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When & how to tell the parents I'm pregnant? 5weeks good time to tell?

(34 Posts)
Rish55 Sat 29-Nov-14 10:37:50

Hello lovely people,

Need some advice again.

I'm 5weeks pregnant today, only found out this week were pregnant.

First baby for us, also first grandchild to my parents & my mil. First Great Grand child to my grandparents.

I wanted to know weather it's a good time to tell? Or should we wait until we've had a scan (10-14wks scan)

Any suggestions on how to tell them?

Very nervous!!

Thank you in advance xx

JeffreyGartnerEatsWell Sat 29-Nov-14 10:40:11

wait. forget about being pregnant if you possibly can, it's going to be a long nine months for everybody if you tell them this soon

Rish55 Sat 29-Nov-14 10:43:32

Thanks hun

That's what my husband is saying. He says to wait for at least our dating scan & then tell them.

Me being me I'm just over excited & need to get it out of my system lol x

Hellohellohowareyou Sat 29-Nov-14 10:50:08

We have told our parents early on both times, firstly they would have easily guessed as I was so sick/not drinking and secondly I would value their help and support with things should we need it if anything went wrong x

The only thing is whether you can trust them not to tell anyone else grin

Oh and most importantly CONGRATULATIONS flowers

The first time I was pregnant I told my sisters at 6 weeks when I found out, it was a shock to me and both of them were pregnant at the same time so I thought I would be able to get some advise-wrong!

This time, I waited till after the first scan.. TBH, the pregnancy now seems less drawn out that we waited that long to tell people, they are still excited, its not "old" news at this point.

Tell when you are ready. I am superstitious about the whole dont tell till 12 weeks business but thats my choice. I also know how hard it is to keep some thing like this to yourself!

I told everyone as soon as I found out with all of mine. There's no way I could have waited until a scan to tell my parents smile For me it was a good thing, I had problems soon after and was in and out of EPAU and it was nice to get hugs and support. Apart from that I'm also one of those people that gets morning sickness from week 3, it tends to be pretty obvious what's up!

Actually I had 3 people tell me I was pregnant with DS2 (unplanned) before I thought to take a test, I just thought it was a bug as there was no way I could be pregnant. They were right, I was very wrong.

Artandco Sat 29-Nov-14 11:04:13

I waited until 20 ish weeks both times.

I knew my parents and dhs would both constantly talk about it and call hundred times a day once they found out so figured it was better

It was really nice actually as then just dh and I could get used to it a while, and it seemed to go much quicker

Artandco Sat 29-Nov-14 11:04:56

Oh but we don't like close to family either so it's not like they would see me often and notice

EverythingsRunningAway Sat 29-Nov-14 11:09:06

It depends on you, and your relationship with your parents.

I told mine at 5 weeks, because I wanted them to know. I would have wanted their support if I had had a MC, so there was no downside for me - just people to share excitement and understand.

Congratulations flowers

You're the one who's pregnant, so really it's up to you who you tell and when.

Don't struggle through a lonely first trimester because your husband doesn't want you to tell anyone.

evelynj Sat 29-Nov-14 11:12:56

I'd wait if you can, it's a long wait until the scan but it's so early & makes it harder if something goes wrong & there was a lot of happy chat about it beforehand-if you do need to tell them, if you have v bad morning sickness I'd say not to talk too much about it until scan seems ok. Miscarriage is very common, 1 in 4 or 5 pregnancies & very painful when it happens. Sorry if that seems harsh, just that I didn't know how common it was in my 1st pregnancy. The good news is that more pregnancies are fine than not, just try not to assume everything will be good, though I hope it is. Good luck & many congratulations

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 29-Nov-14 11:26:45

I waited until my scan to tell. I couldn't feel properly excited and optimistic until I had seen a healthy baby on a screen.

It's obviously to you, everybody is different. Lots of people do share their news early on.

financialwizard Sat 29-Nov-14 11:27:00

Will you have to make excuses for not drinking alcohol with family over Christmas or are you normally duty driver?

Maybe Christmas is a good time.

kilmuir Sat 29-Nov-14 11:31:16

I had lots of miscarriages, so waited until 12 week scan.
Though i had to avoid people as had bad morning sickness.
My mum always had an inkling

Happilymarried155 Sat 29-Nov-14 11:37:40

We miscarried In our first pregnancy and had told parents, it was awful having to ring them up with the bad news and I felt like I had let everyone down as that were so excited.

