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My sister's pregnant

(18 Posts)
DontBeBlueBeARainbow Sun 09-Nov-14 02:23:02

I just found out yesterday my sister, and I'm really happy for her and BiL.

She's not sure of her due date yet, but is probably around 3 months behind me, and I'm very conscious that I want to give her space to talk about things she's going through, and I want to avoid always talking about how I found it just 3 months earlier...

Any advice for being a supportive sibling and not being an attention-seeking brat?

On a sadder note, is there anyone who was in this situation and felt jealous at amounts of attention/amount of money being spent etc. by parents?

(If this does out me to my DSis who may well be on this forum after how much I rave about it, LOVE YOU!)

pippinleaf Sun 09-Nov-14 08:05:51

Congratulations on becoming an auntie - the happiest day of my life to date, bar my own wedding, was when my sister passed me her newborn to hold. My sister got pregnant after several years of fertility treatment and my life was a wreck. I'd just broken up with y seven year partner and was in nine process of selling our house etc. it was awful for me. I was also thinking my chance of having a baby was over due to my age and situation. I'm saying that just to put it in context for my next comment. I find it really very sad that you are thinking of how you might now get jealous at the attention / money your parents spend on her. I'm sure you maybe didn't mean it to sound as it did. Your time will come, you're not twelve anymore when you each had to have the same amount of Christmas presents! I say - join in with the fussing! I loved knitted and buying little things for my forthcoming niece/nephew and was just so delighted for my sister that jealousy didn't even enter my head. She's bringing something amazing into your life - the best gift you could get! Enjoy it.

TriciaMcM Sun 09-Nov-14 08:26:13

Pippenleaf, that's very unfair. Sibling rivalry is complicated & it can smart a little when parents treat different children differently, whether you're 12 or 32. She's just using the forum to express how she feels, which she would probably never do in real life in case of upsetting her family.

OP did you mean your parents spending or your sister and BIL?

DontBeBlueBeARainbow Sun 09-Nov-14 08:33:10

I didn't expect that, I was just wondering if anyone had this situation.

It's just that I'm pregnant very far away from home, so all contact with family is Skype-based, and she'll be pregnant surrounded by family and face-to-face contact. It just strikes me that in the coming months (before I go back to the UK), I may feel envious and wish I was there!

Superworm Sun 09-Nov-14 08:53:18

I think that will be hard Op being far away from home and feeling a bit left out. From the sounds of it though you're moving back?

Your baby will be born first (all being well) and your sister may end up feeling a bit side lined as the attention will naturally fall to you at the end if your pregnancy and when your LO arrives.

You will get all the firsts - sitting, rolling, walking, weaning etc. I think just make sure you focus on her too and give her space to do her own thing.

I would concentrate on the fact they will be close in age and how wonderful that will be for them as cousins.

mrsnec Sun 09-Nov-14 09:04:44

Hi Op,

My parents have had 4 grandchildren born within the space of a year. Including my dd. My dsf now has 10 grandchildren. My dd is my mum's only biological dgc.

I do admit to keeping an eye on what's fair and what isn't but I live miles away from everyone else and I know my parents do their best. It's never about money though,it's more about time and experiences that I feel envious of, eg first Christmas and such like.

I am not close to my siblings or stepsiblings and haven't met any of the other grandchildren so this might be where my issue comes from. If you are a fairly close family anyway you might find there isn't a problem. And congratulations to you both.

JennyBlueWren Sun 09-Nov-14 09:37:29

Congratulations to you both! Try not to compare the babies as they develop. Remember that all babies develop at their own pace. My nephew and my baby will have 1 year and 3 months between them so it won't be the same but do wonder about comparisons.

Perhaps don't offer advice unless she asks for it?

naty1 Sun 09-Nov-14 09:58:51

Just to say its not guaranteed with a 3mth gap yours will do things first.
Probably sitting, but crawling 6-10ths, walking 9-18mths, rolling couple of weeks to 10mths.
Its so variable.
We have a 7-8mtgs gap between cousins. Mine was around average and DN slightly behind.
It looks like we may have the same gap again going the other way this time and its possible my DC could still do things first (though unlikely).
It is difficult when you have 'all the attention' of the gp and then have to share it.
You will have lots of contact on skype.
And may get more fussed over if they missed the pg and early weeks?
It will be great when they are older as they will be closer in age than any siblings.
I expect it feels like they started ttc when they found you were pg.
(I think the oldest gc is always the favourite ;)

DontBeBlueBeARainbow Sun 09-Nov-14 10:28:57

Thanks for the positivity, and the stories smile I am so excited, I never thought we'd be having our PFBs at the same time!

mrsnec Sun 09-Nov-14 10:59:02

I must say it was difficult for me when my dm sent me pictures of the other 3 pg without me in it but I didn't want to travel because I'd lost one very soon before getting pg again.

Mine might be the youngest but db and sil are ttc and I think dss might try again. It is my dm that does a lot of the comparisons and it does annoy me, eg. Dd had an appointment for a genuine medical concern but dm told me it was just a standard procedure because all the others had it done. And she's chosen toys for xmas for dd based on what she'd seen the others playing with not what dd might like.

