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Pregnancy

your partners attitude to sex in pregnancy (sorry if tmi)

20 replies

crazylady321 · 20/08/2014 23:20

Curious to how other men react really we have always had a very active sex life and since found out pregnant hes gone all over protective and gone bit oTT I think with the stupid things hes saying(wont even write it as its cringeworthy). I have explained its perfectly fine for us to act normal and he says he knows, Hes still got his appetite and Me been pregnant isnt putting him off me as such.

Want him to relax abit more stop asking if im ok every second, and just crack on as before . He has a child with an ex but they spilt for a while when she was pregnant so this is more or less his first experience with a pregnant lady. My ex was put off by me been pregnant each time so im over the moon hes still showing me interest but like I say I want him to unwind and just forget if he can that im expecting.

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crazylady321 · 21/08/2014 16:12

just bumping this as something im really curious about and could do with a few pointers to relax OH

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SeaSaltMill · 21/08/2014 16:21

Ours has dwindled, but only cos I had some spotting after sex early on and since then I've been so tired I go to bed before him.

Gonna try and rekindle things this weekend! He doesn't find it odd I don't think, but as I get bigger I'm prepared that he might.

crazylady321 · 21/08/2014 16:27

Thanks, yer im cautious of him seeing me getting bigger as feel huge already just at 20 weeks says hes not botherd.. We suffered an early miscarriage last year and I think thats why hes been a bit cautious he says its not but not sure hes quite sensitive.

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Thurlow · 21/08/2014 16:30

I think some men can find it a bit uncomfortable. They know in their rational mind that there is nothing wrong and it can't harm the baby, but it can still make them less keen. As my OH explained it when I was pg, it wasn't anything about me or how I looked, just he struggled with a mental block that there was a baby just a few inches away

katiegee · 21/08/2014 16:33

Ours is practically non-existent at the moment. Im 24 weeks and I reckon weve had sex about five times since I found out I was pregnant. At the start it was mainly down to me being so tired and nauseous. But now, its mainly because hes freaked out about the baby feeling something/ knowing whats going on! And any time we have had sex I get the Are you okay? Is this hurting? Questions every five minutes. Of course, I have reassured him and a midwife has reassured him that the baby will be oblivious, but to no end. The funny thing is, were both doctors so he knows this in his head, I guess when it becomes personal its different if that makes sense?

To be honest, Im not that bothered at the moment still finding myself quite tired at times and my desire for sex has diminished a lot. Hopefully well get back to normal once baby is here!

Loveallmyboys · 21/08/2014 16:37

It's more me than him(I think). I'm still slim but got this mega bump in the way! All the websites etc say 'bloke behind' works best in these situations but I don't really like doing that. Could be anyone back there! Haha. I'm aware that I look different so feel self conscious about being in my birthday suit around him now. Plus, how the hell can you be sexy with a flat navel, huge bump, questionable shaving skills, and massive nipples?! Ugh

HollyBen · 21/08/2014 16:42

I am 12 weeks. Since getting the bfp we have had sex 3 or 4 times. This is not massively different for us as we also have a 3 yo DD. However when I was pg with DD (tmi) there was no stopping us. DH loved seeing my belly get bigger knowing it was our lo. I never found it uncomfortable even up to a few days before dd was born. I guess in the same way some woman go off sex when pg some men do too.

EllaJayne123 · 21/08/2014 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohthegoats · 21/08/2014 18:19

I found that orgasms helped with the sicky feeling in the first trimester - I had to sometimes battle through the 'what really? right now?' feeling, but it was worth it afterwards. Now sex calms the baby down, which helps getting me off to sleep.

