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Paternity

(18 Posts)
Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 01:13:49

I just want to start off by saying not being judged would be perfect, I could really do with some advice and not a grilling. I've always wanted children so in my past serious relationship we never used contraception, with no luck (including one early miscarriage) conceiving, along with other things I went to the doctors and am currently awaiting a laparoscopy for endometriosis. Doctors haven't confirmed it, infact they don't agree but in my head I'm infertile. Anyway, I've recently split with my long term boyfriend and have been having a really hard time. I've been going out drinking a lot and just not really looking after myself. To get to the point, I've had unprotected sex with three people in a month. I do know them all, they're not strangers. Two of them I'd rather not have any more contact with & the last one is an old fling. Il use their initials to explain. I slept with A 4 times, 2 weeks later I slept with B then last night I slept with M. I'm due on my period tomorrow so that sort of rules M out. I just want people's opinions, I feel terrible for saying it but I don't know where my heads at with wanting to be pregnant in these circumstances. I'm really not this sort of person, I don't do stuff like this & I don't know how it'd react if I were pregnant. I'd die of shame having to tell people I don't know who the dad is and how would I tell them?? Or my family! I obviously will find out whether I am or not asap but just, if I were.. And you were in my shoes, what would you do?

TsukuruTazaki Mon 24-Nov-14 01:23:51

Based on a standard cycle the likeliest time would be B however if you are being checked for endometriosis I'm wondering do you have irregular or longer cycles? If so I wouldn't be so confident about saying when you're likely to ovulate and obviously can't say for definite B is the only one!

Are you having pregnancy symptoms or just thinking hypothetically?

I'm not judging you flowers but however keen you are for a baby this isn't the best way to go about it as I think you realise yourself. Please look after yourself as you could also be putting yourself at risk of STDs as well as pregnancy.

TsukuruTazaki Mon 24-Nov-14 01:25:28

Just realised I'm not sure if I've read correctly - was B two weeks ago?

EmbarrassedPossessed Mon 24-Nov-14 01:28:26

There's not much you can do about whether you are pregnant or not - you just have to wait and find out as you've said yourself. I presume you would want to continue with any pregnancy? So you would have to face up to the issue of paternity at some point. I would only tell the three men themselves, and ask each of them if they would do a DNA test when the baby is born. Of course they could tell other people, but if anyone asks you directly you can just shut down the conversation and say it's not a matter you're willing to discuss with anyone.

In the meantime, I would perhaps get yourself checked out for STDs just in case. Maybe also seek out some counselling to help you with your relationship break up, and why your desire for a baby is resulting in you doing things you're not happy about.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 01:34:47

I don't have any symptoms..other than a few crampy/stitch feelings but that could be down to endo and it's not uncommon for me but I have been feeling sick and actually vomited a few times. This has been happening since not long after A, B didn't finish so there's that to take into consideration. My cycles can be over the place so I don't really know. B was about 2 weeks ago, A was about a week after a finished AF (these letters are getting confusing) I don't know if it has anything to do with it but lately I've felt full of allergies, I'm not allergic to anything and haven't changed my normal habits or anything but it's like it's an allergy making me sneeze, my eyes feeling puffy etc. I don't know if that's a symptom or coincidence.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 01:38:46

I 100% disagree with abortion and I know i would never do it BUT it's so bitter sweet to know that everything I've ever wanted could be given to me in such a backhanded unpleasant way. I don't want to be with any of the 3 yet pregnancy isn't something I want to go through alone, I feel so much guilt already, I know nothings for sure but I feel like this is the worst start to life and so selfish and in thoughtful of me to everyone involved

EmbarrassedPossessed Mon 24-Nov-14 01:48:02

Well there's a fair chance that you won't be pregnant and this is all theoretical.

Either way, would you consider getting checked for STDs and maybe try and find some counselling to help you with your feelings around your relationship breakdown?

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 01:50:52

Yeah il definitely get checked out.. But tbh I think this alone is a wake up call enough to realise I'm pressing the self destruct button. I know I need to pull myself together and get back to reality and stop drinking to forget. I just can't stop worrying, such a confusing feeling

Zahrah5 Mon 24-Nov-14 09:42:00

What you can do is wait a bit and go for an ultrasound which will be able to date the baby fairly accurately. The you will know which man and the I would go tell him.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 10:19:27

Would there really be noticeable difference in 2 weeks though?

Zahrah5 Mon 24-Nov-14 10:56:04

Of course there is huge difference in 2 weeks older baby in these early stages, they will calculate it on days. Early scan accuracy is +/-2 days.

You could always confrim by DNA test later but so far it might be your best bet.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 14:42:09

When's the earliest scan that could determine that? Or would I have to request it?

Zahrah5 Mon 24-Nov-14 14:59:35

Maybe call the clinic and ask.

You would need to have it done privately and pay for it.

On vaginal scan they can see quite early, since you dont even know if you are pregnant, they should see gestational sack at about 5 weeks or so.

But I would wait longer, 7-8 weeks to see if there is a heartbeat.

slightlyinsane Mon 24-Nov-14 16:37:13

Hi, just to add more confusion to it all IF you are pregnant it could be either A or B, there are too many ifs to determine without a DNA test. I ovulate earlier than the typical window in a 28 day cycle and if you aren't tracking your cycle you really won't know. I also have had an accidental ds who arrived after he didn't finish. Earlier scans are ok but may still not give you an idea if they date the sac in between the 2, as the margin of error could mean it's either. Firstthings first though you just need to relax and wait to see if you are pregnant, worrying about it could delay your af if it's going to show.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 18:48:11

I was going to go and buy a test tonight, but don't know if I should just leave it another week or so. Afs due around about now

SilverStars Mon 24-Nov-14 19:13:35

You may have to pay private for a scan unless there is a problem ina pregnancy NHS do not always offer early scans ( otherwise they would be inundated!) but early scans are not too expensive and they often have better quality picture I have found.

Christinedonna Mon 24-Nov-14 20:49:04

Just brought 4 test, I forget how much I hate anything other than digital! Those "is that a line??" Moments are horrible! I'm gunna do one in a little while when I won't be disturbed

Christinedonna Tue 25-Nov-14 22:32:49

The test I done last night was negative, I don't know when AF was due (endo) Im convinced im not pregnant now though. Definitely lesson learnt

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