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Having an anxious day - NHS not helping!

(10 Posts)
figginz Wed 19-Nov-14 13:36:45

I'm 36 weeks pg with first baby and having a day of crippling anxiety. "Working from home" seems to have turned into spending hours worrying that labour will be awful (various scenarios), that I will not be able to breastfeed (due, in my mind, to flat nipples which I don't have), that I won't bond or ever sleep again, that I haven't bought the right things and am already a bad mother.

Just turned on laptop in effort to get some bloody work done instead of crying to find I have received a "happy week 36" email from NHS which says:

Tip: Try not to worry about the birth

AARRRGGH. Thanks a bunch NHS. So reassuring to know that I have your expert knowledge and support behind me.

Does anyone have any more useful tips for taking my mind off all the things that will probably might go wrong?!

Naomip88 Wed 19-Nov-14 16:06:37

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and before the pregnancy i was TERRIFIED of childbirth - i had recurring nightmares about suddenly being 9 months pregnant and going into labour and feeling scared and not wanting to do it and everyone was ignoring my fears. So when I got my bfp I was fully prepared to be in a constant state of fear as I approached my third trimester but I have found hypnobirthing cds really useful - even if it's not your kind of thing I would really recommend listening to them when you're feeling anxious (they're also amazing to fall asleep to). Also talking to people who have had fairly straightforward births is useful. All the feelings you've described are familiar to me and my pregnant friends so don't feel like everyone else is all smug and happy, we're all a bit nervous! If you're already concerned about being a good mother that shows that you care so much so you're bound to be a great one. Have you suffered from anxiety in the past? If so it might be good to talk to your midwife about it.

figginz Wed 19-Nov-14 16:15:39

Ah thank you Naomip88 I might well look up some hypnobirthing cds. It's a bit like meditation isn't it?

As a teenager I found the thought of childbirth so awful I was convinced I would never choose to have children. And yet somehow I changed my mind bloody DP grin

Think I've just had too much time to process the information from the antenatal classes and it's just gone to my head a little. Plus I should do what you say and only speak to people with happy birth and baby stories. Not the relative with the fourth degree tear etc. shock

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane Wed 19-Nov-14 16:20:37

The one thing I wish that I'd been told before I had my first labour, is that you aren't in constant pain from contractions and that the more I stayed moving and breathing and relaxed the better it felt.

Dogsmom Wed 19-Nov-14 16:47:44

I was terrified too so much so that I asked the doctor when I was in my 20's if I could be sterilised and postponed having kids until I was 38.

My daughter was back to back and yes I did have a rough time however it is true that you instantly forget once they are here and I am now pregnant with my second daughter.

Don't be afraid to ask for pain relief, there are no medals for doing it just on gas and air, I did get frustrated on some threads where women commented how proud they were for only having g&a and were congratulated by others.
I had an epidural after 26 hours and it made a world of difference, I plan to ask for one much earlier this time.

Also don't beat yourself up if you don't breastfeed, formula isn't poison, on paper I was the worst mother ever, I had an epidural and formula fed from birth by choice however my daughter has thrived, she has been a great sleeper from day 1, only beeen sick once and followed the 75th - 98th centile on height and weight.

Whatever choices you make and however your birth ends up you will be a great Mom, your baby will think you are the most fantastic person in their world.

figginz Wed 19-Nov-14 17:54:44

Thank you all for being kind and lovely. I feel calmer now, have brew and chocolate. Rationally, I do know that lots of women have been through this and been OK. And it can't be that bad to have a child or nobody would ever have more than one! Deep breaths. Only a few weeks to go!

Naomip88 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:15:29

good luck, you'll be great! Just try to stay calm and confident as I've heard it helps a lot

CountryMummy1 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:27:29

Well here's a bit of an alternative view of childbirth. Absolutely everything that could have gone wrong went wrong in both my births. But we all survived and I don't feel traumatised at all. In fact, I'd have another one tomorrow. Try to relax, what will be will be and you will cope with whatever happens. Good luck x

CountryMummy1 Wed 19-Nov-14 23:31:23

Oh and I ended up having every drug going, didn't look at my baby for hours and I couldn't believe they were mine, couldn't breastfeed and begged the GP to take my 2 month old away (PND). But now I have 2 under 3 and find motherhood an absolute delight. Everyone comments on what a good mum I am and I still feel a bit of a fraud when I think back to how crap I was at the start. X

PacificDogwood Wed 19-Nov-14 23:33:28

Every baby arrives with its own parcel of love and it's own portion of maternal anxiety and guilt - get used to it! grin

You will be fine, you will.

The fact that you are worrying about things suggests you will be a more than 'fit' mother thanks

Here's what helped me:
1. Women have been given birth since the beginning of time. I can do this.
2. The female body was designed to give birth. I can do this.
3. It. Will, Pass. Even the worst birthing experience comes to an end. I can get through this.
4. I will get a baby by the end of it grin

As a matter of fact I enjoyed labour and delivery. Four times (1x induction, 1x emCS, 2x VBAC). Most exciting and rewarding thing I ever did.

You will be fine.

Hypnobirthing is an excellent idea and should allow you to have a labour experience that you'll think back on with fondness.

Good luck when the time comes.

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