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how to help a child deal with mothrs pregnacy

(5 Posts)
fletcher992 Thu 30-Oct-14 10:14:07

am asking for advice on behalf of my friend who has a nearly 5 year old girl - ivy.
she found out recently she is around 6mths pregnant so has been rushing trying to sort things as her partner is away working.
since she told ivy she might be having a brother or sister her behaviour has got terrible, throwing tantrums, hitting and biting other children and scraming whenever baby is mentioned.
her mum has tried including her in choosing new baby stuff including a trip to toy shop for her as well, as babys room is being decorated she will also do ivys room but shes refusing to even pick out her own stuff, refusing to look through old clothes and toys from when she was a baby and acting up at grandmas and nursery. nursery have had to put her in time out most of past few weeks and have had acounsellor in to have a chat as trying to throw dolls out window and hitting them so of course mum is worried about the new baby.
shes took her to all appointmnts but just ignored pics on screens and ignored nurse when asked questions.
ivy will have to go to her grandmas during labour as partner wont be back for a few months but she is worried about behaviour and how she will accept an actual baby. shes trying to spend lots of time with her now but is feeling very stressed and goes to bed crying some nights as doesnt feel she can cope.
ivy has been around babies before with no issues but seems to be struggling to cope with that she wont be the only child anymore
any advice as mum doesnt feel she can bring a real baby home without having someone there with ivy every second of the day watching her

fletcher992 Mon 03-Nov-14 23:09:31

any advice?
mums in hospital again so weve got her little girl and behaviour is fine at moment

PrettyPictures92 Mon 03-Nov-14 23:15:49

Has anyone tried asking the little girl why she's so upset/angry at a new baby? Maybe she's scared of being left out or forgotten. If everything has suddenly been about the baby it's not really any wonder she's acting up.

She may change when the baby gets here. Maybe just feeling a bit insecure right now.

PerpetualStudent Tue 04-Nov-14 11:25:10

Perhaps this sounds mean, but I would suggest trying to involve her less?

From what you describe, it sounds like the daughter is getting a lot of new baby info and activities - of course preparing her is right and important, but perhaps it is a little too much for her?

Maybe just really laying off the baby chat with her for a bit could be good?Just get on with things & perhaps she will calm down/start to take an interest in her own time?

I would almost take a very factual attitude that "mummy is having a baby, this will be an exciting change for you, but it is happening no matter what so no need to talk about it too much"

You say your friend is worried about bringing the baby home, but after all leaving it in hospital isn't really an option is it?!

If she's afraid the daughter will physically hurt the baby, the mum or herself that's a broader behaviour issue that needs solving in collaboration with nursery/other organisations. But it sounds like this is specific tantrums that could well work themselves out with time and space

fletcher992 Thu 06-Nov-14 14:22:46

ivy doesnot want a brother or sister at all, i think she is used to all the attention for herself. but she has said in her own words she doesnt want one.
the health worker and hospital told mum to involve her in as much as possible to get her interested but that doesnt seem to help. we have been looking after her while she goes to hospital appointments and shopping now as it gets very stressful.
mum is worried about bringing baby home due to abusive behaviour towards younger children and dolls at nursery. we are looking into aranging a support network till dad gets home so she will never be alone with both of them incase anything does happen.
other friends kids have had a tantum then got used to the idea as they got lots of new things too.
is there any specialists or groups they could take her to see to talk things through that could help without being too "talky"
i think as she found out so late that she is having to rush to get everything done. we are looking into online ordering of baby stuff now and will probably get someone to come in and sort the nursery decorations etc for her to take stress off her.

shes just had so much advice given herself from varying people on how to involve ivy that its all confusing. shes been given books for her to read about having a new baby sibling and bought her new dolls and stuff

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