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7weeks and babies Father having second thoughts!!!

(8 Posts)
sianilovesbeingamummy Wed 22-Oct-14 23:17:21

I found out i was pregnant 2weeks ago nearly and both myself and my partner were thrilled, we had planned this pregnancy, although it did happen a little sooner than we expected.

To try and cut a long story short me and my partner split 1 year ago after DV..... Over the past year i was in a relationship with someone else which ended just before getting back with my ex, the Father of my 2 children and unborn child. We have only been back together for 2months now!!!
Everything was great at first but recently he has been very stand offish. We dont live together at the moment as we were taking this step by step, regardless of falling pregnant so soon, but when he has stayed lately he has been restless, getting up in the middle of the night and spending it on the sofa or just returning to his own home!!!

Anyway, i had a phone call from him tonight stating the reason he has been so off lately is because he cant trust me and thinks i am still in touch with my ex. I must state that i changed my mobile number, house phone number and deavtivated my facebook account so my ex could not get in touch, and he lives 4.5 hours away from me so no chance of bumping into one another!!!! Now he says he needs time to think and sort his head out.
When we got back together i emphasised the importance of ex's not coming up in conversation whatsoever and the fact i had been in another relationship could not get in the way of us starting over. He agreed on all of these things with no doubts at all. I dont feel he is being very fair at all. Not only am i an emotional wreck with every early pregnancy symptom going, which he also admits he doesnt understand, but he is confusing my 2 children too, one minute Daddy doesnt see them everyday, the next they are spending day in day out with him and now he is literally seeing them for an hour before they go to bed.
I just dont know what to do for the best now!!! He expects me to wait whilst he sorts his head out but im not sure this is acceptable behaviour.

juneavrile Thu 23-Oct-14 07:33:58

That's a lot of change in a short period of time. Would it help both of you to go to Relate, or some other counselling. I wonder whether having a third party might help you work things out and create a sense of making a fresh start?

sianilovesbeingamummy Thu 23-Oct-14 07:35:44

im just annoyed that he could get me pregnant and then start to think if it is what he wants. If this was the case he should have said something sooner. I just feel he is being selfish all of a sudden.

Figster Thu 23-Oct-14 08:34:10

Of course it's not acceptable but are you surprised at his behaviour when you've previously split due to DV that should have been a petty big flag as to his character.

As you say it's impacting on your children tell him to stay away for good.

minmooch Thu 23-Oct-14 08:40:08

He didn't get you pregnant - this is a choice you both made. Probably too early in your new togetherness but then hindsight is a great thing.

I would concentrate on your pregnancy only for the moment. Do you want to keep the baby, whatever the outcome of your relationship? If so carry on with the pregnancy and keep things stable for your older children. Your DP sounds like a child himself and I wouldn't want a manchild in my life, especially one prone to DV.

sianilovesbeingamummy Thu 23-Oct-14 11:02:19

you are right minmooch it is a decision we both made, we didnt think it would happen so soon but the time in which it took to conceive was not an issue for us. Yes he can be a child and he needs pointing in the right direction constantly. Yes i most definitely am keeping my baby, no question or doubt about that whatsoever. I always put my children first, they are and always will be my number one and main priority

Annarose2014 Thu 23-Oct-14 11:45:02

DV is notorious for escalating (or reoccuring) during Pregnancy. It is never a good idea to purposefully get pregnant with a man who has a history of DV, particularly such a recent one.

International studies show that 25% of women are abused for the first time during pregnancy. Of course, with you it would not be the first time. Women who were abused before are at an even higher risk of abuse. Pregnant women are over 60% more likely to be beaten than non-pregnant women.

I see difficult times for you ahead, and would urge you please not to even consider letting him move back in during your entire pregnancy. These forums are littered with stories of women who were attacked right up to their due date, with some even going into early labour because of it.

His behaviour has already deteriorated as a result of the pregnancy and its only been a few weeks. His paranoia is escalating, as is his feeling of being the victim here (you must be cheating on him). Next he will accuse the baby of being your exes.

Please be aware of your risks, as it doesn't sound like you are fully.

eastmidswarwicknightnanny Thu 23-Oct-14 15:55:44

I echo what Anna has written protect yourself and your unborn baby n children do they really need to be witnessing dv again. Please endure u tell your midwife of history of dv

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