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How soon to tell people once the baby is born?

(35 Posts)
DoYouWannaBuildaSnowman Thu 30-Oct-14 11:55:44

This is pfb so no idea how I'll feel once baby arrives!

How quickly did you start telling people? Did you have some people that you told earlier and left the rest til later? Or did you want space with the baby before announcing it to anyone?

I know I'll have to wait and see what happens and how we're doing, but I'm trying to manage my family's expectations a bit - my sister is desperate to know everything baby-related straight away, and my mum really struggled when I didn't let her tell all her friends/family I was pregnant until after the scan. So if I'm going to tell them that they might have to wait before finding out that baby has arrived, and then wait until I say it's ok to tell more people, I want to do that sooner rather than later.

And that's before I even get into the "who do I tell I'm in labour" debate!

Any advice? What worked for you?

OhMjh Thu 30-Oct-14 11:59:56

Stalking this as I'm keen to know too! We have a lot of long distance family but the thought of people coming round for hours on end when I'm trying to get the hang of nursing, am very sleep deprived & look and feel like crap is not one which excites me.

TheOriginalWinkly Thu 30-Oct-14 12:12:52

My DSis travelled a fairly long way to be one of my birthing partners, and our parents knew I was in labour because she headed off and our DDad collected her sons from school. I was in labour for a fairly long while, so DSis told them straight away when DD was born as they were getting concerned. DM immediately told her entire family. I texted all my friends from the recovery room.

DD was born around 7.30pm, I got home around 4.30pm the following day after a difficult labour and bad tear. The stream of visitors was constant for days but I was euphoric and driven by adrenaline, and wanted to show off my gorgeous baby to the world. Plus I had no issues getting my boobs out in my own living room! However that was what suited me, and for me waiting would have been worse - I would've felt lonely those first few days, and I felt shittier when DD was about 2 weeks old and the cumulative effects of sleep depravation were telling on me.

My garbled point is - do what suits you best, but don't make any rigid plans yet as you won't know how you'll feel until it happens.

BumpOct2014 Thu 30-Oct-14 12:15:24

I'm not telling anyone when I go into labour. I'm 3 days over my due date and have endured nearly daily txts from several family members since last Thursday (I think?) asking if there is any sign of baby/am I still hanging on (feel like saying 'to what?!') and so on.

I will probably send out a mass txt once baby is born (did the same to say I was pregnant so everyone found out at the same time, although did get complaints about not ringing people angry) so no one is left out.
However, visitors will depend on how We're doing/I'm feeling and I sure my hubby will support this.
I dread the thought of people just dropping in when they want to so they'll all be asked to give us a day or so before they visit.

Although, I did read someone saying they went and visited people so they could make visits as short as they wanted - something I'll be considering if I'm up to it!

Thurlow Thu 30-Oct-14 12:21:29

I told people when I went into labour. My mum had said she didn't want to know, she'd rather avoid the anxious wait which she'd had when SIL was in labour - but she'd phoned when it was in the early stages and then kept phoning for updates over the next few days grin I also told (texted) some friends. But that's personal choice - I like to share things, I was at home, in pain, and excited, I wanted to tell people that this was finally happening.

Called my parents as soon as I was in recovery (emcs). I think DP called his family then too but I can't really remember (he was off with DD in NICU). Texted very close friends who knew I'd been in labour straight away too. Texted the rest of our friends once it got to a reasonable time in the morning.

I agree with not making plans. You never know until you're in labour or the baby is born whether you'll be thinking "I just need to spend some time alone and focus on this" or whether you'll be thinking "wow, this is amazing, I want to tell everyone!"

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 12:23:50

Tell your mum and let her manage the admin. It's a good distraction and They like to be useful grin

Squtternutbaush Thu 30-Oct-14 12:29:07

Don't bother telling people whether you will/won't be letting them know straight away, wait and see how you feel afterwards.

With my first our parents were told I was in labour but asked to keep it quiet and then I asked DP to send out a mass text with gender, weight, time and a quick note that we were doing fine. Within hours I was receiving texts asking when people could visit.

With my Second we did the same but added that I would be in contact to arrange a meet up as we would like to spend some time getting to know our little one.

It was much easier then as I wasn't being badgered for times/dates etc.

purplemurple1 Thu 30-Oct-14 12:33:12

We told immediate family while sitting in delivery waiting for tea and toast and told tthem they could tell others but I'd put something on fb in the next day or so.
BUT we had already established a no visitors at the hospital rule so knew we had a few days to settle into our new life.

