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Help! I don't know what to do!

(14 Posts)
Becca1818 Thu 28-Aug-14 07:24:47

I'm booked in for the quads test at 10am today. DP said last night that he didn't want me to have it done which is the first he's mentioned about it! So now I don't know what to do do I go anyway and pray it's a low risk result or do I not go and worry for the next 5 months?


Becca1818 Thu 28-Aug-14 07:25:58

Just to add should I leave the appointment a week and so we can discuss it properly I am 16+4 or will that be too late?

I am panicking now.

hullabaloo234 Thu 28-Aug-14 07:29:24

Hi becca

Did your OH explain fully why he doesn't want you to have it, or does it seem a spur of the moment decision? What is your feeling on this,do you want it? You say about worrying for the next 5 months, does your OH know that this will be the case?

hullabaloo234 Thu 28-Aug-14 07:33:44

It's my understanding that the test can be done anywhere between we and 20 weeks, bit I may be wrong as it's a while since I've been pregnant! I'm sure someone else who's had it done recently will be able to advise xx

Becca1818 Thu 28-Aug-14 07:39:01

Hi hullabaloo. I think he didn't want to say anything before in case he upset me but I think he's now fairly attached to the baby already and said he would love it no matter what and if the results were high risk would we have a termination. And I just don't know what I'd do. I did explain that I'd worry for the remainder. He's said now I should just go and get it done

hullabaloo234 Thu 28-Aug-14 08:22:23

I can understand where he is coming from as I myself didn't get the test last time for the same reason. However, I can also see it from your side too.

If not knowing is going to cause you massive anxiety and stop you from enjoying your pregnancy then massively be you should have it done and put your mind at ease.

In the meantime, perhaps you and your OH can sit and talk through how you might move forward if the results are unfavourable.

Wishing you the very best of luck, I hope it all works out ok for you xxx

WhyOWhyWouldYou Thu 28-Aug-14 09:17:33

Why do you phone up and see if its ok to delay a week so that you and dp can discuss and have a bit more time to decide?

WhyOWhyWouldYou Thu 28-Aug-14 09:18:51


JennyBlueWren Thu 28-Aug-14 09:36:17

I want to know if baby has any difficulties so we can prepared for it, not so we can terminate. I did wonder when going for the Nuchal test whether we should or not but thought I'd rather know.

Becca1818 Thu 28-Aug-14 10:19:39

I called the unit and delayed the test until next week so me and oh can sit down and discuss everything properly.

I want to know so I can be prepared but i don't want to know incase it's bad news. It's such a tough decision.

My mum said that when I was born you didn't even have the test available.

ElleDubloo Thu 28-Aug-14 10:36:03

During early pregnancy my OH and I discussed this too. We decided that we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy under any circumstances.

We decided to go ahead with the initial screening test, because:
1. It's based on bloods and ultrasound, which need to be done anyway, i.e. there are no actual extra tests involved.
2. If it showed low risk (which it did) we would then stop worrying for the rest of the pregnancy.
3. If it showed high risk, we would be more mentally prepared.

For me, worrying about a negative outcome is actually worse than knowing about it in advance. I can cope with any range of adversities if I'm mentally prepared, but I don't enjoy worrying about something that may or may not happen. Is it the same for you?

We decided that, if screening showed a high risk, we would not have amniocentesis or CVS. This is because these diagnostic procedures carry a 1% risk of miscarriage, and we wouldn't abort the baby even she has a problem.

I don't know if this helps with your own decision-making. Hope you and your partner can reach a decision that you're both happy with. Take care.

Hurr1cane Thu 28-Aug-14 10:48:25

Also, they can't test for everything really anyway. That's why I decided against it when I was pregnant. But if I had another Again I would accept the test. It's such a personal choice though.

Becca1818 Thu 28-Aug-14 10:58:28

Elle that's exactly how I am. I am a worrier anyway and if I don't know I will just worry even more! Pregnancy seems to bring out my pesimistic side even more than normal!

Hurr1cane - it definitely is and I've never been in this position before and don't know what to do for the best.

We'd always said that if we got pregnant and found out there was something seriously wrong we would terminate but now I'm actually pregnant and fairly attached to the baby after seeing it I don't think that's something either of us would be able to do. But on the other hand I don't know how to look after a healthy baby let alone one that may have health complications. sad

Hurr1cane Thu 28-Aug-14 14:10:50

You're worried about looking after any baby let alone one with health complications.

It is worrying, but let me tell you my story.

I was 17 when I got pregnant. I was terrified but I had a perfect little boy and the parenting thing just happened. You learn as you go.

When DS was 4 he had a horrible severe brain regression, lost all his skills and developed some health problems and disabilities, plus severe challenging behaviour. At that time I was 21/22 and a single mother.

DS has autism now caused by the brain regression, a heart murmur, seizures, Reynauds, high arches, double incontinence, severe learning disabilities, just to name a few.

The cause of the initial regression and subsequent regressions is yet unknown, they think it's a rare genetic disorder, but one they have not found and named yet. So he is going into research studies. They wouldn't have found this on any prenatal tests.

DS is 8 now, the house is set up for him, I've fought for him to go to the best special schools available here, I do everything I can, on my own and I don't even feel that exhausted by it most days.

The thing is, that you just do it, you just deal with everything, from the usual weaning, night feeds and toilet training, to seizures and special needs.

As long as you have love. Which is sounds like you have in spades for a baby that isn't even here yet.

It's pointless stressing about the unknown, just enjoy the now. You are pregnant with a gorgeous little baby and you are going to get gorgeous baby cuddles!

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