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It's been fought but help me get focussed please

(8 Posts)
Advice451 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:59:25

I've posted before but just an update..
I'm 21 Years old, 23 weeks pregnant, my grandma who I loved dearly passed away suddenly 3 weeks ago, then my mum who was also my best friend died the day after my grandma. My mum took her own life and it's been a huge shock

I have spent weeks moping. Being miserable. And today I've finally got off my ass and got sorted. I had a counselling session which helped massively and I go back to work tomorrow so I'm hoping that will take my mind of some things.

I'm still struggling with eating and sleeping.. Does anyone have any advice ? I can't get anything off the doctor to help me sleep and I'd rather stick to more natural remedies.
Also I'm struggling to sit down and eat a full meal- so I need healthy substantial snacks that will fill me up throughout the day

I know now my main priority is my baby and ill do anything to keep him safe from this pain.
Has anyone else lost anyone during pregnancy? Would love some other people's experiences

Advice451 Tue 29-Jul-14 13:59:57

It's been tough- not fought.
Another reason why I need sleep

JustGotMyBabyOnBoardBadge Tue 29-Jul-14 15:01:41

Awh Bless - I didn't want to read and run, I have read some of your other posts and really feel for you.

In terms of sleeping try lavender oil on the pillow or just a little pouch of lavender flowers inside the pillowcase if you can get them, a bath can also help. If I were you I would also get some rescue remedy pastilles - I was really emotional in the early weeks (for no other reason than just hormonal) and I found sucking on one every so often helpful and great before bed.

Don't worry too much about what you eat but try not to go low-calorie on it, the baby will be fine, it takes what it needs from your stores so really it will be your body that suffers. Once you start working again the eating should come back into it's own.

Look after yourself!

Mistyautumn Tue 29-Jul-14 16:18:08

Hi. I lost my dad back in early may and I am now 33 weeks so probably around the same time it happened to you.

I am not going to lie - it is horrible but you have done the right thing by seeking help. I went back to work after the funeral as at the time it really helped me but I did decide to take my mat leave from 32 weeks as I found that after a few weeks I was exhausted and needed some time for me before baby arrived.

I struggled to eat at times but baby is well and as others have said, took what it needed from me. Maybe a bit too well as it appears I am packing a whopper.

Re sleeping have you got any ante natal / preggie yoga classes booked? I find the relaxation and breathing techniques really help me settle even on days when I am feeling rubbish either through grief or pregnancy xx

frannie2013 Tue 29-Jul-14 19:45:44

you have been through so much and you are doing amazing. well done. it is baby steps and it sounds like you have turned a corner, though there will still be dark days ahead. oh and congratulations on your pregnancy.
My FIL fell ill and passed away in April. we had managed to tell him that i was expecting and he understood which is great. but telling such happy news to MIL was hard. in fact im crying now as i know DP is so sad that his dad won't get to meet his grandchild.
now i'm about 8 months in there is a lot more positivity about the baby which is nice and it is something to look forward, ahead, to. other not great things have also happened over the past few months too which hasn't helped.
i was worried when FIL got ill and died about how my health and mental well being might impact the baby but the baby is doing fab (is bouncing away in there and is pretty big!) and i've read that actually it has no negative impact. I slept (lots! i just needed to block out the world so sleep came quite easy in the day. not so easy at night. i used the night time drops on my tongue - can't remember the name - and some relaxation apps on my phone which were quite good, and yoga and walking helped), ate and was quite selfish. i was signed off work for 2 weeks and that did me the world of good.
good luck. use all the support you can. it is not easy, so go easy on yourself. xxx

juneavrile Wed 30-Jul-14 06:53:53

So sorry to hear what a difficult time you're having. As far as appetite is concerned, obviously you should eat what you can, but here are some easy, nutrient dense food ideas.
Avocado with mayonnaise
A handful of nuts
Sliced mozzarella and tomato with olive oil
Hummus with a sliced apple
Lentil soup
Dark ryvita with butter and marmite
Wholegrain toast with peanut butter
Boiled eggs - not soft - with wholegrain buttered soldiers
Baked beans on wholegrain toast
If you're not taking a pregnancy multi-vitamin, it might be worth starting as a back up.
Wishing you all the best x

MissMalonex2 Wed 30-Jul-14 07:18:13

You've had some great advice on nutrition and sleep, and I won't add anything too that but wanted to say how sorry I was about your grandmother and mother. One of my closest friends took her life over two years ago now, and emotionally it is incredibly hard to deal with, very complicated. There is an organisation called SOBS - survivors of bereavement by suicide. I found the website had helpful stuff on it, and the helpline was brilliant if I needed a chat. The bereavement board on here is good too. Just wanted to give you some extra places to turn to for support if you need it. Unmumsnetty hugs to you

dancestomyowntune Wed 30-Jul-14 11:01:25

i am so sorry for you losses. do you have anyone close that can help you through this? i am sure that your baby is taking everything it needs from you, and your clearly doing the best you can. be kind to yourself. thanks

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