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What do you say to people who ask if you're pregnant before you're ready to tell?

(29 Posts)
MollyWhuppie Sun 30-Nov-14 07:16:54

So, I went out for dinner a few days ago with friends and it was pretty impossible to hide the fact I wasn't drinking. I did drink a little - nursed a drink, took drink to the loo and left it etc however two friends thought it was ok to outright ask if I was pregnant.

I'm only six weeks pg and I certainly did not feel ready to announce it then and there to the whole table so I lied and said no.

The thing is, with my last pregnancy I told these same friends early to avoid having to lie in these situations, but a couple of them decided to blab and basically a few friends in our wider circle were congratulating me on my pregnancy at 8 weeks! I was really annoyed that they thought it was ok to share my news with people who were also our friends before we had ourselves, and well before 12 weeks.

So this time I'm not telling, but finding it really hard having to lie.

Any tips?? (Probably a bit late now as I suppose they have all guessed, but I'm still not prepared to confirm at this point!)

makeitabetterplace Sun 30-Nov-14 07:19:29

If you don't want them to know, just say no. You can always say you got cystitis and are on antibiotics - both good reasons for not drinking alcohol.

ProfessorPickles Sun 30-Nov-14 07:20:41

I think if it was me I'd look embarrassed and say "no why? Have I put weight on?" And look at my stomach whilst looking concerned.

That's my only idea grin

BikeRunSki Sun 30-Nov-14 07:25:03

I think this is a situation where you can lie. And drive a lot!

MollyWhuppie Sun 30-Nov-14 07:26:00

grin professor My friends are pretty blunt and likely to say no, but your boobs look massive and you're not drinking!

I'm such a rubbish liar but I think I'm just going to have to brazen it out, and let them think what they like until I'm ready to spill the beans!

PenelopeChipShop Sun 30-Nov-14 07:29:35

I would just say no! People will forgive lying in this situation, and at any rate your white lie is no worse than their nosy question! Congratulations btw!

Peedie Sun 30-Nov-14 07:42:41

You just say no. I would have had no problem lying to anyone who was rude enough to ask outright.

My lovely SIL did end up sort of asking me the day before my 12wk scan with DC2 because she said she was selling her double buggy unless I wanted it and I kind of choked and went a bit red and she just laughed but that was ok.

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Sun 30-Nov-14 07:46:04

Antibiotics
Cystitis
Putting weight on

Easy

MaryWestmacott Sun 30-Nov-14 07:51:13

I've done the "do you think I look pregnant?" Thing - when they said "no but your not drinking" I didn't answer that, I said "stop digging, you just called me fat! I have actually gained a bit of weight, and after having dc1, it just goes straight to my stomach. Are you sure I don't look pregnant?" (If you can look a bit upset, even better, add in a "not ordering anything too calorific, xxxx here says I look pregnant."

Don't answer the not drinking as on antibiotics, that always sounds like a lie, either drive or say "just not feeling 100%, didn't want to cancel though."

MollyWhuppie Sun 30-Nov-14 07:59:06

The thing I don't get is that people think you're going to sit there and say yes in front of 16 people just because they've asked!

Clearly if you are and haven't said it's because it's just to early say yet, and you don't want to!

TheScenicRoute Sun 30-Nov-14 09:17:50

I had this with the cleaner at work of all people. I looked upset and said 'great, so I look fat then?' Which mortified her. I was quite aggressive about it actually because it was a high risk pregnancy and I was prepared to hide it no matter what I had to do. Although I suspect loads of people knew at least they were now to terrified to ask me. The only problem was I ruined my rapport with that cleaner ( not that I'm bother as im still angry and felt she needed teaching a lesson) but when I announced it to everyone else who knew about the first incident, every body sat there wide eyed and terrified to say anything! I had to announce it twice and then say... I'm not kidding!!?

avocadotoast Sun 30-Nov-14 10:10:31

I only had one person ask, and I didn't mind her knowing anyway, so I told her. I'm a terrible liar though, so I don't know what I'd have done if anyone else asked!

blankfornames Sun 30-Nov-14 10:11:23

Molly, I feel your pain. I think it's darned right rude off people to ask. Obviously it's a known fact that people like to keep it until after 12 weeks to share the news and no-one should be forced into telling it earlier than that. Having said that, my SIL did ask me straight out. She knew by my reaction that I was even though I denied it.
If they blabbed before, they'll do it again. It's your news to share..not theirs. As Professor said, turn it back on them and put out down to putting on weight.
Congratulations btw!!

magpiegin Sun 30-Nov-14 10:16:26

It's so rude to ask. I remember a few years back a friend came to a party at mine and nursed one glass of wine all night. She was obviously pregnant but I just ignored and waited for the announcement a few weeks later.

