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Father away for birth

(14 Posts)
expectantmum79 Fri 12-Dec-14 12:14:23

My DH is making plans to visit his daughter who lives abroad and whom he sees every 2 months approximately. On the dates he is looking at I'll have 2 weeks till my expected due date. He's seen his daughter this week so whilst it's Christmas and I do sympathise that they're keen to see one another again, It seems a little insensitive when the baby could arrive anytime. Has anyone else been in this position? I'm so upset.

Bondy83 Fri 12-Dec-14 12:50:50

How far away will he be? Will it be easy enough for him to catch a flight home if your labour does start? Chances of you going 2 weeks early are slim. He's probably going at that time to avoid leaving you with a newborn baby if he goes at a later date. It's obviously a difficult situation for all parties but remember his daughter is just as important to him as this baby will be and he probably doesn't want his daughter to feel any less special to him or pushed out by the new baby.

Zahrah5 Fri 12-Dec-14 13:40:44

I think it is a bit insensitive. You will be huge at this time and might need help, assistance with common tasks, like picking up heavy stuff, putting on shoes, getting in and out of shower/bath.

Of course it all depends on how long he is planing to be gone, is it 24hrs or longer and whether there is someone else who can stay with you?

I would not want to be left alone at this vulnerable stage. My husband is also considering to travel 3 months before my date but in that case I would want my mom to travel here to stay with me. I would not mind him gone for a bit, but I would just not want to be left alone.

marne2 Fri 12-Dec-14 13:49:27

Why can't his daughter come to you? I would be annoyed too.

silverandblack Fri 12-Dec-14 13:55:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrangeGlue Fri 12-Dec-14 13:59:06

I am 38 weeks with dc 2 and dh has been abroad wed-fri this week. We agreed together and he was happy for me to say no.

You do run the risk but could he get back if labour started?

How long is he away for?

Can his dd come to you instead?

Mammanat222 Fri 12-Dec-14 14:55:47

Agree that I wouldn't want my OH away that close to EDD but there are many factors at play here.

How old is child? Is your partner overcompensating because of new baby coming? Could daughter come to you? How far away will he be?

expectantmum79 Fri 12-Dec-14 16:10:08

Hello and thanks for responses, there are only 2 flights a week from our local airport and he'd probably miss it completely (he's going for 4 days) daughter can't come to us as she's only 6, she would need escorting and you can't go back on the flight you've come on. I'm more upset that DH hasn't told me his plans (I found a message between him and his DD's mum). She said: "after your baby?" And he said "no before" so he must know ill be upset. Thanks to all of you.xx

WhyOWhyWouldYou Fri 12-Dec-14 16:28:22

Tbh I think he's saying before baby to be kind to you and make sure he won't be away from his new baby.

Maybe ask him to go at 37weeks - the chances of you labouring then, with your first are very very small - the vast majority of first time mothers will go overdue.

Its very unusual circumstances. His other child is important too and he won't want her to feel pushed aside.

expectantmum79 Fri 12-Dec-14 19:27:56

It's not my first.

MultipleMama Fri 12-Dec-14 19:31:55

I'd rather my DH go before than after when I'm looking after a newborn and needing the extra help. It's only 4 days. His DD deserves her time with her dad before the new baby takes over for awhile. He may want to go now so he can talk to her i.e next time he visits she'll have a brother. It makes sense to go before. Although he should have talked to you about it first but I can see why he wouldn't as it seems kind of a no brainer.

MultipleMama Fri 12-Dec-14 19:32:44

Brother or sister. No idea where I got brother from!

CocobearSqueeze Fri 12-Dec-14 23:40:56

DH travels with work every week - sometimes he's in 3-4 different countries. I'm 37 weeks and he's been away parts of this week, he's going again this weekend and on Monday - I'm scheduled for a C section only 10 days away.

I would let him go. He should communicate with you though. Better to have him around after the baby is born

browneyedgirly Sat 13-Dec-14 09:10:43

That's a difficult situation and I understand how you feel especially as he wasn't open with you. TBH that's probably because he knows it's far from ideal and wasn't sure how to broach it with you. I agree with other posters that a) much better he's fitting in a visit before you have the baby, and b) that he is still making time for his daughter - I'd say that's a sign of a good dad so sounds like you've actually got a really good one there!

Hope it all goes well and you're nicely on time and he's back with you smile

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