EllieQ Thu 30-Oct-14 13:20:28

I'm also expecting DC1 and wondering about this. BIL & SIL had a baby recently - PIL told us about an hour after the birth (they'd been given the job of contacting people), and an announcement (with photo) went on FB that evening.

It made me realise that I would want to tell my family myself, and I wouldn't put anything on FB until all family and close friends knew. I'm not telling anyone I'm in labour, either.

But, I am a private person - we didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until after the 12-week scan, and only put it on FB after all family and close friends knew. I was actually tempted not to put it on FB until after the 20-week scan, but DH wanted to tell people.

We don't live near our families, so I expect visitors will be local (and not stay long) at first, with family visits arranged later on. This is normal for my family - I didn't see one nephew until he was four months old!

Of course, I might change my mind once the baby is here!

WhyOWhyWouldYou Thu 30-Oct-14 13:23:10

Definitely don't tell people when your in labour! They'll only be harassing you for updates or worrying about you.

After a few hours (ds was born at 5-something-am) DH sent a mass text with baby's name, weight, time of birth on. Then he sent an mass email that afternoon, with pics.

Visitors wise unless your the kind of person who likes to show off and be surrounded by lots of people, then tell people you want at least 24hrs just you, DH and baby

kitkat321 Thu 30-Oct-14 13:42:03

I'm not due for another month or so but plan is to not tell anyone when I'm in labour other than DP's mum who will have to watch the dog.

I'll be ignoring any texts asking if the baby is there yet!

When bubs arrives, DP will phone the grandparents and they can spread the news, then it will probably go on facebook.

Hospital visitors will be grandparents and babies aunt & uncle although my aunt announced the other day that she'd be coming to the hospital - good luck love because you won't be getting in!

I've already made it clear that once I'm out of hospital we want no visitor for a good few days to let us adjust - it's our first and we don't know what the hell we are doing so want time to get into a routine before people start turning up at our door. Luckily, we're moving house soon and will be 30 miles away from most family and we won't be in a rush to hand our our new address!! (can you tell I hate visitors at the best of times never mind when I'm dealing with a new baby!)

bouncinbean Thu 30-Oct-14 14:04:28

My other half did the immediate texts to parents and siblings not long after DD was born - in fact I suspect it was when she was having her first breastfeed and he had nothing specific to do at that point!
DD was born at 3pm and I was cleaned up and on the ward by about 5ish. DP stayed with me till visiting time at 7pm when parents and siblings turned up and he went home to shower before coming back later. The benefit of the hospital visit and that I was lucky with the time DD was born was that they got to coo over DD while she slept in her cot and it meant that there was no pressure for early home visit when we got home the next day.
I had never announced my pregnancy other than if I saw people in person so I think it was the next morning that I did my facebook post of a safely delivered baby which came as quite a shock to quite a few people who had no idea I had been pregnant!
I agree though that you can't plan how everything pans out - labour may be long and you may be exhausted or you may be euphoric and can't wait to tell as many people as possible as soon as possible!

excitedforbaba Thu 30-Oct-14 14:04:42

I agree not telling too many when labour starts as I'm dreading the texts & phone calls to see how things are going! Also I don't want either my mum or DP mum worrying for hours

With regards to telling people we will ring both our mums and a few close relatives to tell them the news but all under strict instructions for nothing to go on Facebook! As we would like to announce it ourselves later on in the day.

I think if I have a date to go into be induced I'll add on an extra day or 2 so hopefully I'll have it all over me before the torturing starts! Sounds awful I love my family to bits and they mean well, just sometimes they show a little too much enthusiasm

DoYouWannaBuildaSnowman Thu 30-Oct-14 14:40:02

Thanks for all the replies so far.

Not having a definite plan makes a lot of sense. When we were ttc I spent a lot of time thinking about what we'd do when I got pregnant, and was convinced we'd keep it a secret for the 2 of us and tell our families in person a few weeks later. In the event I was so excited that we told our parents and siblings the day after we found out. My poor dh was getting his ear talked off and I needed someone else to tell!

So waiting to see how we feel at the time sounds like the way forward - I may warn my family that they won't be getting constant updates tho ;)

TheBooMonster Thu 30-Oct-14 14:58:58

MiL was there at the scan they decided to keep me in pending induction, she phoned FiL and my parents and everyone came in to devise an 'action plan' mum contacted family who were holding baby stuff for us to begin arranging for them to bring it down and she phoned Gran and Grandad to prepare them.