This time we waited until our scan and it was lovely telling them knowing everything was ok and having a picture to show them. It was also nice because they didn't have to keep it a secret and could be excited and tell all there friends!!

Congratulations! X

Twinklestar2 Sat 29-Nov-14 11:40:44

I say tell them at Christmas! Will be a wonderful present for them all grin

Rish55 Sat 29-Nov-14 11:40:57

Thank you for all your messages.

I think more have advised not to say anything, maybe that is best.

Will still have a think properly over this weekend.

Xx

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 29-Nov-14 11:46:03

It is hard not to say anything sometimes, especially if first trimester isn't particularly easy on you.

I was glad I waited (until yesterday!) though. Although it obviously felt very real for me, I think being able to show the scan photo makes it more real for everyone else.

TinyMonkey Sat 29-Nov-14 12:11:30

Last year we told my parents at 8 weeks, then two days later discovered at a scan that there was no hb. I found it really upsetting to have to tell them after they'd been so excited for us. Had we not jumped the gun, I would have still told them that we'd had a mmc, and they still would've been able to support us through the resulting erpc and emotional turmoil, but I could've spared them the high followed by the low.

Also, pregnancy goes on forever, or feels like it, this time we waited to tell and I'm glad.

evelynj Sat 29-Nov-14 12:25:48

Also worth considering going for a private scan if you can afford it just before Christmas-when you'd be about 8 or 9 weeks-enough to see a heartbeat & then if you really wanted to you could tell them at Christmas with a little more confidence. We did this after our first mc whenI was pg with dd & less stressed over Christmas. Iirc it was about £60 for the scan, babybond have places all over England.

Misty414 Sat 29-Nov-14 12:53:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

makeitabetterplace Sat 29-Nov-14 12:54:35

A friend of mine told her family at fiveish weeks, they were delighted especially as her dad was terminally ill. The baby become the beacon of hope for the family. At the 12 weeks scan it was found that the baby had stopped developing and she miscarried afterwards.

There's two ways of thinking about this
A) she had the support of her family through this really awful time
B) she felt awful that she'd 'let her family down'

I personally told those people I wanted to support me if it went wrong. Twice it did and I was grateful for their support and this time, so far, all is well. I told my sister but not my parents as I would have found their fussing suffocating.

ToriB34 Sat 29-Nov-14 12:58:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avocadotoast Sat 29-Nov-14 12:59:10

I told my parents the day after I found out (but then we are very close, and we see each other twice a week; there's no way I could've kept it quiet!). I just blurted it out while we were watching Bake Off grin

IdaClair Sat 29-Nov-14 13:07:26

I told my family at Christmas with my first pregnancy at 10 ish weeks. Much excitement, first grandchild, Christmas reveal etc, scan picture, everything.

Miscarried at 14 weeks in the new year.

Was it the wrong decision? I don't think that comes in to it. I don't think there is a right or wrong really. There was joy and sadness. For me I wished I hadn't because I am private and would have preferred to hide away when bad news came, and I couldn't.

In my next pregnancy I told family at 26 weeks. Maybe that shows how I felt about it.

Then I broke my pattern and told family at 14 weeks in the next pregnancy - after the gestation of my previous miscarriage.

Miscarried at 17 weeks.

It isn't a case of right or wrong. But you do need to think through all scenarios when deciding.

Chunderella Sat 29-Nov-14 13:15:44

There's no perfect time. You'll want to consider a number of things. Do you spend much time with parents or PILs? If so, there's a reasonable chance of someone noticing once you're experiencing symptoms, which you're likely to be within a couple of weeks. If not, you could realistically keep schtum for a while. Are you likely to need extra help from them because of your pregnancy, or to pass on any social engagements? Those would also be reasons to tell them pre-scan. If you don't see them much and you'll be seeing them over Christmas but not in January, you may want to be able to give them the news face to face. And if you do get any kind of nausea and you're going to be eating Christmas dinner with any of them, they're going to guess anyway. I was at a similar stage to you over Christmas when pregnant with DD, and had cornflakes for mine when we were staying with the in laws. MIL is a feeder and nothing less than morning sickness could have excused my failing to eat her (delicious) Christmas dinner without causing terrible offence! I also told much of the wider family over Christmas because, again, people would have realised due to the not eating.

I think I'd probably hold fire for a week or two yet if you can, anyway. Gives you a bit of time to get your head round the news and decide what to do.

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