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Can anyone advise or hold my hand whilst I worry for the next 9 months!

(13 Posts)
frenchfry Tue 12-Aug-14 10:23:42

I posted a few days ago, I had an inkling of being pregnant.

Well that line is slowly appearing more and more each day so I think it's safe to say this is happening, I came off my pill a fe weeks ago and haven't had anything really to suggest a normal cycle but the line of the test is only just showing so I can't be more than a couple of weeks.

I need to tell someone about my worries, I've spoken to DP but all he can do is give me a hug and listen, I'm not sure what can be done.

I have 3 children, my first birth was 11 hours induced. Fine.

But with the second and third I wasn't induced but I also had no clue that I was in labour until suddenly I was ready to push out a baby. No contractions (that I felt) or anything.

DS3 for instance was 9 minutes from my waters gushing to delivery. No inclination before hand that I was giving birth.

I get SPD to the point of being wheelchair bound and last time I was hospitalised for the last 4 weeks, luckily otherwise DS3 would have been born god knows where.

I don't know if it's the SPD that doesn't allow me to feel contractions, I am always in such extreme pain with my sellers fed pelvis that I don't know if it masks labour pain iyswim.

I live further away for me hospital this time and I'm worried if the same happens again, what will I do?
I won't get to the hospital in time.
A midwife wouldn't get here in time (not that I'm a candidate for a home birth)
An ambulance wouldn't get here in time.

I'm a high risk birth, I have a history of blood clots so spend my pregnancies on clexain, so giving birth unexpectedly at home would be disastrous with my blood thinned right down.

I'm terrified. Since the first inkling that I may be pregnant again I've not slept it's just been going round and round in my head.

I'm afraid the midwives and consultants won't take me seriously, I told them when I was pregnant last time about not feeling contraction with DS2 and they gave me a pat on the head and a tinkly patronising laugh, everyone just says "oh you'll know when it's time" regardless it seems of history to suggest otherwise.

I think I want a c-section to put my mind at ease but I birth so easily I'm not sure they'll let me.

I'm not sure I can take 9 months of this worry though.

I know it's early days and obviously I'll talk to the midwife and consultant ASAP but I'm still sick with worry.

I don't think I ever got over the shock of DS3's birth, everyone says I should be happy it was so quick and simple but the sudden shock of going from being tucked up in my hospital bed to that pain and then a baby in under 10 minutes traumatised me. I still have flash backs now.

izzybizzybuzzybees Tue 12-Aug-14 17:00:22

It sounds like you would be an ideal candidate for an elective c section. I completely understand the spd, I was on crutches from 23 weeks and a wheelchair from 29 so I get it. The pain from that is horrific and I too didn't feel contractions, no tightening nothing until immense pain hit. I'm sure the NICE guidelines now allow a mothers right to choose a section regardless of history and yours is clearly worrying. I would discuss at your first booking appt with the midwife and make your intentions clear. They can't refuse you. Good luck and congratulations smile

ditsygal Tue 12-Aug-14 17:12:08

NICE guidelines definitely say a mother has the right to choose a c-section. They can try and pursuade you to birth naturally but it is your right to choose and if you are well informed and rational they should listen to you. talk to midwives about your concerns asap and ask for an appointment with a consultant.

RedToothBrush Tue 12-Aug-14 17:21:49

I think I want a c-section to put my mind at ease but I birth so easily I'm not sure they'll let me.

I'm sure the NICE guidelines now allow a mothers right to choose a section regardless of history and yours is clearly worrying.

The NICE guidelines DO NOT give you a right to a CS despite the popular misconception. They are guidelines only - not rules - and as such there is no obligation for anyone to follow them. However they DO support women who are suffering from anxiety. An ELCS on mental health grounds is as valid as an ELCS on physical grounds under their guidance. And you DO have a right to the most appropriate care for your personal circumstances.

In terms of whether they will 'let you' have an ELCS, it a total lottery. Some places are very supportive, and others are very hostile; it basically comes down to politics and a wide variation in understanding the reasons for having an ELCS.

There is actually another thread currently running about this at the moment, which may be of interest for you to read.

RedToothBrush Tue 12-Aug-14 17:29:53

PS, I think you really need support from an ante-natal mental health team more than anything else.

Not everywhere has one unfortunately though.

I have been lucky enough to be under the care of one throughout my pregnancy. They have been brilliant and have taken ALL my fears seriously - no matter how small.

So there are services and people out there who can support you, but equally it can be difficult to access them (mainly because of the demand).

StuntNun Tue 12-Aug-14 17:41:05


PotteringAlong Tue 12-Aug-14 17:42:00

Can you ask about early induction So you know where you are and when it will happen? My best friend had a precipitous labour with her second baby and he was delivered by her DH as neither the midwife nor the ambulance made it on time. Her 3rd baby was induced at 38 weeks so it was more controlled.

StuntNun Tue 12-Aug-14 17:45:03

Having had both CS and vaginal deliveries, and seeing as you have older DCs one of whom is quite young, I would have to recommend that you don't opt for a CS for those reasons. An easy delivery will be so much quicker for your recovery after the birth, particularly if you are battling spd as well. You need to discuss it with your healthcare team to find a strategy you are happy with and you will have to be very pushy as midwives do, in my experience, tend to be quite dismissive of serious concerns because they wave them off as needless worrying.

With regard to the spd, is there anything you can do now to make life easier later on such as strengthening exercises, arranging your house so you don't have to go up and down stairs so often, getting a swivelly cushion for the car etc.

Shetland Tue 12-Aug-14 18:28:35

I think potteringalong has it - early induction might be the way forward. That way it'll be more controlled and you will avoid the issues of having a CS that stunt mentions.

StuntNun Wed 13-Aug-14 06:34:17

How are you feeling about things now OP?

frenchfry Wed 13-Aug-14 06:40:17

I woke up at 2am with some heavy bleeding and cramping, this bean wasn't a sticky one. sad

Thanks for everyone's advice and support, the advice is there for future reference.

I'm going to retreat now and heal up.

Thanks again everyone.

StuntNun Wed 13-Aug-14 14:04:26

I'm sorry to hear that. Give yourself some time and some pampering.

Shetland Wed 13-Aug-14 20:19:45

So sorry frenchfry

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