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Hormonal and feeling left out...(8 Posts)
Long time lurker and first ever post so be nice :-)
It's my first pregnancy and baby due next Friday and I feel a bit let down by my friends. I'm last of the group to have a baby so I know all the excitement has been done before, but this is my first so I need a bit of the excitement too...
Background is, we've always had a get together of the girls a few weeks before any of the babies were due, had a nice dinner and chat and then had a token bunch of flowers or little present for whoever was expecting. Earlier this year one of the girls was bed bound for the last few months of her pregnancy so I organised a collection and got her some spa vouchers to use after baby was born to cheer her up as she was very down and depressed because of her condition.
Even among the girls at work we have always done something for whoever was going off to have a baby, be it a nice lunch or vouchers for some pampering treats for the mum to be before baby comes.
Well now it's my turn, and I've had nothing special done for me at all. Don't get me wrong, I don't want be be treated like a princess, but I'd have liked to been acknowledged in some way! Last day at work for 6 months on Friday and most people were off on annual leave because it's a bank holiday weekend. I didn't expect anyone to change holiday plans because of me, but I felt a bit down leaving the office because there wasn't really anyone there to say goodbye or wish me well. That, along with not hearing from any of my girlfriends has left me feeling a bit down. Don't think there's any chance of them organising dinner between now and my due date (it normally takes a few months to organise a night that suits everyone lol) so I'm a bit upset about that considering I've organised so much for them in the past.
No real question for you to answer, just had to have a moan and get it all off my chest thanks for reading...
That is a bit rubbish, I'd be disappointed too. Understandable that they all probably have busy lives with their children now but it'd have been nice for them to remember the effort you and others went to when they were pregnant, and how it made them feel.
Can you do something nice with your DP instead? A night or two away together before your world implodes?
Congratulations and good luck
That sounds disappointing. What a lovely thing to do for one another! I'm sure your friends loved what you did for them.
Is there anyone in the group who you feel especially close to and could explain how you feel? I know you said it is unlikely that everyone would be free, but friends have a way of finding time or coming up with another idea instead (something after the birth or who knows?) . It's also amazing how people respond when you tell them simply how you feel and what you'd like. You never know what they might come up with.
I think I'd get in touch with your friends and say "I'm organising a meal out before the baby arrives" and give then a time/date/place and ask them to confirm if they're coming so you can book a table - even if it turns out only one or two people can make it I'm sure you'll have a nice time.
I'd probably do the same with work friends, email in and say you missed the chance to say bye to a lot of people so you'll be at (insert cafe/restaurant/pub) for a casual lunch/dinner and if anyone can come along you'd love to see them.
They are probably just used to you being the organiser!
Don't sit by the phone waiting for your --useless- friends - get organising. Just pick a date and find out who can come.
Thanks for the replies. Think I may take your advice on board and send a group text out today asking who's free over the next 4 days to meet for a chat over dinner. Suppose I'm so wrapped up in my due date it's all I think about now whereas they may still be thinking I have another few weeks. No point wallowing in my own misery, I'll try put a positive spin on things
People will often get used to you doing the organisation for them and then forget to return the favour! I do a lot of baking for friends and then end up with nothing so now I have started to make joking comments in what I hope is not a passive aggressive way but it does seem to work.
Hope you get something nice sorted and good luck with the new arrival!
I agree with PP about you being the 'organiser' but is really is no excuse. I'm the 'organiser' out of my mates, most of whom have kids and/or busy careers: but they have booked a nice Sunday roast for me and a whip round for a baby charity as I said 'no presents'. Only took a phonecall and a FB 'invite'.
I think as PP have said you should either speak to one about how you feel or book something and invite them (but do no more- except maybe mention past events as a hint for them to add some pzazz!).
It is a cheek though.
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