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collegues spreading news that isnt theirs to share! :(

(9 Posts)
DragonFlyx Mon 25-Aug-14 10:39:56

I'm 14 weeks and iv been keeping the news private intil my first scan (having to wait till 15 weeks for some unknown reason) iv told the 'important' people at work IE supervisors, management etc. Because of the late scan date it's adding to my frustrations because I want to see my baby to see that everything is ok, I know women to tell everyone and soon miscarriage after the 11 week 'safe' time.

Now I have regulars at our restaurant approach me to congratulate me, staff members I barely ever see...

No one will tell me who is spreading the news, it was agreed it was told in confidence and I explained why I told themand why it was important to me to keep it quiet till I know everything is ok.

I was told im being ungrateful for everyone's well wishes,

Am I in the wrong for feeling upset about this? I don't want anyone to think bad of me for not being happy when people congratulate me or ask me how it's going.

MrsCK Mon 25-Aug-14 10:48:42

Oh don't worry...This happened to me too. I was so so upset and ended up announcing before the scan. We had a scan at 8 weeks and saw a hb though so slightly different. I just responded by saying oh...Thanks. It isn't actually common knowledge so whoever told you had broken my trust. that normally put a stop to it and it got back to the person who had told that I was pretty pissed off!

even more annoying for me was when in passing I said to the 'spreader' that someone knew...and they acted all angry on my behalf and I later found out it was them who had told! I was fuming!!!

TheBuggerlugs Mon 25-Aug-14 11:36:56

After having to tell people I'd had a miscarriage you ANBU at all. They are being insensitive and unfair.

tiggy2610 Tue 26-Aug-14 05:58:45

This happened to me and I felt the same way as you - more than a little miffed!

Initially only my two closest colleagues knew about the pregnancy and this was only because it's an IVF baby and they knew why I was taking regular time for hospital appointments etc...

I suffered from a severe case of "infertility panic" even after getting pregnant and really struggled with telling family, let alone work. I was convinced something would go wrong of I let the world know so when random people started congratulating me I was not impressed!

Chottie Tue 26-Aug-14 06:51:08

I hear your pain OP. It is not their news to share and I don't think anything should have been said publicly until the news came from you. I can quite understand how you feel and YANBU at all.

sara87 Tue 26-Aug-14 07:21:00

i had the same thing at work! Random people i didn't even talk to came to talk to me about how it was going and if i was planning to continue working full-term?
Got soo pissed, went home and cried a river. then talked to the colleague who got to know through someone to stop it right away also asked him who told him? as i had only told very few close friends till then. and what i got was 'its so apparant, you are showing!' it really got me down and i cried over and over at home. DH told me it was my hormones...but it was very hurting.
damn pissed still at him! i wasn't showing then infact i lost few kilos by 12th week.
why do people do that? i wish they had some sense knocked into them. its your news and yours to keep for as long as you want. but do stabd up and tell them to stop right away..else they will have the pleasure and feel more at liberty to comment on your size, walk, diet etc etc etc considering its their right! :-(

BranchingOut Tue 26-Aug-14 07:33:43

I think, on balance, be thankful for people's good wishes. Although it is less than ideal that someone would break your confidence in that way.

Several of my colleagues were quite hostile towards me during pregnancy. I was newly appointed to a senior post and not 'supposed' to get pregnant. In fact, when I did tell my boss, the first thing she said was that almost all my colleagues had asked her if I was pregnant in the last couple of weeks - cheers for that guys! Very few colleagues congratulated me, asked about my plans or wished me well - the people who did were women who had older children. I even had to make my own speech at a staff party that was happening on my last day. And all that was beside the official difficulties I had with my employer during my pregnancy.

Infinitely relieved that I never went back!

DragonFlyx Tue 26-Aug-14 11:09:38

Iv noticed people's change in attitudes too as mentioned above. It's strange and I seem to get alot of grief if I call in sick. Been there for two and a half years,only having a week off in that time plus 3 days since becoming pregnant because of sickness got so bad. Now I'm scared to call in sick, I work myself up so badly because I'm scared of what people will saywhen I do!

It's strange, we was all a close bunch of friends and suddenly, no one seems to askif I'm ok at the start of our shifts, awkward when all in the staff room and its like their cogs are turning thinking about what to say to me!

when asked, no one will admit they have said anything or say who has said it... More upsetting that it's come from supervisors or management and I'm sure they have a duty to keep things confidentual!

Greyhound Tue 26-Aug-14 11:14:33

That's really annoying but, I fear, as soon as you tell one person, suddenly everyone knows.

I remember being annoyed because I had to take time off work because I'd had a miscarriage. I'd only told one person - my team leader - that I was pregnant but had miscarried but, when I returned to work, I had endless people coming up and consoling me. I found that very hard to handle and was very annoyed with the team manager.

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