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Feeling really down about pregnancy ending

(8 Posts)
NormaStits Sat 29-Nov-14 09:49:58

I'm going in to be induced tomorrow and I feel really sad about it.

It took a lot to get pregnant, fertility treatment, miscarriages, miscarriage investigations, then finally I got one that stuck and now I'm at the end, I should be happy to meet my baby. I can't seem to associate my bump with a baby, I just want to keep my bump. I feel like I'd rather stay pregnant.

I can't spend my last day of pregnancy crying because I'm going to have a baby! It's so stupid, I've wanted this for so long. I think I focused on getting and being pregnant so much I haven't really visualised the actual baby but enough. I've planned practically and spent ages thinking about nappies and cots and how to breastfeed but it all seems so remote and unrelated to being pregnant somehow.

I'm worried that it's going to affect me bonding with the baby.

northernlurker Sat 29-Nov-14 09:59:05

Ah yes - missing the bump. I remember that. I think a lot of people have this. It's an AMAZING time and it can feel a bit like you know 'the bump' and then this baby pops up and where did the bump baby go? Very odd. If it helps I know I bonded particularly well and quickly with dd3 and the day after she was born when dh took her out in the pram for a quick walk whilst I napped (up all night giving birth) I still cried in bed because I missed the bump. It didn't affect my bonding at all. It was something sort of separate.

Do you feel a little bit scared about the induction perhaps? It's a bit of a process and it's not very Hollywood. Nobody in films or tv has to be induced. They all have waters break in dramatic circs and then a bit of huffing and puffing later there's a very nice baby. Unless you're a midwife that's what most people's back of their minds perception of birth is. So induction which tends to involve a certain amount of faffing with ones nether regions followed by an indeterminate time waiting around is hardly every woman's dream.

It all comes out in the wash though. Sometimes for whatever reason it does take a while to bond with a baby. It's a new person and sometimes you click and sometimes you're a bit unsure. But everybody gets there in the end. If you worry when baby arrives and after a day or so you don't feel connected to them or quite 'right' then talk to the midwives. It won't shock them, they've heard it all before and will probably be able to point you to bits of your behaviour that ARE bonded and you didn't even think about. You'll get there.

Now what are you going to do today? I recommend a lunch out with your partner and a nice glass of wine.

NormaStits Sat 29-Nov-14 11:56:09

I am nervous about the induction but I'd parcelled that off into a separate problem.

I'mglad to hear that missing the bump is a thing and that you overcame it. I am freaked out about the new person thing too, it seems so unreal that this squirmy tummy is going to turn into an entire person!

Thanks for the reply, I'm feeling a bit better, am going to pop to the library and then I think your suggestion about a nice lunch is spot on!

TinyMonkey Sat 29-Nov-14 12:18:21

Norma, I'm having an ELCS on Tuesday and feel exactly the same! I'm really going to miss my bump, and can't picture having an actual baby at all. I don't feel excited about meeting my baby, just terrified. I'm sure we'll both be fine though, and this time next week will wonder what on earth we were worrying about. Best of luck.

TheFantasticFixit Sat 29-Nov-14 12:20:02

Northern, i love what and how you've written in your post

NormaStits Sat 29-Nov-14 14:52:18

Tiny, thanks. Sorry for hear you're feeling the same, it must be more common than I realised. I suppose it's probably because we've spent so long being pregnant that it is hard to think of not being any more.

Good luck with your elcs on Tuesday. Hope it goes smoothly, and you're soon enjoying new baby cuddles. I'm sure you're right, by the end of the week we'll be wondering what we were worrying about!

Secondtimesally Sat 29-Nov-14 14:58:18

Hi Norma,
If you're missing your bump once baby is born then get a sling that has baby on your tummy - so cosy for your little one and as you rub his/her back it's just like having a bump again! I found this out by accident and loved having that "bump" feeling again. I got an AMA wrap for about 30 quid, but there are lots of different ones out there.

mupperoon Sat 29-Nov-14 17:28:15

Norma and northern I was going to start a thread on this myself to see whether I was the only one!

I have a gorgeous 4 month old daughter who I have completely bonded with and can't imagine life without - but even now I feel like belly baby is still out there somehow. Every now and again it's like the real and imaginary babies superimpose and I realise with a mental jerk that they are one and the same - when I see her profile, it is so obviously the same as the baby in the scan photos - but I have cried my eyes out a few times because I feel like belly baby didn't come home with us from the hospital.

I can't emphasise enough that despite this I am besotted, utterly in love, with my bonkers little pickle!

I wonder whether the effect was stronger because a) we didn't know the sex of the baby until birth, and I thought it was going to be a boy, and b) I put a lot of energy and practice into HypnoBirthing but ended up having an EMCS so didn't get the birth I was primed to expect (however, I would definitely recommend HB).

I missed being pregnant too for the first 8 weeks or so but I think I've got over it. It's a bit of a crazy feeling given that I was really hacked off and impatient to meet the baby towards the end.

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