here you will worry about cot death then when you wean it will be choking, when they walk you'll worry about them falling and hitting heir head, when they go to school you'll worry about bullying and when they're teens you'll worry about them being safe on a night out!

Welcome to parenthood!! grin

ChickenMe Sun 14-Dec-14 12:11:35

Hi I'm 24w. I get anxious too as I had bleeding at the beginning and then heavy bleeding at 14w (just when I thought it was safe) which they called a threatened miscarriage. We had just bought a toy rabbit for the baby and I thought I had cursed it and OH was ordered to hide the rabbit. Since then I check every day for blood but am trying to be calm.

I'm so sorry to all who have had stillbirths and miscarriages.

I have been keeping a journal of the babys movements. Would that help? I also say a prayer every night and I bought a lucky toy black cat which I put some rosary beads on. Holding that makes me feel better.

I have realised that buying a few things won't curse it but I can't go wild like some people on my FB who haven't even had their first scan yet and have publicly named the baby.shock

harrowgreen Sun 14-Dec-14 12:49:00

A few things

1) Without sounding condescending, welcome to parenthood. You will always be worried about your child in some way. Worried about stillbirth, worried about development, worried about horrible diseases or accidents. It's normal.

2) How did you get through the worry of first tri (when your risks are hugely more)? Can you adopt some of that attitude?

3) Practically, I would advise trying to shield yourself from anything pregnancy related - stay off sites like this, don't buy the magazines etc. Sites like this generally are full of bad news (disproportionately so) and remind you of all the bad things that could happen (but which are very unlikely to). Pgs #1 and #2 I spent hours on these sites and freaked myself out daily. This pg I've avoided them a lot more and have felt so much calmer.

4) Count the kicks. That gives you control.

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