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want to give birth alone

(11 Posts)
lostinegypt Sat 22-Nov-14 07:47:45

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and after another argument with husband really think I want to give birth alone. Both my mum and husband were there for the birth of my first son but I really don't want either of them there this time. My mum has just assumed she will be there this time. How do I tell her I don't want her there? Also I feel my husband has been really unsupportive during this pregnancy. I have had 6 scans and he has not been to one or shown any interest in going. Only been to two midwife appointments with me. Makes me feel that I am just complaining and moaning all the time etc. I feel really tired as my son still wakes up at least twice a night and it is always me that gets up with him. Sorry about the long post but just feeling fed up.

makeitabetterplace Sat 22-Nov-14 07:54:12

Are you wanting to be alone to punish your husband for not supporting you or do you genuinely think the experience would be easier without him?

I don't think you should worry about how to tell your mum. Just tell her. I don't get why some people seem to claim rights to tag along.

Have you got a friend who could be with you?

LittleBairn Sat 22-Nov-14 07:58:15

Give birth alone if that what you want if you feel pushed into having people there its only going to make you tense making the delivery difficult.
It's not a spectators sport no one has the right to be there.
My mum really wanted to be at the delivery of my first I was firm from the start no and refused to discuss it.

feelingunsupported Sat 22-Nov-14 08:04:30

I ended up with a prem emcs but when a normal delivery was on the cards I felt just like you.
Dp is lovely but he was shit during pg - barely acknowledged the fact that I was pg even though he wanted dc and is now a brilliant dad.

He's crap at empathy and I knew he'd not be able to give me the kind of support I'd need in labour. I told him how I felt and he was gutted for himself at potentially missing out on what he saw as his right to be there but not upset for me if you see what I mean.

The decision was taken away but I do wonder if I'd have insisted.

Gunpowder Sat 22-Nov-14 08:09:55

Definitely tell your mum you don't want her there, could she be in charge of looking after your DS so she has a role?

Re: your DH, of course you must give birth alone if that's what you really want, but I think you need to talk to him and explain you are not feeling supported. I think people who have never been pregnant often don't get the low level (sometimes high level!) feeling of crapness lots of us have for our entire pregnancies. I had to explain to DH (very crossly) that it's like having a hangover/man-flu for 9 months. Could he do one wake up a night? If he has a demanding job and that's not tenable, maybe he could do all the weekend wake ups so at least you get some uninterrupted rest. You are growing a baby! I think you need to ask him to step up now, as will be even more tricky with a toddler and a newborn.

I don't know if the not going to all your scans/antenatal appointments is necessarily unsupportive, my DH just comes to the 12/20 week scan and any extra scans/appointments are just me. If I was freaked out I would tell him it was non negotiable.

Of course he is being thoughtless but he just might not realise! I think you owe it to both of you to explain how you feel now. flowers

Gunpowder Sat 22-Nov-14 08:13:07

Btw I am only 17wks with a toddler and my tiredness is on another level. Can only imagine how tough the third trimester is! You have my sympathies.

Jodie1982 Sat 22-Nov-14 08:54:11

After a good few months of moaning at my DP for not helping with our Toddler a Daughter during the night, and my bone deep tiredness and pain whilst tryin to deal with her whilst he 'played' on his Playstation all night n left me to it, I chucked him out for a couple nights which gave him a good kick up the arse, I told him "Im doing the hard stuff alone anyway so why are you here!?" And a few other things!! He finally got it, sold his Playstation (didn't make him) and now he's with me at night, and even sees to our Toddler instead of me having to thrash about trying to get up.
You need a serious talk with your DP, have you given him a warning that he'll miss the birth if he continues with his less than sympathetic treatment towards you? Don't b worried about telling your mum, I never had my mum at any of my births as I'm quite private n hate being fussed over, especially when in pain.
Wishing u all the best.
Jo 28wks.

lostinegypt Sat 22-Nov-14 09:00:21

my husband doesn't work so has no excuse! Up until I took early maternity leave I was working 11-12 hour days without a break!! He would then complain that all I did when I got home was sit on my arse and do nothing! He also said it was my fault I didn't take a break. My son is 3 1/2 years old but has only slept through the night approx 4 times since he has been born. It has always been me that gets up with him. My husband doesn't seem to hear our son when he wakes up and comes in our room plus he always comes to me as I sleep on the side of the bed near the door.
My mum will have to drive me to the hospital as we don't have a car. The plan is that my dad looks after my son. Maybe it is me wanting to punish my husband by not wanting him at the birth but why should he just have all the best bits when I feel he hasn't been there throughout my pregnancy. If I hear your pregnant not disabled one more time I am going to kill him. He has no idea. It has only been the last few weeks I have felt rubbish.

lostinegypt Sat 22-Nov-14 09:05:02

Also it is impossible to speak to my husband about anything. He will just walk away if I try to have a serious conversation with him about anything. There is also no chance of me kicking him out as we are currently staying with my mum and he has nowhere else to go. I work abroad but have come back to give birth which is why we are staying at my mums.

FloozeyLoozey Sat 22-Nov-14 09:13:05

Why are you with him? He doesn't work, doesn't help with childcare or around the home. You might as well be a single parent!

lostinegypt Sat 22-Nov-14 09:30:25

He does help out around the house. He does most of the housework and gets our son up and dressed for nursery and looks after him whilst I am at work. I leave at 6am and get home between 4-5pm. He doesn't work as we decided he would home with the children.

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