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How do I talk my boyfriend into trying for a baby ?

(7 Posts)
Love2014 Thu 06-Nov-14 23:53:19

Hi, I have just turned 35 and my boyfriend is 30. We live together in our own home and both work. We have been together for the last 3 years and in that time had some amazing and difficult experiences. We have been lucky enough to be able to save up enough money to go backpacking each year we have gone out to an exotic location. That would probably be biggest highlight, along with the fact we are both very active and out and about when ever we have free time. Last few years have also been hard because I have had a miscarriage and lost my father in very tragic circumstances. I now support my mum emotionally quite heavily. The situations good and bad have brought us closer together now. But at the time did cause upset and arguments. My way of coping was to argue with him a lot, take out all my upset on my lovely fella. Which was wrong. Since then I have calmed down a lot and found a way to accept what happened and control my emotions better. But that is all because of my fellas support. I want us to have a baby but he wants to wait longer and doesn't want to try yet, he thinks we should try in another 6 months. But to me it's starting to feel right to try now. We are really happy and think world of each other and I know the baby would bring a lot of joy to the family after all the heart ache we have had. It would be a very well loved child. I don't want to and wouldn't trick him into getting me pregnant. But how do I get him to understand how I feel ? Appreciate any advice you can give. Xxx

AlwaysLurking38 Fri 07-Nov-14 00:21:05

How long ago was your miscarriage? Only asking because I gave birth last year in March ( baby didn't stay for long but that's a whole other story ) I wanted to try again straight away and fell pregnant 6 weeks later but miscarried. Wanted to try again straight away after that and fell pregnant 10 weeks later but miscarried again.

My partner wanted to wait after our son died. I did not. I managed to unfairly convince him to try again but it didn't work out. Same for the 2nd miscarriage. I wish so badly I'd waited. My body wasn't ready for the pregnancys and emotionally my partner and I needed time to grieve for our son.

I sometimes think if I'd of waited 6 months like my partner wanted I would of never of had the two miscarriages. After the 2nd miscarriage my partner was adamant we were waiting a few months. I'm glad he was so adamant because 5 months later we fell pregnant and I'm now 31 weeks with our daughter ( still petrified of losing her though )

I truly know how you feel. The want for a baby is so strong. But I think you and your partner need to agree on when the time is right. You can talk to him and explain how you feel but if he feels you both sent ready yet I personally would respect that. If I had listened to my partner maybe I'd be having my 2nd pregnant now instead of my 4th

Good luck x

Love2014 Fri 07-Nov-14 07:14:56

Thank you for sharing your experience. It puts things in perspective. We had a miscarriage 2 years ago. I did have an urge to want to get pregnant straight away afterwards so know how that feels. But we got pregnant less then a year after going out and we both knew it was too soon to get pregnant then. Before that I had been engaged to someone and gone out with them for 6 years. The breakdown of that relationship was very hard to come to terms with. So being in a new relationship and pregnant probably wasn't where I wanted to be that quickly. I suppose all that helped me get over the miscarriage but didn't feel any less devastated. Think it's my age now that's starting to worry me. I don't want to leave it too much longer and find myself with no kids. Xxxx

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers Fri 07-Nov-14 07:39:32

6 months isn't too long, though I know it can seem like an eternity when you are longing for a baby. Why don't you start preparing your body for pregnancy, taking the right vitamins (you and him) so that it gives you good chances of falling pregnant quickly when the time comes? Enjoy christmas and eat the foods that are banned during pregnancy! Save money for things you'll need for a baby, before you know it 6 months will be up? Maybe even suggest it again in 3 months and his decision might be different :-)

dreamingbohemian Fri 07-Nov-14 07:58:04

I think if he is serious about trying in 6 months (not just stalling) then I would wait. It's not a super long time and there is lots you can do in the meantime, not just preparing physically but trying to save some money. It would be nice to really enjoy the holidays as well, perhaps squeeze in one last trip. But do try to be sure he means it and won't change his mind again later.

dorasee Fri 07-Nov-14 08:58:51

Oh I feel your anxiety (mild?) OP. You're at that sort of 'make or break' age. First I will comfort you. I have 3 kids, my first at 29. But my first marriage dissolved and by 35, I had been a divorced, single woman and mother for 5 years. At 37 I met my now husband and within the year I became pregnant. I had my great blessing at 38. Now at 42, I have given birth to a third baby. He was the best surprise. We were not trying. Why? Because from age 39, I had 3 miscarriages, 1 being a loss/delivery at 24 weeks. My body was screaming "you're old". And I am. Would I have preferred to have had my babies earlier? Of course. But they are here and I am on my knees with thanks every single day...yes, even on the difficult days. I never lose sight of my fortune. The reality is that our egg number and quality decline. Two of my losses had chromosomal abnormalities which had everything to do with age and just plain bad luck. So my advice to you would be this: Should you choose to wait 6 months, get off any form of birth control now. If you have been on it for years, your brain has been giving the message to your body that you don't make babies. So get your body ready. And if you do fall pregnant within the next couple of months, what really will happen? Will your BF 'walk'? What are you afraid of and why dies he have the ultimate say? You've been together 3 years! He ought to be somewhat ready (guys never are ready until they hold that baby and fall in love!). You will never, ever, ever regret having that baby at any time. So please, don't restrict yourselves with a 6 month time frame unless saving money and getting life in order is really, really important. But if you wait for that optimum moment OP it may never come. Sorry to seem harsh. But I really feel your underlying worry.
If I were your sister or mother, I'd be in your ear about it all the time. grin

dorasee Fri 07-Nov-14 09:00:34

Pardon my typos!

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