Advanced search

Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

MIL wants to bring baby home from hospital..

(100 Posts)
Elizabeth120914 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:26:29

MIL has just informed me that she's booked two weeks off work to 'help' with baby and she's going to be there to bring her home.. It takes 3 apparently and she will be giving me breaks from the baby...!!!

Don't tell me it's nice she's a control freak who has already tried to stop me breast feeding and take over everything. OH is having no time off at all so il be home alone with her and she lives just down the road.

I asked her to look after the dog ffs!! She has a key now and can 'come and go'.

I have no relationship with my useless mother or family so there's no one to back her off and my friends are 40 miles away.

Because of OHs shit planning she is also going to have to bring him to the hospital the LAST place I wanted her..

My blood pressure is going thought the f'ing roof right now!!

Ps we are 32 and 35 not 18 and apparently quite intelligent so I'm sure can manage!! Arrgggghhh dim whit has just agreed and now she's over the moon someone shoot me

noblegiraffe Wed 06-Aug-14 21:36:54

If there's no way that you can stop her then thank her for allowing you to devote all your time to the baby, and that can she instead of looking after the baby look after you, so cook, clean and do the shopping?

If your OH isn't having any time off, you might find that you will need to hand the baby to someone else so that you can wash or eat, so having someone else available is a good idea. But not permanently camped on your sofa.

Elizabeth120914 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:51:28

Sadly she's morbidly obese and can't even walk the dog she just wants the baby and the nice bits - as do I after 8 months of puking etc..

I'm going to have too tell her so mad at OH for putting me in this position ..

Icantbehavingwiththat Wed 06-Aug-14 21:54:10

Fingers crossed your baby comes early or late and she can't get anymore holiday off! Seriously though, this is the last thing you need. Tell her to piss off.

hesterton Wed 06-Aug-14 21:54:44

You simply must get the key back. Or better still (in case she's had a copy made) change the locks. Tell her you had to as you lost a set of keys or something, and never get round to giving her another set.

You need to put your foot down firmly now as you may not be as able when you're just post birth.

MysteriousCircusZebra Wed 06-Aug-14 21:55:04

I would tell her you need that time to settle in with the new baby and don't need any help at that time. Say its very kind of her to offer, but to save her holiday for a time later on instead when you're more settled.

MysteriousCircusZebra Wed 06-Aug-14 21:56:15

And change the lock or get the key back. You don't want her turning up every time you've managed to get 10 mins sleep.

Layl77 Wed 06-Aug-14 21:56:36

Tell dh and he can tell her. That's what I did!

CafeAuLaitMerci Wed 06-Aug-14 21:58:02

No I wont shoot you, but I will shoot the pair of them for you!

Time to pull up your Big Girl Pants and get a few things sorted out!!

- Get your key back (or change the lock if that's easier!!)

- Tell DH, to tell his Mum, that you DO NOT need help bringing your baby home or in the first few weeks, that she should save her leave in case you need her help later on (fat chance, but it might soften the blow). Tell him that if he doesn't, you will - and mean it!

- Tell DH he can get a Taxi to the hospital. YOU are giving birth, not him, you get to say who is loitering and who isn't.

At least you are prepared to tell her if he doesn't - that's good!

HavanaSlife Wed 06-Aug-14 21:58:31

What mysterious said, if that doesn't work shout fuck off fuck off fuck off! At her

CafeAuLaitMerci Wed 06-Aug-14 21:58:53

LOL - lots of great minds thinking alike grin

BiscuitMillionaire Wed 06-Aug-14 22:00:55

Tell her that your mw or hv has strongly advised you that you will need 3 or 4 weeks of time bonding with your new baby to establish bfing and not to allow visitors for more than half an hour at a time, unless they are helping with housework while you bf.

AskBasil Wed 06-Aug-14 22:01:48

Jesus. Move house before the baby comes.

FAiling that, what everyone else said.

Steben Wed 06-Aug-14 22:02:52

Just ask her to be on call, can't imagine anything worse than having someone around constantly during those early weeks. You sound like an accommodating dil but set your own rules here.