But she was with me for 3 weeks when dd was born and did spend a fortune so I do feel I can't complain I suppose I just wish she'd had first grandchild experiences with mine and the comparisons are irritating but I will just have to get used to it. Chances are the others feel the same.

fuctifino Sun 09-Nov-14 11:12:32

I told my mum I was pregnant with dc1. She was shocked and thrilled. I had told her at about the 9 week mark as I'd had a scan at epu.
Some weeks later my dtwin announced her pregnancy, with dc2. She is local to family, I am not.
Our due dates were days apart, hers just prior to mine.
I was absolutely devastated that once again, she was stealing my thunder. I was inconsolable..... and I'm not normally a cryer!
I wouldn't say that was the start of the demise of our relationship, that happended when the dd's were about 2, but I never really moved on from it.
As I knew would happen, her baby was bigger, it was born quicker, she had no stitches, hers was a textbook birth.
Mine wasn't, back to back, long labour, tore and stitches, a scrawny (her words) baby and to top it all off, she gave her baby the name we had chosen. Her baby came first so in her eyes it was okay to take that name.

Haven't spoken to her in 10 years and can't see anyway back now. It wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again.

Hope you have a better outcome rainbow.

DontBeBlueBeARainbow Sun 09-Nov-14 11:54:46

Sorry to hear that Fuctifino that's such a shame flowers the name thing is terrible, I can't imagine how you must have felt.

I don't think it'll come to that with us. I've just been worried that my DSis has been annoyed at me whilst TTC and me announcing my pregnancy - I am the youngest after all!

Squtternutbaush Sun 09-Nov-14 12:06:10

Not quite the same but I know where you're coming from.

My mum had twins when I was 3 months pregnant with my first and I felt like the fact that they were born so close beforehand and they were twins totally overshadowed my son and 8 Years on I still see it happening.

I used to get jealous of that because it seemed like my son was an afterthought to people, even his nursery seemed more interested in the age gap between me and them than discussing him but you just get used to it and learn to side step the constant comparisons.

On the pregnancy front its hard not to mention your experience but just try hold off unless she specifically asks as there's nothing worse than hearing how perfect/how bad it went for everyone else because you either feel like crap when its not going right for you or scare yourself waiting for stuff to go wrong.

Congratulations smile

leanne963 Sun 09-Nov-14 12:07:37

I think this all sounds normal! I became pregnant earlier this year and was sooooo excited as I was giving my parents their first grandchild and as my brother was engaged and my partners brother was engaged I felt like I could be the 'first' to do something for a change.

Sadly, I MC in June and was devastated. A couple months later (when I was still very much grieving) my brother announced his gf was pregnant. I was so jealous, felt like an awful person. Like you OP I don't live as close to my family as my brother and his partner so all I would hear is how my mum was popping over to check on her every day and my mum NEVER pops over to check on me as it's nearly an hour drive. Jealousy was driving me mad.

However, I fell pregnant again and am 4 weeks behind my brothers partner at 12 weeks. So I feel much happier as I am focusing on our baby now and not being jealous about someone else's baby.

I know my brothers baby is my niece or nephew but it's not a comparison when you were expecting your own baby. All of this has actually made us all so much closer and I love the idea of our children being so close in age. I did tell my brother than we are NOT going to be comparing each other's children's development as I now that will drive me crazy lol!
I do hope this brings you both closer but the initial jealousy is normal! !

cakedcrusader Sun 09-Nov-14 14:54:09

This could well be a bonding experience for you and your dsis. With your first baby every stage is new, scary and exciting and it must be so nice to have someone close who is a few weeks ahead to ask things! I was pg at the same time as my dsis - she was 10 weeks behind me so I got lots of phone calls asking me what to expect at mw appointments and if some symptoms were normal etc. I really enjoyed it tbh and going through such a huge thing together has made us so much closer smile

pippinleaf Sun 09-Nov-14 18:53:55

Didn't mean to be unfair OP. Maybe I don't have the sibling rivalry gene in me. I love my sister so much and anything that makes her happy makes me happy too. Maybe I should not have posted if I couldn't really empathise, so I apologise. I hope you both have a fabulous pregnancy and enjoy having your babies little together. My sisters children will be a bit more grown up than mine and I'm quite sad they won't be closer together in age so you're very lucky on that front. thanks

Naomip88 Mon 10-Nov-14 09:44:17

i think you're so lucky to be pregnant at the same time! I would love to be sharing this time with my sister and if you start to feel those jealous thoughts creep in just focus on how brilliant it will be for your babies to have a cousin so close in age.

I was stuck in the middle of two potentially tricky situations as i found out I was pregnant when my sister in law was 7 months pregnant and my sister had just broke up with her partner of 9 years (she's also older than me and starting to get to the age where she's thinking about babies) . My sister in law has been fine if a little patronising , she's also quite obsessed with routines and baby equipment so she spends alot of time making lists for me which baffles me slightly .My sister initially made the whole situation about her ('' this just makes me think I should be having children'') but since then she's been fine and she's getting excited for me whilst enjoying her newly single life! I guess the point I'm making is that timing and families can always be tricky so the best thing to do is just focus on the good stuff!

purplemurple1 Mon 10-Nov-14 09:58:46

My youngest sister got preg 5 months after me. She lives close to family and I live abroad. It's was both of our firsts.
During the pregnancy I tried to ask how she was finding things and sympathies rather than compare. Same with the birth I told her how mine had been and hoped hers would be similarly uncomplicated.
I got the impression she sometimes didn't believe me. Now we talk about our sons hers is mellow and doing things at the same time as mine regardless of the age gap. It's really nice to have kids at the same stage but be able to see their differences.

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