It's the middle of the night and I am having a mild panic attack. Unsure of what to do with myself, I am seeking help here...
I have a history of health anxiety since losing my dad almost five years ago to cancer, then having 3 miscarriages, complications, 3 lots of surgeries etc.
I have spent a lot of time (and quite a bit of money- no NHS where I live) to seek help and have been much better in the last year or so. Got pregnant unexpectedly (completely unplanned, was on contraception) in April and I
M now 19 weeks. Managed to deal well with the first trimester,was fairly laid back (for me) and with the help if my gynaecologist who offered me weekly/bi-weekly scans made it into the second one quite happily.
In the last couple of weeks I have started worrying myself sick. First it was my cervix, for which I have indications, because of several D&Cs and surgeries that it might be incompetent. I have had it checked, it seems to be behaving, I keep having it checked.
Last week I started worrying about preeclampsia, then this week it is whether I am leaking amniotic fluid.... At times I am fine, at others I am completely consumed by fear if losing this baby. I feel responsible for keeping him alive and I know that at this stage in pregnancy there's not much they can do if something does go horribly wrong...
I find it really hard to sleep through the night and enjoy my life, but only some of the time. I feel guilty for being "absent-minded" and not quite all there with my DS and I feel it's not fair on him. But most of all I am really, really scared that something really is wrong and I will have to deliver my baby early only for it to die...
I know the thoughts can be intrusive, usually linked to a symptom, like today, increased discharge. My gynaecologist must be sick of me and I feel embarrassed to call him now... Do I pull myself together and battle on, do I share my concerns with him? How do I keep going???
Thanks for reading.
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Health anxiety in pregnancy - Help please?
24 replies
joeschmoesmum · 03/09/2014 02:00
OP posts:
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