JennyBlueWren · 21/08/2014 18:54

We used to be not that active until TTC then very frequent! To start with he said he didn't like the idea of sex while I was pregnant but we DTD a few times. Now (13 weeks) we've not had sex for ages but I've been exhausted and he's got sore shoulders so that might be part of it. Still get my cuddles when I demand it though so I'm happy!

squizita · 21/08/2014 18:58

We haven't been able to do full PIV sex purely for practical reasons: I was on anti coagulants for a high risk pregnancy and have a spotting cervix at the best of times. Therefore, it would bleed. And being a high risk pregnancy that meant literally all day in hospital, scans etc' every time.
Even with us there wasn't a risk as such. It was literally that I'd feel obliged to go in (in case coincidentally something was wrong adding to the bleed) so we just didn't.
So we were intimate but not full sex.

Now the baby is huge (36+6) and moves a lot, TBH we've both gone off it. It's hard to figure out a comfy position and baby objects vigorously to being woken up and the feet start kicking out the bump grumpily (DH is like "I've had neighbours bang on the wall in my time... but this is all-together more disturbing!" LOL).

I'm not sure what to suggest as it sounds like your OH knows it won't hurt you/baby but still feels it might. Maybe look it up on the NHS website or mumsnet or NCT website: some people are very reassured by facts and figures from official sources.

Honeybear30 · 21/08/2014 20:50

To add a complete alternative my DH cannot get enough of it! It was always me that pestered for it before but since being pregnant I'm not all that interested. It's like my body is telling me there is no point. But he find pregnancy the most sexy thing there is and would happily have it every day if I was up for it! I've found that to get me to relax we've spent more time on massage and kissing and cuddling, maybe this could help your DH get in the mood and forget about the baby bump in the way?

neversleepagain · 21/08/2014 21:26

We had sex once during my pregnancy. My choice. DH was OK with it.

UpUpAndAway123 · 21/08/2014 23:06

No change here Makes me laugh when friend's husbands are frightened of 'poking' the baby.....they obviously think highly of their manhoods

redexpat · 22/08/2014 10:51

DH cant keep his hands off me. He asked for a bj the other night, and I told him no, I needed to feel really sexy and I just felt like a whale. His response? A very sexy whale.

Can't blame the guy for trying.

DrewsWife · 22/08/2014 10:53

Ours has dwindled to nothing. My hips ache. I'm bloated. I don't feel sexy. He finds me really sexy still but I'm a whale.

We have tried but my body Shuts down and I can't let him in. Stupid brain!

crazylady321 · 22/08/2014 17:02

Thank you for all your replies its nice to know :).

We are child free tonight so going to have a romantic night with hopefully no baby talk. He is still very much up for it so I know thats not the problem but its like hes anxious through out, been getting alot of hip pain aswell so hes always checking its not hurting me, im over the moon he cares but this is my 4th pregnancy (5th counting m/c) im tougher than I look ha! he should know this by now

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buddhabee · 24/08/2014 09:06

In the first few weeks I was scared of him breaking me lol but since I have been feeling better in the last few weeks we have done it a couple of times a week - have to admit I don't find it very comfortable as can't find a comfy position where boobs bump (only 10 weeks but it's still there if you know what I mean)! How long did you ladies still have sex in the missionary position??

ErmagerdANerknerm · 24/08/2014 09:20

I'm 24 weeks and ours is a bit more active than before pregnancy... Honestly don't know when I could have conceived because of a rather dry patch! I don't feel sexy by any means, I'm bloated and my boobs have tripled in size already but I'm not going to let that put me off, he has seen me in worse states

As for missionary position, we are still doing that now he just can't put his weight on my belly, by far the most comfortable positions are with him behind at the minute. I find being on top really uncomfortable right now, like the sheer weight of my belly is just too much for my legs to lift and I don't even dare look down and grace him with the presence of my 4 chins

crazylady321 · 25/08/2014 23:00

Im 21 weeks today and we too have still been doing missionary but it is getting harder he cant pout his weight on me and tbh I think we need to stop attempting it as hes more anxious but ive been prefering it witH the hip pain. Ive been hanging my legs off the bed and hes come at me from the floor buit its bit awkward

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