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Sex..or lack thereof...

(15 Posts)
SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 09:58:31

Hi all. I've NC recently but have been around for a while.

I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and so far, DH and I have only had sex a handful of times during this pregnancy.

I should add, in the beginning it was through fear. I suffered 3 miscarriages before falling with this one, was put on cyclogest and aspirin to help me stay pregnant and so far, it's worked! Yay! However, the first time we had sex after the BFP I had some spotting which sent me into full blown panic mode. All was fine at the early scan and then we went on holiday and had sex a few more times. Eventually I was too tired / sick to want to. And then, in 2nd tri, there were some more spotting incidents and DH pretty much said that's it now, he didn't want me stressing out over it again. We DTD once or twice since then (on my instigation) but its now petered out completely and I think the last time was about 10 - 12 weeks ago.

We've spoken about it, I asked him if it bothered him and he said 'not really' he would like to have sex but won't push it because he knows I get scared - also, he said he is terrified to touch me in case I feel pressured.

The issue now is, I miss the intimacy, but I am scared and I am also not sure how best to actually do it now I'm getting so big! I would happily instigate it, but I don't know what position is best? Will it hurt now? Will baby feel it? These may all be stupid questions but I am worried!

Along with the fact that I can feel baby kicking and moving pretty much all the time I don't really feel like a sexual being, I don't feel like I look sexy, even though he says he still fancies me and thinks I'm stunning. I just don't feel like I can put the moves on him (!) feeling like a whale!

Help me MNers! I want to have sex with my hubby again and not overthink it too much!

SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 09:58:47

Name change fail haha!

Rebecca1608 Wed 26-Nov-14 10:28:14

I can understand that there was a lot of worry for you early on. I'm only 9 weeks pg with twins and if I'm feeling tired but still in the mood for some loving. The spoons position is good. I can't imagine it'll hurt and baby won't feel it.

leanne963 Wed 26-Nov-14 10:36:12

Oh bless you smile I know exactly how you feel. I found out i was pregnant at 4 weeks and i am now 14. We haven't had sex once in that time. I, too, was scared as i suffered a MC in June and i also suffer from a very sensitive cervix and have had a few bouts of bleeding this pregnancy. Sex is the last thing on my mind, i still love and fancy my partner but the idea of causing more bleeding and putting me into a mild panic if i see blood is just on my mind way too much for me to even enjoy sex.
I think if i wasnt such a nervous wreck with this pregnancy i would probably have sex more. My partner is beyond amazing and sex has never been a leading factor in our very happy relationship, everyone is different and there is no norm, luckily for us it is not causing any issues.
Your partner sounds very supportive and fab too! :D

SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 10:44:26

He is fab and I am so lucky he is completely understanding smile

It's an issue for me though, I miss it, but I am so big and unwieldy I don't know how to go about it, I have this huge bump in the way, I cant even roll over in bed without making a big song and dance about it! I feel stupid!

SweetsForMySweet Wed 26-Nov-14 11:11:56

If you click report on your first post? mnhq can nc for you if you want.

Everyone feels different about sex when pregnant, some are rampant, others go totally off it and couldn't care if they never have it again(until the hormones settle down). If you don't want to have full on sex, you could still do other stuff like foreplay, oral, cuddles, kisses, massages etc. Your dh may be delighted with you initiating sex because he may not be initiating to avoid putting pressure on you. It's good to talk to each other about it. Take it gradually so it happens at a pace you are both comfortable with. You may need to keep some lube nearby, sometimes the pregnancy hormones can cause dryness. Most positions work fine once you're not putting too much pressure on your bump. Have fun trying out different positions until you find what works best for you both. I found as my bump grew, it took a bit more maneuvering but it isn't impossible. We used pillows to make me more comfortable. Sex won't hurt the baby because the baby is surrounded by lots of fluid by this stage of your pregnancy. Set the ambience, have a nice bath, some nice music, a few scattered candles, a nice meal and relax. It's a wonderful time so try not to feel too self conscious, we may not always feel sexy but with the our wonderful dhs it can make a big difference. smile

bubalou Wed 26-Nov-14 12:08:15

I completely understand why you would worry at first - that's normal for what you have been through. I think a lot of people's see lives dip for the first 3 months.

I had some slight pink when wiping a couple of times after dtd (am 13 weeks now) and it did worry me but I was told this was normal.

I've had hyperemesis so our sex life has been non existent at times. Now I'm on the mend we are slowly getting back on track to 1-2 a week which is only a little less then pre-pregnancy.

Is there something's you and your partner could do without sex? But still get the intimacy? Don't want to be crude but massages, foreplay, anything you both like and can enjoy with the penetrative part that could cause worry?

Talk to him about it. I'm sure he misses the intimacy too. smile

Happilymarried155 Wed 26-Nov-14 12:24:01

We are the same! Have only have sex once and now 29 weeks. I do miss it but we talked about it the other day and decided neither of us feel comfortable with it, I'm too big, the baby moves a lot and we are both worried. We waited this long so a few more months won't matter. I try to make sure we have lots of cuddles and kisses and things. It's nice that your partner is so supportive smile

SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 12:33:14

I will discuss it with him again. I would love to just jump him! But I am overthinking it loads.

Maybe Friday night I will do us a lovely dinner and show him some of my best moves haha! Thanks ladies. I'm quite embarrassed about this, we've never had problems before. Dry spells yes, but not this long!

I know the reason he isn't initiating is because he doesn't want me to feel pressured etc. He really is the best. smile

bubalou Wed 26-Nov-14 12:59:32

Sea salt - you go girl grin haha

It's so lovely how good he is being. Just do what feels right.

Don't be embarrassed. With all the sickness I've had and complete lack of gag reflex that has me heaving at everything DH knows it's going to be a long time until he gets a blow job again!!!

blushblushblush Haha

SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 13:05:37

Oh god he hasn't had one of those since we conceived! Ha!

saintsandpoets Wed 26-Nov-14 13:25:39

Do you have to have PiV sex? You can be intimate and do other things - oral, or even massage?

SeaSaltMill Wed 26-Nov-14 13:29:36

Saintsandpoets - it doesn't have to be, no, but everything has gone because he didn't want to initiate it if I felt pressured so it's all sort of fallen by the wayside. I'm sure it will be fine, we'll get there. Its just this block to get over first. That first move.

vdbfamily Wed 26-Nov-14 14:20:46

We found the best position when bump got big was spooning so if you snuggle backwards into him for a cuddle at bedtime and just take it from there.The advantage is that DH then has both hands free too.

silverine Thu 27-Nov-14 00:52:08

I'm 27 weeks and we have not done it once since the bfp! shock and it's actually dh who's too scared and freaked about our 3 prev MCs. He's so protective of his little boy now, he won't risk anything, even though I've checked several times with midwife that it's ok. The thing is I've tried by myself and was really uncomfortable & tight down there so don't think I'd enjoy it really, so don't mind... Anyway, I think it's ok to go through a dry spell if you both don't mind it.

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