EverythingCounts Wed 06-Aug-14 22:03:11

If you can't get your OH to sort things out, then if you have inside bolts on your doors, bolt them and then claim you were 'asleep, upstairs' every time she calls round.

sunnyrosegarden Wed 06-Aug-14 22:03:33

You are actually allowed to completely speak your mind to her and your dh.

Bessiebigpants Wed 06-Aug-14 22:06:29

Give her a shit list every day of jobs you are not up to because you are feeding the baby.Invest in a sling attach baby to yourself then pootle about at your own pace.Breast fed babies love their mummies and no one else so use it to your advantage,Sorry mil baby is unsettled but it would be great if you could run Hoover about,Empty the bins mow the lawn etc.She will get bored quickly.Also breast feeding takes AT least 2 weeks to establish so no bottles demand feeds only etc.Also no dummies so baby really needs to be with you.You could also say that you are really focussed on bonding and are going to spend all your time skin to skin with baby Basically with your boobs out that always makes anti breast feeders really uncomfortable.There is a reason why women need to sit down to feed because mother nature is telling you to rest,Your mil doing all the good bits means you will get all the crap and that's not on.On the other hand you may be greatful for a break.So don t burn your bridges

babrow13 Wed 06-Aug-14 22:08:05

Oh dear I feel for you. This is something you may need to politely nip in the bud. I wouldn't mind people offering support, that's natural, but not telling me what's going to happen. And the breastfeeding, stick to your guns about what you and partner want for yourselves and your baby. Good luck!

PenguinsHatchedAnEgg Wed 06-Aug-14 22:10:04

Tell your husband to put on his big boy pants and deal with this himself. Seriously.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Wed 06-Aug-14 22:13:10

Grit your teeth and speak up.

My mil ruined my last couple of months with shit like this. She took huge offence and flew out of the country.

Be prepared for a battle and upset.

When I had dd2 , mil took to calling in every day with her friends and sitting there for hours. That caused another todo when I stopped that.

It's not too bad now as I've stood my ground with things that really mattered to me. SIL she terrorised fir years!

Dig deep!

LEMmingaround Wed 06-Aug-14 22:15:13

If she is morbidly obese the exercise will do her good. Honestly you are going to have to put your foot down with a firm hand. Yes you appreciate the help (and you seriously may be glad of thd extra pair of hands) but this is YOUR baby and your decision.

As for the breast feeding if she is anti she will swoop the minute there is a problem. Which there sometimes is to start with. Tell her thanks but you want to get a feeding pattern established. Bond with your baby and you wont be seeing anyond for the first few weeks.

jaynebxl Wed 06-Aug-14 22:17:49

I have a plan for getting the key back from her. Turn up at her door tomorrow and tell her you've got yourself locked out and you need her key, then you don't need to give it back.

Elizabeth120914 Wed 06-Aug-14 22:18:09

Thanks all for cheering me up I'm in stitches! She's a prude and BIL is gay so tits out little Britain style should do it!! Oops I mean skin on skin!!

What is it with men and their mothers! She's bound to arrive the minute I'm asleep guaranteed, il end up flipping just didn't want me and OH to fall out again but he should have thought before speaking or being so bloody spineless!!

She doesn't even put fuel in her own car or shoes on so no chance of jobs at all lol!! In her mind she's holding baby directing me I'm sure!!

Elizabeth120914 Wed 06-Aug-14 22:19:21

I have a key to her house I think il retrieve it and so she's lost it and there isn't another spare...!!

Loveallmyboys Wed 06-Aug-14 22:20:19

I was in a similar-ish situation. PIL wanted to come on holiday with us, our first as a family, and I wasn't keen. Mainly because they hadn't bothered their arses to visit us after the baby was born and WE had to do the 120 mile trip with a 1 week old. So I thought bugger off, if you can't come and see us at home, you ain't invading my holiday! OH was a wimp so it was down to me to set them straight!
You just have to tread carefully but be honest. If she lives close, just ask her to be on standby rather than staying there constantly. Say you're looking forward to feeling independant and doing as much for your baby as you can. But also make her feel like she will be useful should you start to wilt! Which you probably will at some point!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now