MollyWhuppie Sun 30-Nov-14 10:28:48

I agree it's fine to suspect and wait for the announcement, but I feel like with my friends they just want to be the ones that know before anyone else!

Also just found out that another of my friends collared my DH and asked him when I was going to tell her I was pregnant! He is a better blagger than me and just said, "well, she would have to tell me first!"

Talk about pushy. I'm fuming!

NomorepepperpigPLEASE Sun 30-Nov-14 10:30:00

I've actually been asked when I was due. I wasn't even pregnant.

PotatoesPastaAndBread Sun 30-Nov-14 10:32:43

It is rude of ppl to ask, and insensitive because it puts you in an awkward position.

It's fine if you want to lie, but again that's putting you in an awkward position.

I would try to put the emphasis/attention back onto them without saying yes or no...
"Gosh I thought this dress made me look fat, is it really that bad? "
"Thanks a bunch, do I look pregnant? "
"Wow! That's a personal question! "
"I was reading about how much people really drink and I thought I'd cut down a bit before Christmas - how many units do you you drink in a week?"

stubbornstains Sun 30-Nov-14 10:36:31

I believe I have found the failsafe "not drinking" excuse. Simply say you're having the month off booze because you were worried about your alcohol consumption creeping up, and then launch into a long, pointed lecture about how "we" all drink too much. Lay it on thick with stats about the growing incidence of liver disease in women, wine being the middle class vice (assuming you could call yourself middle class), how you shouldn't be drinking like a 20 year old as you get older (assuming you are older!), etc.etc.etc.

Works like a dream. Prepare yourself for the round of apologies for acting like a po faced killjoy after the Announcement (assuming you have any friends left by then, that is) wink.

stubbornstains Sun 30-Nov-14 10:37:38

(x posted with PPB smile).

Catypillar Sun 30-Nov-14 11:21:51

I'm 11+3 and not wanting to tell people before I have a scan and see there's an actual baby in there... I've been quite nauseated and tired but because I've got bipolar disorder and get depressive episodes quite often my colleagues have assumed I'm depressed (they're so lovely, some of the nurses keep coming into my office and telling me they're always there if I need someone to talk to!) one lady did ask how far on I am when I said I was behind with writing the exam questions because I've not been well but I just said "that's not a baby bump, I've had to change my medication recently and I've been eating more than usual" technically it's not a baby bump as I can't feel a fundal height and it is all fat, I did change my medication but that's because I'm pregnant, and I'm eating more because I have to eat constantly to keep the nausea away not because of the medication... I don't like lying and managed to get away with not actually lying... My mum bought Brie the other week and I usually eat loads of that, but got away with it by suggesting we made toasties under the grill, ok to eat it when it was cooked. At least I don't drink anyway so don't have that to bother about! I like the idea of saying you're having a month off alcohol, loads of people do that anyway.

GentlyGentlyOhDear Sun 30-Nov-14 13:11:03

I'm not a big drinker, so thankfully that never 'outs' me.
I'm 7 weeks pregnant and had a friend text last week - I haven't seen her for weeks as she's been ill - saying she'd had a premonition and knows I'm pregnant!! No idea where it came from, but I just laughed it off saying she must have been on some funny medication or something.

A similar thing happened with a different friend the last time I was pregnant who said she'd had a dream that I was having another one, but sadly that ended in a missed miscarriage so there's no way I'm admitting anything to anyone until well after the scan this time.

Orangedaisy Sun 30-Nov-14 13:15:41

A few of my friends knew I was trying so when I had to go on a hen do the day after my BFP I told them that I had decided to stop drinking as it increased my chances of getting pregnant. It wasn't a lie and they all, apparently, believed me. I apologised for not being entirely honest when I shared the news at 16 weeks, they all understood. So I didn't get to the stage of people asking as I had preempted the question. They probably speculated but no issue with that. Congrats on your pregnancy x

divingoffthebalcony Sun 30-Nov-14 13:23:56

It's so rude to ask! I believe anyone would do that. It's so insensitive and idiotic because you have no idea of a person's circumstances.

I had a work colleague who was obviously pregnant, but she hadn't said anything so no one commented on it. We were taken aside shortly afterwards by our manager to say that her baby had a condition incompatible with life, but she'd chosen to carry on with the pregnancy, and obviously didn't want to talk about it. Her baby was still born about six weeks later.

DanyStormborn Sun 30-Nov-14 14:05:15

I just said no I'm not when challenged but made sure not to sound angry. When I announced those people said I lied but with a smile on their face, I said matter of factly yes it was my right to and no harm was done to said friendships.

CursiveLetters Sun 30-Nov-14 18:15:15

I liked to say "I hope so!"

Or say "we're trying" as that can explain the not drinking

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