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How did you tell your older dc that you were having another baby?

(11 Posts)
Caillou Fri 07-Nov-14 18:03:31

That's it really,

I am nearly 7 weeks, and I know it is still early days, but I am starting to think how can I tell dd (who is 3) in a very nice way?


TinyTear Fri 07-Nov-14 18:08:14

Not a clue, I am 18w and still haven't told my 2y9m old...

babybythesea Fri 07-Nov-14 18:23:40

DD1 was 3.5 when I got pregnant wit DD2.
I felt like utter shit from about six weeks, and spent a lot of time lying on the sofa so we made a decision to tell DD1 fairly quickly so she knew why!

I bought a couple of books (including 'There's a House inside my Mummy' and one called 'I'm a big sister').

Then, one evening, when we went up to have stories at bedtime, I told her we had a special thing to tell her She was going to be a big sister. It would be a very long time away, but at the moment sometimes it made Mummy feel a bit poorly. When we had scan photos we showed her, and got out her old scan photos to show her and compare.

And then we read 'There's a house inside my mummy' which even talks about morning sickness!!
We didn't do overkill - maybe once a week or so we'd read one or other of the books. 'I'm a big sister' looks at all the things big kids can do that babies can't (like eat ice cream!) so it makes being the big one a positive thing.

We always talked about her being a big sister rather than us having a new baby as I felt that might give her a role, rather than making her feel pushed out by a new model. And I talked about all the things she'd be able to help me with because she would be big enough and the baby would be too small to do much.

As we got nearer to the time, she chose something to give the baby, and after DD2 was born and DD1 came to the hospital to see her, I made sure the baby was in the crib so I could give DD1 a cuddle without the baby in the way, and when she looked in the crib, the baby had a present for her....

It largely seems to have worked. She adores DD2 (they are now 5 and 18 months). The only real problem I have is when DD2 trashes the lego construction/train tracks/happyland village carefully laid out!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Caillou Fri 07-Nov-14 19:47:16

Thanks baby for sharing,

Like you, it has been a week now that I feel really crap, so I am very tempted to tell her, but I had a miscarriage in January, so I don't want to confuse her.

I have ordered the book there is a house inside my mummy for her.

That's a very good thing you said about telling her she is going to be a big sister rather than a new baby coming.

NoRoomForALittleOne Fri 07-Nov-14 21:36:21

At that age, we didn't tell them, we waited for them to realise. The conversation when I was about 18 weeks pregnant happened in a communal toilet block of all places! I'd taken DD1 into a cubicle for her to have a wee then had one myself. When I was getting re-dressed she asked me why my belly was so big. I asked her why she thought and she asked if there was a baby in there. At that point I said "maybe" and "we'll have to wait and see" as I was hoping to have the 20 week scan first to know that everything was fine. But, she was quite persistent with her questioning over the next couple of days so when she next asked, we told her that she was right.

Pregnancy takes forever in the world of a three year old and we're happy with the decision that we made.

This time round, DD1 is 7 and started wondering at about 12 weeks. I'm surprised she didn't question sooner as I've had hyperemesis and I thought she might put 2+2 together. We told the children after the dating scan so that we could show them scan pics. I had wanted to delay it because I've had complications but so many people were asking and we wanted the children to know before other people did. Sadly I've had more problems since then so things may not work out. For this reason, I wish we had ignored the questioning and not said anything until after the 20 week scan or even at 24 weeks when the baby becomes 'viable' but that is a very personal and probably unusual choice.

Pifflingcodswollop Fri 07-Nov-14 22:06:13

We took a picnic to the beach on a very windy day and got DC1 (preschool) to draw a family portrait in the sand. Then I said it was missing something,drew a big belly on me and a baby inside. DC1 asked who the baby was and then got extremely excited that it was a new baby. We then had a little gift for each,a 'pregnant doll' and the 'there's a house inside my mummy book' DC2 too little to really understand but DC1's excitement very infectious so a lot of jumping around squealing and laughing,it was lovely.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Fri 07-Nov-14 22:26:51

We waited until after the 20 week scan. Then showed them the photos. smile

TwoLittleTerrors Sat 08-Nov-14 05:22:08

I also waited for the 20 week scan. Then I read my 3yo 'there is a house in mummy's tommy'. She wasn't interested in the scan pictures at all. At first she didn't make any comments about baby. But she understood it. As I got bigger she would point at it and asked to touch it. My DD2 was born 7 weeks ago and DD1 would tell people mummy was poorly and then baby popped out of mummy's tummy, and she is good now. It's all very sweet. So far DD1 enjoyed being a big sister.

Cockadoodledooo Sat 08-Nov-14 07:01:31

Ds1 was 5 when ds2 was conceived. He was absolutely desperate for a little brother (and had convinced his preschool teachers over a year before that he was getting one!). I was about 9 weeks when we told him. I had horrendous morning sickness and he was worried I was really poorly (he had - still has - a very old head on his shoulders) so we decided to tell him. He was ecstatic!
We took him to both the 12 and 20 week scans as well.

Ds2 turned 5 recently and although there have been ups and downs they have a really good relationship.

Oh and babybythesea top tip - get a playpen! Not to contain the toddler, but as a safe play space for the older one to leave their Lego etc. unmolested! Best thing we did for ds1 grin

NoRoomForALittleOne Sat 08-Nov-14 09:50:10

Oh, just thought to add that although a three year old will 'get' the idea that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, some just don't understand that the baby really is going to come out and change their life no matter how many books you show them or how much you involve them in preparations.

LouMum14 Sun 09-Nov-14 10:13:42

We're still to tell our seven year old which has been incredibly tough as I've been so ill every day since 5 weeks. I have my 12 week scan on Tuesday and we've been holding on for that and I literally cannot wait!!!! She has been desperate for a sibling for a long time but I just wanted the all clear and to be a few months established before we told her as it such a long time to wait for an adult let alone a child who is baby crazy. grin

Scan is in the morning so can't wait to collect her from school and (touch wood) be able to tell her we have a lovely new baby on the way! Piffling I absolutely love the idea of getting her to draw a picture and then adding baby bump when she is done. I think that might go down very well indeed with ours! So excited! Just hope everything is as it should be!

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