DH and Mum started the great family phone round within hours of the birth, then we struggled to keep everyone away, but DD was the first of her generation on both sides. We were visited in the hospital by our parents and my grandparents and sister, everyone else just about managed to wait until we were home. This time round I'm going to try and keep people at bay for at least the first few days if not first week, that way I can wonder round with my boobs out and not feel inclined to be wonder Woman!

EllaJayne123 Thu 30-Oct-14 15:04:32

Facebook new my DD had been born before I did! I had an emcs under GA so was knock out when they bought dd to dp, it was a good 3 hours before I woke up to meet her so in that time DP was so bored with a sleeping baby he took loads of pics and posted it on Facebook.. I woke up to allot of congratulations messages!

TarkaTheOtter Thu 30-Oct-14 15:04:47

It can be quite useful having visitors in hospital (if you end up staying in that is). The visits will be naturally short and manageable, they can bring snacks/magazines, you won't feel obliged to "host".
Just do what feels right. With dc1 we didn't tell anyone my induction date (planned early induction) which was a good thing as there were delays. We then told our parents and siblings within about an hour of birth and let them tell wider family. Second time round the only thing I cared about was dd meeting her brother first without too many other visitors present.

curiousgeorgie Thu 30-Oct-14 15:07:04

DD1 was born at 9.58am and we told our parents immediately, they told our siblings and close family.

I put a picture of her on facebook that evening, but I loved all the messages and texts. It was amazing grin

curiousgeorgie Thu 30-Oct-14 15:07:58

DD2 was born quite late in the afternoon, and we told everyone in the family that evening and did a facebook announcement the next day...

montymonty Thu 30-Oct-14 15:08:05

I think we'll tell both mums when I go into labour, and they can then let everyone else know when the baby's born!

whiteblankpage Thu 30-Oct-14 15:42:05

I'm pregnant with my third, and the only person who will know I'm in labour will be my mum, who will be watching my daughters and the dog.
This is my husband's first baby though, and I have had to be clear that I will not be up to hosting - I want to be able to labour/contract/be in pain in privacy, without worrying about his folks calling round or texting incessantly. They are lovely people really but there are limits.
I've also said that I'd like to focus on some proper bonding time after birth, at least an hour for cuddles and cups of tea and first feeds, with out phones etc. After that, he's really excited about picking up the phone and calling everyone to tell them he's a daddy.
I think it really depends on how you feel, I'm quite private so maybe that's why I prefer my way smile

Dogsmom Thu 30-Oct-14 20:25:55

My husband text our parents within a few minutes of her being born purely because she's their grandaughter and they obviously liked to know she was here safe and sound.

We then put a facebook post on a few hours later to let the wider family and friends know in one go.

Luckily we have nobody who was tactless enough to even think about turning up unannounced.

mrsmilkymoo Thu 30-Oct-14 20:45:30

I texted my mum and sister when I went into labour, and dh texted when it was decided I needed a c section. He meant to text 'tired baby' but texted 'three baby', so they thought for a while I might be having triplets! He then called both sets of parents while I was munching away on toast at 2am. They were too far away to visit immediately but all wanted to know as soon as dd was born. I think it was about 7am when I updated Facebook.

WorkingBling Sat 01-Nov-14 08:11:52

I think it's sad that people don't feel they can tell famy they are in labour or immediately after birth. Having said that, both mine and dh families are v respectful so while they knew I was in hospital (induction) they say on their hands and worried without texting or calling us. Dh texted my mum a bit in the beginning but they didn't bug us once he went silent.

Ditto, I had family visit in hospital but again everyone was very sensitive and asked first. Similarly at home friends came round but only at agreed times.

So for me, telling people was never a stress because I didn't have to worry about pushy in laws turning up to wait in the labour ward or endless calls from great aunt may or whatever.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 01-Nov-14 08:22:29

I was in labour ten days ago with dc2. I needed my folks for childcare of.dd1 so they knew, and we text dhs folks once id been examined and told id be staying in. I also have a whatsapp thread going with my three closest friends so I messaged to say I was going in to be checked over.

Baby arrived two hours later grin so we called both sets of parents an hour after baby arrived, then I sent an update over whatsapp to my friends.

Then we text anyone who we thought would get offended at finding out over FB a couple of hours after that.

FB announcement a couple of hours after that again.

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